Would this have gotten you into a fight???

[Nntrance]

In all seriousness..don't take your wife hot or not..actually don't take any women you remotely care about to bars or clubs.There really isn't a much worse situation for fights or drama then those environments.

[Ares1307]

First of all, thank you adam for your service and for putting your life on the line for our country. Also, EmperorVince, thank you for your service on Rikers Island.

Adam- I also believe that you did the right thing. Walking away is something alot of us find very hard to do, but sometimes its necessary. I dont feel the same about the situation as most of the other men posting.. I dont find the shrug as the most offencive part.. or his words.. but him staring down my wifes a$$ like a piece of meat make my blood boil. I have alot of respect for you, and any other man who can give a beating yet walks away because its the right thing to do.

Violence is never the right answer. Violence is never acceptable. BUT sometimes violence in the best answer we have. If someone touched my wife or kids in any offencive manner I would beat the hell out of them. I know some people arnt going to like that Im saying this but its the truth. Even if its not life threatening, like a man trying to "cop a feel" on my wife, or spitting at her.. even if they miss.. they will catch a beating, or worse. Dont get the wrong idea, I wont try to kill them, but my wife might, and she carries at least one knife at all times, and she will take care of herself. So yeah if I ever saw a guy lay a hand on my wife, they would either be beaten, bruised, and broken.. or if my wife reacts first they will be pulling back a bloody stump.

And just a stupid sidenote I find kind of ironic... has anyone else noticed the guy saying violence is unacceptable is the guy named "STAB-MAN"?

[BOSS1]

Greetings,

Thanks for your service.

As others have chimed in, going to places like this w/ attactive significant others can be a recipe for disaster. Should you be able to go there without any drama? Of course. Is that the real world? Or course not.

The world is full of idiots that really don't have alot to loose that would love to bait you into a bad situation. Many bad outcomes...say you go over and pummel the guy, and maybe all his friends, congrats tough guy. When the judge(s) and/or jury(s) looks at you weeks, months, or years down the road in a nice calm courtroom with everybody in suits, your bravado will be looked on as nothing more than a highly skill individual with a total lack of self control, to the point of criminal action. These are not the attributes of people to be in charge of particular situations, missions, other people, etc etc etc. Is shows lack of sound decision making...and that's often a career ender and criminal sentencing starter.

Think of Nicolas Cage in 'Conair'--good guy/solder, got in a fight, went to jail. While the entire movie is obviously fictious, that part is highly plausible.

Worse scenario? You go over there and get beat up, crippled, shanked, shot, etc etc etc. You don't want your tombstone to be 'Decorated solder killed in a bar by a jerk and his friends.'

So yeah, you protected your wife's honor from a disrespectful male that apparently has enough good taste to find the ladies you're with as attractive as you do. Other than that, he's just some dude at a bar checking out good looking women, probably not completely unlike you may have been at some point. If you let that provoke you into action, what would it cost you? Well possibly only your career, which in turn will add turmoil to your marriage, lots of $$ in attorney/court costs, and maybe your freedom. And that's just the criminal side...how would you like to be sued in civil court by 3-5 guys (who will all have their stories straight by then)? Where the standard to win your case is much lower than 'beyond a reasonable doubt.' Cha-ching!!

Long story short, you basically did the right thing not escalating to fighting. I wasn't there, and I don't think I would have been as I don't anticipate going to such places under those circumstances. Had I been there, I probably would have just observed and said nothing as long as it as you described (no actual interaction with my the ladies). I probably would have taken the cue and left, or at the very least would have tried to get a spot as far away from the pool tables.

There's a time for action, and based on what you've said about yourself, I presuming you have a pretty good handle on when that actually is. This case didn't meet the standard IMHO.

You've have some great life experience, but you're still 30...don't waste all the good that you've done by letting your bravdo write checks you and the people you care about will have to live with the rest of your lives.



My $.02 worth.
BOSS

[Dr Heelhook]

You deserve all the credit in the world for what you did IMO. Sounds like it was a really hard and frustrating decision to make if you were that angry at the guy, but you stayed way above his low level. I hope this didn't ruin your night and that you went somewhere else and had a better time.

I'm a calmer person myself, I probably wouldn't have even confronted the guy at all if it didn't go beyond what you discribed, but we're all different. You made a very mature decision by walking away.

[mc5aw]

No disrespect intended to the OP, but anyone who is ready to throw down based on a disrespectful comment/gesture needs to avoid bars completely, as well as most other outdoor areas where strangers congregate. In today's litigious society the better part of valor is to walk away ... your ego might hurt a bit, but you're not getting sued for assault (or worse) and you're not ending up on a gurney going to the ER or morgue.

[Monofletch]

I KNOW my wife is HOT, so (1)- I expect people to look...so (2)- I would take that as a compliment. I am secure about my relationship. Now, that being said, if it went further than that--say a grab or he continued his obsession- I would have shoved the poolstick up his @ss!! I think most Neanderthals would only go so far.


You were in a bar, so what do you expect.

[Dago Red]

Philwar has it right, IMO, I'm same way, if my wife were hot enough to get attention I'd be happy about it not bothered by it. I think you need to avoid places like that for a few more years. To me fights are something that happen if somebody is physically threatened. I probably would have shrugged too, in reality what's his reaction supposed to be? If you know you're susceptible to going off for slight things like this you just need to avoid the situations where you may. He made a comment and looked at her, if she's that hot you know how many guys are probably thinking things and looking at her you just don't know about? Personally I wouldn't have even held up my hand and escalated it, I'd have smiled and waited till she got back.

Probably you don't want to hear this, but it was YOUR pride, need for respect or whatever you call it that you felt the need to protect, not anything about your wife, she had no idea the guy had done that. If you're going to go through life, especially in today's world, expecting total strangers to respect you than you're probably going to be very disappointed. Having kids will probably settle you down. Then that thought of what happens to them while you're in prison/hospital/dead will give you an extra bit of pause.

Red

[sumtinfancy]

I think this is relevant

[Jack Black]

I think this is relevant

Maybe there's a fascinating story there, but when the guy still hadn't started telling it three and a half minutes in, I got bored...

[rustyrazor]

Philwar has it right, IMO, I'm same way, if my wife were hot enough to get attention I'd be happy about it not bothered by it. I think you need to avoid places like that for a few more years. To me fights are something that happen if somebody is physically threatened. I probably would have shrugged too, in reality what's his reaction supposed to be? If you know you're susceptible to going off for slight things like this you just need to avoid the situations where you may. He made a comment and looked at her, if she's that hot you know how many guys are probably thinking things and looking at her you just don't know about? Personally I wouldn't have even held up my hand and escalated it, I'd have smiled and waited till she got back.

Probably you don't want to hear this, but it was YOUR pride, need for respect or whatever you call it that you felt the need to protect, not anything about your wife, she had no idea the guy had done that. If you're going to go through life, especially in today's world, expecting total strangers to respect you than you're probably going to be very disappointed. Having kids will probably settle you down. Then that thought of what happens to them while you're in prison/hospital/dead will give you an extra bit of pause.

Red

I couldn't agree more... the level of intensity depends on your perspective. probably the only person who was amped up in that whole situation was you. and for what?

[benthughes]

Kick him in the dick and light him on fire.

[rustyrazor]

Kick him in the dick and light him on fire.

I'd hate to make the mistake of looking at your "ole lady" and you taking it the wrong way... looks like it's a kevlar cup and Nomex coveralls from here on out

[mwhich50]

Thanks for your service to our country.
I got bad news for you. You are still a hothead.
I figured out that bars were the wrong place to take my wife when I was 19. I understand the Marine mentality, but civilian society does not.
You are going to get yourself in a heap of trouble. I hear prison is really bad, even for tough guys.
I wish you good luck.

[flip888]

I didnt read all the comments but from what it sounds like it is your fault that this happened. Women naturally dress to attract mens attention, which is something you should have not allowed your wife to do. And if a man sees an attractive women and doesnt stare for a brief moment, theres probably something wrong with him. So the guy who was looking at your wife isnt to blame. So in my eyes it all comes back to you for allowing your wife to dress in a way that attracts mens attentions.

[sgt244]

Well, it's not a crime to stare at anybody, as long as they dont touch someone else.. people can look at whomever they wish...

Now I understand it was your wife and her friend but as long as he didn't touch them, he didn't do anything wrong... I could see why'd you want to smash his face in... but it woulda gotten you an ass wuppin and a night in jail (if not more depending the damage you did to him)...

I dont know... I guess it all depends on the circumstances.. I cant really give a right or wrong awnser.. just an opinion..

And truly thank you for your service....

[flip888]

I would not have started a fight over this incident. The only way that i will ever be involved in a fight is if im being attacked. But i ALWAYS carry a large folder AND a firearm so i avoid negative conflicts of any kind at all reasonable costs.

[tyr_shadowblade]

People fight over BS like this every weekend at the bars . . . sometimes someone even gets seriously hurt or killed over it. They did not intend to kill anyone, but they were angry and stuff happened and maybe his friends jumped in or someone pulled a blade, and now you are in prison eating the grilled cheese sammich and watching Cartoon Network for the next 5 years . . . which will probably ruin the relationship you started the fight over in the first place.

If the girls were not directly insulted and did not even realize what had happened, that does not require a confrontation. I can understand why you did that, but you were wrong, and you were lucky stuff didn't go sideways. You made the right decision in leaving with your friends. Sometimes you can tell when something stupid is going to happen in a bar, and you do not want to stick around for that. There are plenty of other bars to go to.

[scotchleaf]

Wouldn't you kind of harm your wife and kids if you had to pay a big fine/civil damages or lost your job due to a "crime?" You did the right thing. Of course, smashing his face would have been fun, but...the consequences outweigh that.

[hank_rearden]

i should have known. don't look at girls in bars. and giving a crude "compliment" is sure to send you to the hospital.

[JayGoliath]

A) At a place like that, and with a wife attractive enough to get attention, you should reasonably expect stuff like that to happen.
B) The guy gawked and said, "DAMN". It's not like he grabbed your wife's a** or even said anything sexually suggestive.

First of all I wouldn't have gone to a place like that with my gf/wife. Second of all if all he said was "DAMN" and stared I would've just glared at him. Whether it's parties, clubs, or bars.... the #1 reason for fights is because some guy hit on some other guy's girl. Since you were a bouncer I'm pretty sure you're well aware of that.

Gotta agree. Totally LOGIC.
I wouldn't be going to those places at all. Just too many pansies to prove themselves as the Lords of Scumbags.
Locally there's a club known for brawls and lately there was a case of some drunkards who caught a horny dog peeking his dress-almost-to-nothing chick and soon both got into a really ugly situation. Within mins one was caught sporting a waki and the other party was lying on a pool of blood. Kill Bill 3? Never worth that. Just walk away like you did was the best thing.