I like Oahu despite the heavy handed tourist stuff. Mainly I stay away from that if possible. Still there's some stuff you just have to do.
First, don't take a lot of stuff. You can live for weeks out of a gym bag. There's no need for formal or fancy clothes unless you're doing a wedding. The odds are very good that if you take a jacket or long pants you'll never wear them. (If you were going to the big island it's different.) One pair of shoes and sandels. A hat. Sunglasses (good sunglasses). Two pair of shorts/swimsuit/ 2-3 shirts. That's all you need. Anything else you can buy there; cheap.
Second, hit the flea market at the stadium in Honolulu for all your beach gear. Mats, floats, swimsuits, etc. Get your junky souveniers there too.
See the Arizona. I think everyone should. But be prepared; I almost blew my temper a couple times at the lack of respect the average tourist shows.
You need to see Waikiki Beach. The wife will want to shop. The kids will want to swim. Find a nice place wth good wait service and spend the time watching the grls and drinking a maragrita (or whatever). An alternate is to pick up a 6 pack at the ABC store (on every corner) and sit on the seawall.
Go visit the old gun battery (now a museum) at Ft Derussy Park on the north end of Waikiki. Great display of local history with a focus on WWII. Nice park too.
Go up to the North Shore. Eat fish tacos. Get shaved ice. Take the Audabon park trail up to Wiamea Falls. Don't stand under the cannonball tree.
Go up to Makaha (on the western side of the island) and see where surfing really got it's start back in the 60's. This is the one part of the island that's still "old school".
Don't bother with the Dole Plantation unless you really have a burning urge to know more about pineapples.
Do a Luau, but ask around. Id's say the one at the Polonysian Center, but others may have a better idea.
Take a day and drive the east side of the island. Picnic on a beach; odds are good you'll be pretty much alone.
Don't rent a 4 wheel drive (unless the rates are crazy good. I had one last SEP for $16/day.) Don't get anything convertable, or plan to loose anything you leave in it.
Find a nice beach and watch the sunset.
If you're military or retired DOD PM me and I'll give you some more good info.
