Daniel Koster (aka Bushcraft Knife Guy)
Just writing to let you know that I hate you. Everytime I see that thing, my knife hand gets all itchy and that ain't enjoyable at all. I hope this letter finds you well, all except the stinging and burning of a paper cut I'm wishing on you.
While I think the knife you've designed is a work of art, I believe you to be a temptor from the blackest pits of Hell. I hate you. I love that knife, but I hate you for making it...bastard.
This letter is also a letter of intent. I fully intend on saving the money up and ordering one, unless you stop making them, which would just complete my circle of contempt for you. You knife-demon from beyond the world.
Why, Daniel, did you feel it necessary to make such an eye catching, wonderfully useful piece as this? You jerk.
No, you know what? They're ugly. They're fat and they smell bad. I wouldn't even give one of those to my mother-in-law (whom I still hate less than you). You should box them up, include the design and prototype and ship them to me so that I might dispose of them in a deep, dark cave way up in the mountains- that no one, save me, might know where to find such god-awful, butt ugly things. I'll even pay shipping.
I hope that in the process of making these
knives you stump your toe....you blade succubus from the mouth of hell.
Once again, I hate you for making such a beautiful thing and I wish you all the best. My low opinion of such scum as yourself might change once I finally get to order one...but I doubt it, your kind never stops with just one nice design, do they? Nooooo...they gotta make more, like Doritos. Nacho cheese would been just peachy with me, but they hadda go and make Cool Ranch, Fiery Salsa, Four Cheese...and don't think they're not gonna hear about it.
Here's hoping you get your wiener caught in your zipper. Butt nugget.
Shawn.
PS- I hope it burns when you pee.
)
Hope you get well soon....
