Complete Khukuri Failure

M

munk

Joined
Mar 22, 2002
Messages
15,742
I've read there hasn't been a total blade failure in over 15 years. With the expectation and love each khukuri is greeted at my home by now the measure of success should be obvious. But no.

The khukuris have failed to form a bridge between wife and I; I am left on my own in that regard
Khukuris have not mitigated the law suit against my neighbor
I pray as often, if not more, since khukuris have entered my life
Khukuris failed to provide informative and entertaining television programming
My lawn grows as deep, and needs mowing as often
my two year old has become a terror- no thanks to any of my khukuris
Khukuris do not help in the least in getting a good night's sleep.
They have not advised me in times of stress, and are silent during joy.
They have failed utterly in bringing in a better satellite picture. One senses the khukuris do not care in the least about this important matter, likewise, Rush Limbaugh out of Rapid city radio is no more audible than before their arrival.

Oh, they cut wood and brush far beyond expectations of metal instruments...and are a joy to behold and care for, but they have resolutely failed to make my life better than I could have on my own.

Just like every damn 'thing' that ever walked through that door.

It is almost on the tip of my tongue- these khukuris have taught me something after all.

munk
 
Munk, Munk, Munk! You are obviously not doing something right.
My whole house is run off my khukuri, it offers me councel in times of stress (cut something up!), it controls my angry moments ("No! Please Jeff! Put it down!"), it prepares my meals (with a bit of help), it doesn't change the tv channels, but I'm working on it.


Jeff.
 
Khukuris failed to provide informative and entertaining television programming

Even the networks fail that test. :o
 
Actually, a khuk will turn a tv off, once. I suppose, with good aim, it could also turn it on or hit any other button on the front panel. The buttons, screen, entertainment center, carpet, wall, etc, will all take a beating through... :D
 
Originally posted by BruiseLeee ......Khukuris failed to provide informative and entertaining television programming
Click to expand...
Obviously you have failed to insert the khukuri properly.

Many people make the same mistake.

Due to the rounded profile of the pommel, the khukuri will
not supply the proper correction with the blade vertical.
BTW, the "rabbit ear" configuration also fails.

The proper insertion procedure is thus:

(Please read all directions completly before attempting the following procedure)

0. Turn On the television if it is Off.
(See the television instruction booklet for this procedure.)

1. Grip the khukuri with both hands in a double,
interlaced grip.

1a. Standing, with the arms thrust forward from your body
horizontal to the floor
(or deck, ground, or other as applicable)
check that the blade
(the sharpened metallic portion terminating in what many people call a point)
points downward
(this is the direction it will fall if you release the grip).
If the khukuri is pointing upward
(this would be opposite the direction of downward)
or, indeed any other direction,
change your grip to accomplish the downward pointing of the khukuri.

2. Step up to the television
(with the arms still extending forward, raising the
khukuri as needed to clear the top of the unit)
until the khukuri is pointing downward toward the top of the television.

2a. Center the khukuri above the unit both horizontally and laterally.

3. Make a final adjustment to the grip to insure that
no part of the hand touches any metal portion of the khukuri.

4. Tighten the grip and lift the khukuri to the maximum extension of your arms.

5. Using a sudden, vigorous contraction of your arm muscles,
thrust the tip of the khukuri briskly down into the top of the television.
(Many people find the yelling (a powerful expulsion of air
from the lungs out though the mouth while vibrating the
vocal cords in a relatively low frequency) aids during the
actual insertion.)
[Please note that this yell initiates prior to the
insertion of the blade into the television. If the
inserter fails to observe step 3, a similar sound may be
discerned --After-- insertion. This other souond is often
of a determinedly higher pitch and is colloquially called a scream.]

6. Extend the fingers rapidly to release the grip on the khukuri,
and quickly step back away from the television
to such a position that you may observe it clearly.
(This position is generally demarcated by a furniture item
called a couch or sofa. Sometimes the brand of manufacture
is referred to, such as "Lazyboy")

7. If the household lights or other electrical devices should
suddenly fail at this time. One is advised to locate a
portion of the electrical system of the house called
either a "fuse panel" or "breaker panel".
Please refer to the "Electrical Systems" section of this Manual
for proper remediation procedures.
 
munk,
Tsk,tsk!you my son,have a failure to communicate!:rolleyes: K's have given me peace,someone,salesman etc. shows up,I answer the door with a K,smile & say "YES"??They take a look at my K,& my wonderful smile,get a funny look on their face,say "excuse me,sorry to bother you"& depart rather rapidly! If the TV is on & I don't like the program,I polish my K,frown & say, I don't want to watch this crap & someone "always" ask me what "I", want to watch!! As for $$$,why I've been standing somewhere ,holding a K,said "I need some $$$"!!People just hand me $$$ & beg me to take it & "go" somewhere,anywhere & buy whatever I want!! I think K's are great!! As for the 2yr. old,it's called terrible two's for a reason!! You won't believe it but it will get better!!hee! :D :D
jim(Saint):cool:
 
Yeah! I love Mr Cliftons stream of consciousness letters. Is he by any chance a Beat Author? Makes Jack Kerouak sound like a childrens book author.
As for the instructions on destroying the TV, I read this (my eyes carefully interpreted the shapes on the VDU, sending signals to my neo cortex, which consulted stores of memorised symbols, to produce an image of the intended form the author of the symbols wanted to convey) with great joy (an emotion of the Homo Sapien produced when something of good intent affects the recipient).
After that I need to lie down (opposite of up), and stroke my khukuri (object of power designed to scare normal conservative members of the Homo Sapien clan).


Jeff (Idiotic English Homo Erectus)...:eek:
 
The idea, lost to this present society, is that many things deserve to be carved in twain.


munk
 
"...but they have resolutely failed to make my life better than I could have on my own; Just like every damn 'thing' that ever walked through that door; It is almost on the tip of my tongue- these khukuris have taught me something after all."

Munk, I genuinely hope that you are not ensnarled by the mess that is organized religon, before you are able to look into the eyes of your wife, children and your own spirituallity and see truth :) ...best wishes on your peaceful journey sir.
 
munk
It appears you may be trying to deal with more issues than your poor K can handle presently. After all, it is only wood (or horn) and steel. If you should find a solution for the wife, terrible two's child, crappy TV programming, exhuberant grass growth, insomnia, and Rush Limbaugh rantings you will be rich beyond your dreams.

As to the lawsuit with the neighbor, 5 gallons of gas will solve that one. :D

Hang in there.
 
Originally posted by munk
The khukuris have failed to form a bridge between wife and I; I am left on my own in that regard Khukuris have not mitigated the law suit against my neighbor I pray as often, if not more, since khukuris have entered my life Khukuris failed to provide informative and entertaining television programming

It is almost on the tip of my tongue- these khukuris have taught me something after all.
munk
Click to expand...

Munk,

I have this royal heirloom pasaka keris from ebay that is GUARANTEED to fix all that mundane stuff. Since you are already familiar with "K" knives, this should be a easy transition!

Bill
 
:confused:

Munk, my friend - What is this ?? You have just made another life and thus furthered your future, you have an outlook on life which others do not share.

To quote a gentleman of much understimated talent !

'Don't think, feel. It's like a finger pointing to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all the heavenly glory.'

:)
 
I do Bill, but things never stay looked at. I have to keep looking to make sure they're still there.

Some of you made me think. Some of you made me laugh. It was good to do that.





munk
 
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