"STUPID human tricks"(with knives?)

Jul 3, 1999
Hello folks,I am new to this forum(1 week)and I love it already.I just read trueblades post and it sparked the idea for this topic. I hope you find it amusing. This past spring I went to a gun/knife show.I was checkin'out knives at a 4sale table when some macho dude strutted up.He picked-up a balisong and proceeded to dazzle the standers-by with his knife wielding mastery.When all the sudden the butterfly flew from his hand into the air I was'nt sure if I should run or dive under the table, but all was well because his trick required that he catch it and he did 1 1/2 inches into his big ole paw.OOUUCH that was a STUPID trick.

[This message has been edited by bodeen (edited 06 July 1999).]
1998 SOF Convention, dinner, a nameless Police Officer buddy was screwing with a MicroTech HALO OTF auto, yup... right into the palm, would have gone all the way through, but struck a bone. At least he did not scream, but he sure sweated a lot. Good thing they have good ERs close to the hotel. No slot machines in the hospital, but the food was okay.
About 10 years ago, when I was in my first knife collecting phase, I was using an Al Mar Talon (VERY sharp) to cut tape to seal a box home to the wife. I was in the Coast Guard at the time, temporarily in Seattle. Well, I was doing this from a rental car, in a parking lot next to the Post Office. I got done with one part, reached back to set the knife down on the seat behind me, forgot that it was there and proceded to sit down on it. It looked just like a cartoon with that 5" handle and the last 2" of blade sticking strait out of my right cheek! Blood all over that car! Interestingly, it didn't hurt a bit. The Doc said another quarter inch one way and I would have severed my main nerve that runs down my leg. I still have a numb spot about the size of a quarter back there. Man I wish I still had that knife!
I got rather drunk one night and proceeded to show off my VG. It was hot out, my hands were slippery, and I went to do a snap open, and all 6" of knife went airborne. Didn't hit anyone, but I was advised to watch myself

"Earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is limitless."

When I was a kid my grandfather spent a long while showing me how the sharpen my small pocket knife. I was on the porch one day practicing my newly learned skill. I was very slowly making a pass on each side of the blade trying to keep the angle the same just like grandpa showed me. I didn't know my dad was watching me through the front door screen. He came out and said I was doing it all wrong.He said " I'll show you how it's done." He proceded to work both sides of the blade on the stone at blinding speed. When he finished he said "that's how it's done." Then he blew down the length of the blade as if to blow the dust off and nicked his chin with the tip of the blade. He was bleeding like a stuck pig and I started laughing and said I think I'll stick to grandpa's method your's would hurt to much. He was really embarassed and said I'd better not tell anyone what he did that day.
Dry Heat- AMAZING story! I had a great laugh visualizing it. How f@#king embarassed were you? I hope your wife appreciated the package and what you went through to get it to her...
I was showing some friends some newly acquired knives fromy collection, when one friend got a little too anxious, picked up the new BM balisong box and tipped it up to let the knife slide out. Well it did and his reflexes apperantly weren't as good as he had thought. The knife came out the box, out of the plastic bag fell to the ground, opening in mid-flight and went straight thru his sneaker, clear thru. Right between his big and secondary toe. Just did knick the big toe. Always remember, patience is a virtue.


When you have walked to the edge of all of the light that you know,
And you are about to step into the darkness of the unknown....
Faith is believing that one of two things will
There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to
Quite a few years ago I was cutting a carboard box to go around my hamster's cage. The blade hung for a second and then went on. Everything seemed fine.

About 10 minutes later, my hand started itching in the web between my thumb and first finger. When I scratched it, the first finger of my other hand slide into my hand, which gave me a queezy feeling. When I withdrew my finger I could see into my hand for about 1 second before the blood starting spurting out like crazy.

Well, I grabbed my hand and took off up the steps - except that my mother opened the garage door just as I was going by. Result - cut my forehead open on the door.

I ended up with 9 stitches in my hand and 12 in my forehead, the later of which hurt like the dickens.

The fun wasn't over though. Afterward leaving the doc's office, we went to Kmart, where, out of habit, I grabbed my thumb to pop the knuckle. A few minutes later another shopper, looking at me, went white as a sheet. When I looked down at my hand, I was bleeding like a stuck pig and had left a trail of blood all over the store.

I learned something that day and because of it I've never needed stitches again from a knife accident.

Knowledge without understanding is knowledge wasted.
Understanding without knowledge is a rare gift - but not an impossibility.
For the impossible is always possible through faith.
- Bathroom graffiti, gas station, Grey, TN, Dec, 1988
These are way too good. But for stupid human tricks I go with my first exposure to Microtech products. Some other scoutmasters had decided to bring their "showoff" knives to a meeting. Outdoors. One guy had several throwing knives. I had some BM automatics (similar to those of mine you can bid for on bladeauction now)and Bubba (protect the guilty) had a brand new Halo...I think, it could have been earlier.

We were all suitably impressed. The guy with the throwing knives put up a large (3' by 3') dense poly target with a nice size picture of a US government employee (no hints, but his wife is now running for the US senate from new york)... He proceeds to toss the throwing knives into the target and makes it look easy..


Bubba wants some of that action, flicks the Halo open and tosses it into the woods where it is never found again. It got dark. There was poison ivy. He missed three days work with the poison ivy.


Dances with lemmings

My dumbest thing? When I got my first butterfly knife (mid 80's) I didn't know you were supposed to tape the blade, or dull it in some way. Needless to say, I got real good, real fast! After about two boxes of bandaids! Luckily it wasn't a sharp Balisong, or I'd probably be missing a few digits right about now.

"May you live in interesting times"

AKTI - A000389
It was Labor Day about 5 years ago and I had purchased some steak knives.They were individualy packaged in some sort of heavy duty hermeticly sealed plastic.After wrestling with the first one for about 5 minutes I finally got the knife out.Well I wasn't going to go through that for each one.So I used the first knife to open the others.On the very next package I slipped and cut my thumb. Didn't even know it until I saw the blood.OK no big deal I'll just rinse it out and slap on a bandaid.Then I notice it's a little more serious,thumb won't move,no feeling,blood spurting out and I can see the bone.We'll I spent the next 4 hours at the hospital while the microsurgeon sewed everything back together(first hour spent waiting for the surgeon,he was out golfing on his day off)I've never bought another knife in hermeticly sealed plastic.

How come he never found the Halo? So you mean to tell me that there's a brand-new Halo sitting out in the woods somewhere? Whew..

"Earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is limitless."

[This message has been edited by swball (edited 07 July 1999).]
DAMN, and just when I'm eating spagetti and meatballs!

"All of our knives open with one hand, in case you're busy with the other"
Man, the story about the Halo...geeez!

Anyway, when I was a kid I had a Schrade junior stockman. I had the clip main blade opened and we were throwing it at a dartboard. After it bounced off the target, I tried to catch it and it stuck in my palm near the base of my left ring finger. Blood everywhere, and I could see some red muscle thingeys in there. The finger tingled for a couple weeks but nothing serious. I've learned.
BTW, no damage whatsoever to the knife, though I wouldn't recomment throwing any folder.
About 4 months ago, my cousin bought 2 new toothbrush's for him & his wife. He struggled for several minutes, attempting to open the hard plastic case that each came packaged in. Suddenly, he spies his new Emerson Commander. He starts hacking & prying on the hard packaging, & the inevitable happens - he slips from the package & slices into his thumb. The knife goes flying across the bedroom, fortunately missing his wife. About 4 hours later, I have him home, from the ER & receiving half dozen stitches. At his house, he proceeds to explain how impossible the package was to open. I took the unopened package, applied pressure, & to his embarrassment, the toothbrush slides easily out of the case.
Moral: Always take the free toothbrush the dentist offers you at every visit!
I always leave my autos in the open position when storing to prevent kickspring sag.I had just gotten a MT nemisis and was storing it and when I went to fire it ,it was pointed in the wrong direction! Beeding like a stuck pig,I was frozen,standing over the cabinet,not wanting to get blood on the carpet.my wife came in ,saw what happened , and told me she knew it was a matter of time before I cut something off.After that ,I respected the orientation of all OTF knives.
AKTI# A000150
I was cutting a rifle box to throw away with my Carson U2. Was tired, wrong tool for the job, ie use a smaller knife. Got stupid, felt a thwack on my left index finger and notice the tip from the first knuckle down is starting to droop. OOOOOOPPPPPPSSSSS!!!!! So, after 10 or so stitches and seven weeks off work, I have an interesting scar and full use. Later, Jeff

Anybody seen the bactine, please?!?!?!?

[This message has been edited by Knife Medic (edited 13 July 1999).]
Missing Halo Status

I called the errant scoutmaster to check. He had later rented a "brush hog" {not sure, but sounds like a lawnmower for high weeds}
and cleared the area behind the tree. In the process, he got poison ivy again. And he used a borrowed metal detector....five hours and 60 bucks... NO HALO!

We are convinced it is "out there" somewhere... OR some socutmaster did his duty on my idiot friend.

Dances with lemmings

Well, I haven't needed stitches in my hands (yet) but I know sooner or later it will happen. Especially with my luck.

As for my right leg, well, there are two "you-gotta-be-kidding-me" scars. The first, about 6 inches south of the kneecap, was my good friends attempt to "flick" open a Bucklite by snapping his left hand down and away from his body. It opened, and promptly flew out of his hand into my leg. I just stared at it, mumbled a few obscenities, and of to the ER we went.

The second scar is a reminder. If you are ever drunk, and someone pulls a knife, DO NOT attempt to kick the knife away. It seemed like a great idea at the time (liquid bravery), and it actually worked. The guy ran off. Right after I realized I had a knife sticking out of my boot. Sobered up real quick.

Did you keep the knife?

I dunno. A couple stitches. Free knife... Tough call...