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- Jun 14, 2000
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In a few short hours from now I, along with other Americans, will be remembering the lives lost and lives shattered on Sept. 11th, 2001. I am among those whose life was shaken. 2752 American lives were wiped out but I lost a friend that day. I lost 343 brothers. Some people say that we all lost someone that day. As Americans I guess it's true. We all lost. But it's not the same for those of us who knew a victim as it is for them. For me it was very, very personal. It was the connection to the person that died that makes it so. It was a feeling that I have never experienced nor do I ever wish to feel again. Ever. Those of us who were directly affected by the loss of life on 9-11 share something different.
I have never discussed my loss with others outside of my family and with those I work with. Last week that changed. I met an amazing woman who I will not name. She lost her husband on 9-11. He was on the 103rd floor. She was able to say goodbye. He died on his own terms, jumping to his death. I spoke at length with this woman about that day in general and the days afterwards. It was surreal. In 6 years I have never met, let alone spoken to, anyone other than my fellow firefighters who lost someone so close. Her story shook me. It rattled me so much that I broke down in front of her. We shared stories of that day and the people we lost. Just to talk about it with her made me feel like I have finally touched on what I was lacking all of these years....connection. I had finally connected with someone who gets it. The feelings, the emotion, the anger, the pain; it was all there and it felt good to let it all out. I felt released from all of the heartache, that I can now remember the good times I shared rather than mourn the times that will never be.
I see her now and then. Whether around town or at our kids' school, we see each other. But we hardly speak. We don't need to. Because we both know. And nothing more needs to be said.
I have never discussed my loss with others outside of my family and with those I work with. Last week that changed. I met an amazing woman who I will not name. She lost her husband on 9-11. He was on the 103rd floor. She was able to say goodbye. He died on his own terms, jumping to his death. I spoke at length with this woman about that day in general and the days afterwards. It was surreal. In 6 years I have never met, let alone spoken to, anyone other than my fellow firefighters who lost someone so close. Her story shook me. It rattled me so much that I broke down in front of her. We shared stories of that day and the people we lost. Just to talk about it with her made me feel like I have finally touched on what I was lacking all of these years....connection. I had finally connected with someone who gets it. The feelings, the emotion, the anger, the pain; it was all there and it felt good to let it all out. I felt released from all of the heartache, that I can now remember the good times I shared rather than mourn the times that will never be.
I see her now and then. Whether around town or at our kids' school, we see each other. But we hardly speak. We don't need to. Because we both know. And nothing more needs to be said.
on that kind of thinking. I think we need to show those images of the planes colliding with the twin towers every year. Never forget and never forgive! I'm still angry, and I still grieve for our losses.
