A day in the life of Bladeforums...:)

S

storyville

Joined
Aug 11, 1999
Messages
1,111
Plz note: the characters below are purely fictional. Any resemblance to persons, living or otherwise, ain’t my fault! Plz feel free to add...
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Happy holidays!
Glen

(PS I believe this is my *200th* posting, and I just learned that I became a Senior Member by virtue of my 100th post... and NOT for the wisdom and insight of my comments! Proof below!)

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NEWBIE FRED: It’s rush hour, and I have to get to a hospital ASAP. It’s an emergency. What kind of car should I drive?

CONNOISSEUR REGINALD: Porsche Carrera or Ferrari Testarosa.

PRACTICAL SAM: Porsche or Ferrari? My Toyota Tercel would do just fine.

ORDINARY JOE: I agree w/Sam. When my wife’s water broke unexpectedly in commuter traffic, her carpooler got her to the ER in his Yugo ... with time to spare!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: C’mon guys -- why not Ford or Chevy?! Sure, there are some good foreign cars, but they’re overpriced and hard to maintain. The majority are POS. Buy American!

CALLOUS SCROOGE: Depends on the emergency. Sure, it’s nicer for your wife to deliver in a hospital, but in a pinch, she could squeeze junior out on the side of the 405 fwy. But what if you were bleeding to death?

CONTRARY CHRIS: Joe, that’s pretty weird. When I drove my sick goldfish to the vet in my Yugo, it overheated 2 blocks from home! But the same thing happened w/my Chevy Blazer when I had to take my ferret, so buying American isn’t a sure bet, either. Both died, BTW.
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SARGEANT SLAUGHTER: I was thinking the same thing, Scrooge! I’d take a tank. We’re talking rush hour, guys. Whether a Pinto or a Rolls, if it can’t go OVER traffic, you’re gridlocked!

MILITIA MARY: This is precisely why I don’t drive during rush hour. Why do sheeple put themselves into a situation, day after day, that they can’t get out of? That’s why I drive my pick-up only during off-hours; and even then, I keep a motorcycle or two in the bed, just in case...

LOTTERY HOPEFUL: Well, hell, if you can get a tank, why not get a helicopter?

TEEN SEAL WANNA-BE: “Helicopter?” That’s like saying “car.” I’d go w/an Apache Assault chopper, armed w/Sidewinders in case a commercial airliner gets too close.

HOPALONG CASSIDY: Apache? Are we in Kosovo? Who cares what kind -- I’d flag down a news chopper; pilot will know how to get to the closest hospital.

NITPICKY NED: ...But in case the pilot crashes and survives, but is trapped by his safety harness, does he have a Spyderco Rescue to cut himself free?

NEWBIE FRED: Thanks for the tips! You guys are great!!!
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You forgot to say that all characters are fictional and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
Wilderness Wilbur: "Why go to the hospital? Have the baby at home, in a teepee, in the yard."

Biker Bobby: "Put her in the side car..."

Of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent, yadda, yadda, yadda.

:-)


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Can it core a apple?
 
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (r.o.t.f.l.)
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Well Done- Take a Bow!


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Runs With Scissors
AKTI# A000107
 
Yeah, like I was gonna pass THIS up!!

MR. WOBLEBOTTOM: As the voice of reason, I feel it is my duty to advise you, Newbiefreddie, that you're incredibly irresponsible! Your wife is in dire need of medical attention and you should not take time out to post here and wait for replies.
My advice is to call 4-1-1 for the number to 9-1-1 and request an ambulance immediately!!!

MR. WOMBLETOP: I'm afraid that I must disagree with Mr. Womblebottom, as usual. Due to the fact that Newbie Fred (That's his name, you moron, LOOK!) is a newbie, he's yet to realize the wheretofores and whatnots regarding wife-related emergencies.
Chances are that she's faking so's to get him to buy her new shoes or something.
911 is not to be abused!

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: HEY!!! YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF MY NAME!!!! WHO IS THIS GUY?!?!?!?
AND HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT HIS POOR WIFE IS FAKING?!?!?!?
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THAT, YOU NAME STEALING MONGOOSE?
CHANGE YOUR NAME BEFORE I CONTACT MY LAWYER AND GO AFTER YOUR ASS.... ETS!

MR. WOMBLESIDES: My My! You sure are a testy one, Mr. Womblebottom! Might I suggest that you stop typing in caps, as it seems to people as if you're shouting.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: I AM SHOUTING! I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I'M SHOUTING!!! YOU ARE A SAD SPECIMEN OF HUMAN DUCK, YOU ... YOU.... NAMESTEALER, YOU!!!!!!

FIRST MODERATOR ON SCENE: Alright, listen up you two! The rules state that no personal attacks are allowed. If you keep this up, I'll have no choice but to lock this thread and possibly ban you from this forum.
Thank you.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: HE STARTED!!!!

MR. WOMBLEEDGE: No I didn't.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: YES YOU DID!!!

MR. WOMBLEWOMBLE: Nope, not me.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: STOP MAKING FUN OF MY NAME!!!

NEWBIE FRED: Uhhhh.... guys? My wife's in pretty bad shape ow... could you get back to the original subject and help me out? Mr. Womblebottom, for your information, I have neither a 411 or 911 button on my phone.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

MR. WOMBLEBOMBLE: Are you upset?

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: <stabs monitor with steak knife, causing electrical burns to his forehead, palm and cat>

NEWBIE FRED'S WIFE: What the heck is going on here?

NEWBIE FRED: Uhhh... nothing Honey, I was just chatting with my new friends.

NEWIE FRED'S WIFE: Don't give me that crap, Elmer! I scrolled up and saw what you wrote! Why'd you say that I need an ambulance???
ARE YOU PLANNING SOMETHING?

18YEAROLDMALE-LOST: Hi NewbieFred's wife. My name is Tommy. I'm 18 and have pistures of me naked. What are you wearing and can we cyber?

SECOND MODERATOR ON SCENE: I just banned that 18 year old pervert. My apologies, Fred's Wife.

NEWBIE FRED'S WIFE: Don't ban him!! Believe me, Elmer's going to pay for what he said!!!
Psssstttt.... Tommy, I'm wearing the tarp from my husband's Ferrari. I must admit, it's VERY VERY TIGHT!
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MODERATOR: Okay, I unbanned the kid, Mrs. Fred's Wife. Happy to help.

18 YEAROLDKID-LOST: You mean that you're wearing a tarp of a CAR??? AND IT'S TIGHT?!?!?!?!?
Moderator, I'd like to be banned again, please.

MR. WOMBLEBOTTOM: Hey, wait a minute! NEWBIE FRED HAS A FERRARI?!?!?!?!
AND HE'S ASKING HOW TO GET HIS WIFE TO THE ER FAST?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I just KNEW he was here to cause trouble!!!!!

MODERATOR, ON LAST DAY OF EMPLOYMENT: This thread is locked!

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Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.


 
Too freaking funny....
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The vague and tenuous hope that GOD is too kind to punish the ungodly has become a deadly opiate for the conscience of millions.

*A. W. Tozer

2 Cor 5:10
 
You guys are a RIOT!

With entirely too much time on your hands.

Thanks for the laughs!
 
RampaginRedneck:Take a tractor, your wife can sit in the front end loader!Oh an give her the shotgun, you need to concentrate on drivin. Dinner is still her job!
An if your lucky you can stop and scrape some roadkill off the road with the front end loader too.

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Fix it right the first time, use Baling Wire !
 
Politically Correct Persival: If you had arraigned for Home Birthing with a Midwife instead of buying into the Medical Establishments line about hospitals you would have avoided this whole issue as well as not traumatizing your child, you monster!
 
SYCOTICSAMURAI: But wait! I have a $4500 katana. I can deliver the baby right now! QUICKLY- Newbie, have your wife stand REEEEELL still....
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Umm... can we stay on-topic here? This is BLADE forums. You'll notice my "contribution" and SycoticSamurai's mention knives. The rest of you are just detracting from the thread!
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Mr. Pockets of Confusion USA: "Well, a pregnant lady, I've got the perfect knife for a c-section right here. But wait, I've got my old trusty large, "I can't believe it's not a sword" folder.

Hold on, I can't use that it's too cold. Let me get my undetectable not metal poking device in my armpit holster. Darn, why don't these pants have more pockets inside AND out?

Oh wait, I can use my $$$$$$ utility knife with microscopic molecular edge. But wait, should I carry it? Yeah, so I can enjoy...wait, should I sell it?

Do I need two knives? Of course, I'll use it to stop attacks from rogue car doors, then I'll cut the wires inside.
 
To Newbie Fred and all members of the Womble persuasion:

Check the FAQ.

If your answer does not exist there, please do a search on Dejanews, as this topic was discussed at length several times in recent months.

Thank you.

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Don LeHue
Royal Oak, Michigan

The pen is mightier than the sword...outside of arm's reach. Modify radius accordingly for rifle.

 
What?!
Nobody has mentioned using a Sebenza for the possible C-section!
Tighten Up!

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So, what IS the speed of dark?

 
The X-Rays show a peculiar dent or "notch" as we may say. Now we have to determine the "real" father of the child.

Whay mystery awaits us underneath the diaper?
 
Mr. Self-absorbed-

"Your water what?" <picture confused look as flaring synapses fail to realize the physical properties of water that could actually break> "In a minute hon...Simpsons is almost over. Hey, while you're up in the kitchen, how 'bout another beer?"

VG, you never cease to amaze.
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Ron

Is that thing shar...OW!


 
But none of my other children have NOTCHES???!!!

Mr Tactical: I'm sorry dear, you'll have to go change. You're not wearing black.

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Can it core a apple?
 
SycoticSamurai -

Your $4500 katana is a piece of cheap cr*p. If you want a real knife, use a Sebenza.
 
FOURTH MODERATOR ON SCENE:

Geez! This belongs in the Community area. Do I lock and slide it or ignore it? Ah heck, it's that time of year! Merry Christmas
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!

Where'd I put that bottle of 18 year old Glenlivet?




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-=[Bob Allman]=-
..Rapid City, SD..

I did NOT escape from the institution! They gave me a day pass!

BFC member since the very beginning
Member: American Knife & Tool Institute; Varmint Hunters Association;
National Rifle Association; Praire Thunder Inc.; Rapid City Rifle Club;
Spearfish Rifle & Pistol Club; Buck Collectors Club (prime interest: 532s)
Certified Talonite(r) enthusiast!


 
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