A Few Jokes For Humor

I

ibear

Joined
Apr 15, 2002
Messages
478
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife. :(
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"
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:) :) :)

A smile a day keeps the downers away! ;) ;) ;)
iBear
 
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
 
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He saunters into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over and says, "Nope."

Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room, completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
 
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