A true HOG story

[Ian Allomes]

A vacuum cleaner salesman pulled up at an old farmhouse, hoping to make a sale, he notices this weather beaten old farmer sitting on the porch picking his teeth with a Busse NO.
Running around the yard was a pig with three legs, so to break the ice he said, nice pig, what happened to his leg.

The old farmer. Replied Good pig that fella! Ma wife was havin a bath and doin the washin down the dam there and slipped in, she can’t swim a stroke. That pig jumped in, grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and dragged her out and saved her life.

Good pig that fella.

With that the salesman replied, hey that was clever, but what happened to his leg.

The old farmer scratched his whiskers and replied, I was out mustering cattle for four or five day’s and this rough looking fella came around and tried to break into the house, the wife was there all on her own, that pig he grabbed the bloke and beat the tar outta him. Then held him down so the wife could go to town and get the police, no telling what would have happened if that pig weren’t around.

Good pig that fella.

By this time the salesman was starting to get a little aggravated, he blurted out what happened to his bloody leg.

The old farmer looked up at him and said:

Well when you get a pig that good, you don’t eat him all in one go!!!


Well, maybe not all that true.

 

[UffDa]

Geez Ian! I guess you don't get out much down under.
That joke is so old, that the first time I heard it I kicked the slats out out of my crib!

As long as things are slow around here, here's another oldy but goody.

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A farmer had an old broken down horse and since it couldn’t work anymore he decided to see if he could sell it. He put a sign up on the road and one of his neighbors stopped by to see the horse. He bought it for $50.

The farmer was concerned about the horse and didn’t want his neighbor mad at him, so he drove over the next day to see how the horse was doing. When he got there, he was told that the horse died that morning. The farmer felt bad about the whole thing and offered the money back. The neighbor told him not to worry about it and that he was still happy with the deal.

The next week the farmer drove back to the neighbor just to make sure that everything was still OK between them. The neighbor told him that he got $198 for the horse. The farmer asked how he got $198 for a dead horse. The neighbor told him that he sold 100 raffle tickets for $2 each. The farmer asked if anyone got upset because the horse was dead. The neighbor told him that the only person that was upset was the winner, so I gave him his $2 back.

 

[Ian Allomes]

Your right!
Takes a long time to filter down here, I think we got television about forty years after you guy’s. I love the one about the horse.

 

[Jerry Busse]

LOL!!! Good ones boys!!!!

 

[The Porcupine]

A young priest just took over a new parish. He quickly became liked by people and spoke to everybody.
One day after service, he was riding his bicycle home.
It was a pretty hot day, so he decided to take a rest at the top of a steep hill between his home and the church.
While he was resting, looking at the birds in the sky and thinking about how good life was, two little girls and a small dog came walking along!
"Hello little girls!" said the minister.
"Hello Father!" said the girls, "woof!" said the dog!
"A very nice day to take a little walk with the dog!" The minister said, "what is your name, little one?"
"My name is May!" one of the girls answered.
"What a beautiful name for such a sweet little girl!" the minister said and asked the other girl her name.
"My name is April!" she said!
"Now that is a pretty name for a little girl too!" the minister said and continued: "What is your little dog called then?"
The girls looked at each other, shook their heads and looked into the ground!
The minister found it strange and asked them again,
"Come on, no reason to be shy, what is his name?" he asked.
The girls were too embarrassed to answer!
"Listen, I really want to learn your dog's name!" the minister said
"Well ………. OK, his name is Oink!" one of the girls said.
"Oink???? That is a most peculiar name for a dog! How come you called him Oink?" the priest said,
"It's because he likes to s*rew the pigs!" the other girl answered!

 

[TDE]

very cute! Paul