You're not gonna reach godhead, Josh, no matter how many cacti you have. I don't know why you think it dark, anyway. I wish I knew why in Hell it's a dark heart in a dark world. I hope to god you're not as depressed as I can be. But there are people here who are no stranger to this.
I wish you'd do something about it. It could be worse; you could be munk- 48 years old and nearly pointless.
Let me finish my book, and you can edit, then I can send it out for no damn good reason or result and we can get really depressed!!
AT least you're loved; by a wife, and friends. As am I. It aint much, but it'll have to do, won't it?
PS, if you really do become a God forget I said all of this and give me custody of Montana as my fiefdom....unless of course as a 'dark god' you enjoy a vigorous scorched earth policy...
munk