Amusing true stories

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leather1

Joined
Mar 22, 2005
Messages
10
Thought it might be interesting to share some amusing true stories that have happened to you or someone you know. I'll start with one that happened with my son, who works for a utility company.
The setting is in a hotel lounge during happy hour. He was on a job assignment out of town and was kicked back savoring a tall cool one at the bar when this gent sits down beside him and strikes up a conversation. This is the gist of what followed.

Gent:
"Hey, how's it going?"

Son:
"Fine, thanks."

Gent:
"You from out of town?"

Son:
(Thinking to himself - duh! That's why I'm at a hotel!)
"Yeah, I am."

Gent:
"What's that on your belt? Is that a knife?"

Son:
"It's my Leatherman."

Gent:
"What's a Leatherman?"

Son:
"Well, it's a multipurpose tool with a blade and pliers and stuff."

Gent:
"Why would anybody wanna carry a set of pliers on his belt?"

Son:
(looking directly at Gent while taking a swig of beer)
"To pull the lips off people that ask too many nosey questions."

Gent:
(gets up and moves to a table across the room)


NEXT?
 
This happened to a surveyor I know. He and his crew were taking measurements on some rural land for a utility easement. An old truck pulls up and an even older guy gets out carrying a shotgun. He looks at my friend and says, "Who's in charge here?". My friend looks back at him and his scattergun and says, "Well, it looks like you are".

Jack
 
I've got one that isn't real bad but never the less I was heading out of a bar with my highheel leather boots. A little tispy after a few beers I put on my helmet and thought to myself "of all the accidents I've had at least I haven't had one just walking" about that time I lost my balance on the slopeing ramp outside of the bar, got my heel stuck in a slat, pulled my foot out, lost my balance and ran head on into the front of a parked truck. That was embarassing...people were sitting in the truck too. Yeah, bad and nationwide I was. :rolleyes: Cavelady
 
Being an ex-skater, I've seen some amusing things, especially with the local cops.

At an intermediate school (my old school) we used to skate there all the time.

One time there, we see a cop comming. I forget why the cop was there, they came pretty often. "Don't run" one of my friend says. We just keep skating as he walks over to us. "Come on, guys you know you can't skate here. There's signs all around here." We say okay and good day officer, and we hop a nearby fence and proceed to play basket ball. We ask if he wants to jump in, the cop leaves and we get back to it. :D

Same place, different cop. That day we had choke people, maybe 20? He comes telling us we have to leave, this guy looks cool. We start shaking hands with everyone (including the cop) and saying good byes. After about 5 minutes of that he leaves laughing and we get back to it. :D


The "good skaters" ask to borrow my kicker (a shallowly curved small, potable ramp). I tell them to bring it back at the end of the day. They never bring it back, so I called on of them, he says they left it by the pool/rec center. :mad: So I planned to pick it up right after school, the next day. When I go to check if it was there in the morning, it wasn't there. "Mother F***er! Where the bla bla bla bla my ramp?" I say to my friend. "Uh, I think I saw it in the trash can." :confused: (this ramp is about 2 1/2 feet wide and around 3 1/2 feet long, our garbage cans were 55 gallon drums)

"Where?"

"In the back, by wood shop."

"Oh mother F***er" :mad: (he was talking about a Roll-off, a huge one, cuz they were rennovating parts of the school) At lunch I went to go check it out. Sure enought I saw it peeking up from the top. :mad:

Me and my friend went to go pull it out of there at the end of school. I asked the wood shop teacher to borrow a chair, to climb into the Roll-off explaining my problem. He laughs at me and says "NO" So I just climbed up into it. My ukulele teacher saw me inside and started yelling at me for a while then left. Me and my friend pulled it out. Leaving the school, we pass the basket ball court and all my teachers see the ramp and stop us to check it out. Even my wood shop teacher(an A$$hole) said I did a good job with it. Did I mention that this was home made?



My friend and I got bored one day. We started playing around with some small 2-strokes. Put one on a scooter, put one on a small boys bike. We rode those things to Home Depot, pass the bus strike picket lines (we waved :cool:) to get a hot dog. We got lots of stares and a lot of props. :cool:






Okay, I think my stories aren't amusing... Side note; check out The Mighty Goat's post on the JD forums, especially the ones with pictures comming from where he used to work. ;)
 
When my son was a fireman in a neighboring town he had to go to Daytona Beach to shop. He was in civvies & wore his knife. A very officious cop stopped him,asked for ID & whipped out his ticket pad,
" What's this ?"
"Arresting you for carring a dangerous weapon's what it is !"
"Officer,I am a fireman. If you were upside-down in a canal,would you want me to try to figure out how your seatbelt worked or had you rather I had this handy? Remember,I am actually on duty any time there is a need."


"Sorry , sir, please have a good day"

Sorry,knuts,forgot the brand he carried.

Uncle [ common sense prevails ?] Alan
 
When I was serving aboard a ship about 10 years ago, we had a female cook who was kinda chunky and kinda promiscuous. Her nickname among the crew was "Big 'Uns" due to her really large cans.

One day we were on liberty and much of the crew ended up at the same club. My buddy, an Arizona cowboy, goes up to this girl and says "Hey Big 'Uns, you wanna two-step?", and they both go out and cut a rug together.

After they're done, he comes back over to me and I say "What the hell are you doing, calling her "Big 'Uns" right to her face?"

He looks at me with this stupid look on his face and says "I thought BIGGENS was her name!!!"
 
Cindy Denning said:
I've got one that isn't real bad but never the less I was heading out of a bar with my highheel leather boots. A little tispy after a few beers I put on my helmet and thought to myself "of all the accidents I've had at least I haven't had one just walking" about that time I lost my balance on the slopeing ramp outside of the bar, got my heel stuck in a slat, pulled my foot out, lost my balance and ran head on into the front of a parked truck. That was embarassing...people were sitting in the truck too. Yeah, bad and nationwide I was. :rolleyes: Cavelady
Click to expand...

That was sooo very funny! It's no wonder that you think so sensibly all of the time. You really know how to use your head. ;) :p :D
 
I was about 12 or 13, and was outside goofing around with some friends a few doors down from my home. We were rough housing and being stupid. (and probably doing something that, if I saw some kids doing today I'd wonder at the stupidity of today's youth. Sometimes I think it's truely a miracle that any kids manage to live to see adulthood. Well, the boys at least, girls seem to have some survival instints.) I managed to literally get smacked up along side the head with a 2x4. It knocked me out cold for what I was told was about 3-5 minutes.

When I came to, I was still dazed and disoriented. Someone had run to my house, and brought my dad running, and by the time he got there, there was a small crowd of onlookers, all wondering if I was ok. Dad's surveying the scene, I've just coming to my senses, and most of the people there think I'm about to get rushed to the hospital. Dad asks me what happened, I give him an abbreviated account (leaving out the worst of the stupidity). Dad gives me a couple awareness questions and coordination tests, which I pass in flying colors. He helps me up, says the usual, "I hope you learned something.", and starts to head home.

One of the adult onlookers asks my dad why he isn't more worried, and aren't he going to take me to the hospital.

Dad answers, "Nah, it just hit him on the head."

He said that to folks alot about me.

Dave
 
I did something like Dave, the day I had a head-on collision with a truck.

We were playing some kind of tag and I ran between two parked cars out into the street, head down, just as a truck was coming up the block. Bam! Head first into the left front fender, knocked myself dizzy and fell backwards.

The driver heard the impact and saw me fall, so he stopped and jumped down to see if I was OK. Meanwhile, I got up, ran back between the cars and the back of the truck, and directly across the street, upstairs and home.

No body. He was panicking, thinking this little kid was crushed underneath a wheel, but he couldn't see any body parts ...
 
The worst thing i did was when i was 7 or 8. I watched a lot of cartoons then and they always put some pins on the chair before someone sat on it. So i decided to try it on my best friend. A newly sharpened pencil!!!! Just before he sat i aimed it straight up. He screamed and cried a little and i saw the tip of the pencil was gone.

Then the next day the teacher called me and asked me what happened. Turns out my best friend didn't tell on me but when he was crying while taking a shower the mother found out. So that evening iwas faking talking to someone on the phone so that the teacher couldn't get through. But my mom got suspicious and got it out of me. She laughed a little before she got angry.
 
My wife and I were sitting on the front porch and our cat was playing in the yard. The cats name was Holland but he was big cat and we often called him Fat Boy. So the cat runs across the street about the time this guy on a bicycle came riding by. The rider had a pretty big belly on him. The wife started yelling at the cat, "Fat Boy, hey Fat Boy". I'll never forget the look on the poor guys face.
 
I was in Mobile, Alabama years ago after Hurricane Fredrick devastated the place. I worked for Alabama Power and was serving as engineering coordinator for a Georgia Power Co. storm team repairing power lines. Well into the second week of work, were working one day in a residential area and really making good progress, hoping to get our entire feeder back on that day. Then I got a radio call from the district office instructing me to go to an address out of the area we were working and see if we could pull off what we were doing and help him out. This is always aggravating, because you suffer the loss of productivity entailed in shutting down at one location and setting up at another. Therefore I was not in a good mood when I arrived at the address. That was to soon change.

I pulled up in front of a funeral home. The funeral director, a small, slender, immaculately dressed man who reminded me of George Jefferson, came across the parking lot to meet me. We self-introduced, and I asked how I could help him. He looked at me and I swear there were tears in his eyes as he said, "Mister, I would really appreciate anything you could do to get my power back on. I've got folks starting to stink real bad."

Needless to say, we set about repairing his feeder as soon as possible.
 
I used to live in San Diego while I was in the Navy. I have always been into fitness ( I am a life long Martial Artist), so I rode a bicycle to and from work. I was clipping down a hill in SD and a woman turned left, in front of me, and cut me off. With a collision on the way, Man, the stupid crap that runs through your head. I was in gymnastics as a kid and I thought I would do a roll over her car. As my bike hit the car, I jumped to roll over the car. MY BIKE GLOVES CAUGHT ON THE HANDLE BARS AND I FLIPPED ONTO MY BACK ON HER HOOD! I rolled off the other side and drug the bike over her car. Smashed her fender, hood, grill, broke the windshield, and I walked away from it. I guess back on the hood is better than head through the windshield.
 
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