An explanation of the last few years

Charlie Mike

Charlie Mike

Sober since 1-7-14 (still a Paranoid Nutjob)
Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
Joined
Nov 1, 2000
Messages
28,365
I think the last time I was here was back in 05.

Ever since I came back from the Army, I've been struggling with drugs, specifically methamphetamines. I made several attempts to get clean. I pretty much dropped out of life. I was living with bikers and dealing dope, using several times a day. I went almost a year without ever really "coming down". Two years ago, I was arrested and court ordered into rehab. While in inpatient, I learned about VA benefits that I might be entitled to. I scheduled my appointments and months later I get a thing in the mail saying I'm 70% service connected due to PTSD and secondary substance abuse. I'm not saying that my service as an infantryman caused me to get high, I used because I wanted to, it just made things worse. I haven't used the dope since 1-1-07.

Last month I completed a 2 month chemical dependancy program at the VA. This time for booze. Since quitting dope, I became an alcoholic of sorts, mainly because it is legal and acceptable(?). I've been going to AA for 3+ months and life is definitly getting better.

I've got a claim with the VA for IU now as well as one for SSDI. Once my IU comes to fruition, I'm using the voc rehab program to get back in school and train as a CNC programmer and machinst, which will supplement my MIG, SMAW, and carbon pipe welding certs. Right now I'm going through PTSD counciling at the vet center and trying to create a serene outlook with my girlfriend and my first apartment.

My old lady has helped me greatly, she's one hell of a shrink. I've come to realize that the thing I liked so much about meth was that it kept me awake and alert. I didn't put much validity into PTSD bullshit back then. I was unconsciously trying to find the same high that I found in combat. I liked the way that with meth, there was always something to do and someplace to go.

I always saw you guys as kind of a way extended sort of family. I figured my re-appearing around here might be due an explanation. That's why I'm telling you all this now. I don't plan on dropping out of life again, but one day at a time.
 
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I wish you the very best, and will pray for you. I know how hard it is to struggle with an addiction; as I am in recovery myself. By the Grace of God, I have been sober for a little over 20 years! I hope you are attending meetings. They told me when I was in Rehab, when I was getting out, 90 meeting in 90 days, get a sponsor. I hope that you have been in enough pain to stay sober/clean. If I can help, please PM me!!
 
Well done!!!!!

I'm a recovering alcoholic as well. I was blessed enough to get ahold of my addiction before I "hit bottom".

Go to meetings

Lean on your sponsor, family, friends when needed. Remember, you can't do this alone.

One day at a time ;)
 
Welcome Back to the Blade Forums, Glad to hear that you found the road to Recovery.
 
Solid-

Stay with it, keep the faith, and keep being real with yourself and others.

Be blessed,

Ted
 
Solidsoldier, from what I have heard about meth, you're simply lucky it didn't degenerate you until you simply died.

Glad to hear that you have (obviously) been working your @** off to get and stay clean.
I generally have a harsh view of those who get addicted to drugs, but a person like you who appears to have a serious commitment to being sober gets a good deal of my respect back.

Sounds like you're on the right track. Best of luck to you.
 
I wish you all the best. You've committed to a positive plan and are making the right steps to gain some control over your demons. Hang in there and good luck with your voc programs.
 
Best wishes on your recovery.

I do have a piece of advice regarding your choice of schooling in CNC programming and machining.

Don't.

I did exactly that after having to take a FD disability retirement, and if I had thought things through better, I'd have gone back to college and got trained and certified in I.T/ computer networks, ect.

My wages as a machinist/programmer suck. There isn't anywhere else for me to go here, and the bottom is dropping out on what little manufacturing is left around here. I don't have the option to move because we take care of a disabled parent, and my kids are here.

I hope you have better luck in California.
 
Welcome back solidsoldier - thanks for opening up with what's going on. I joined up here in '07, well after your previous forum presence. As a navy vet myself (with some issues of my own) with a very understanding wife, my best advice is lean on the support of those around you, and keep going to the meetings.

My wife has helped (sponsor?) two friends go through chemical recovery programs, and we've both cried together with those who've gone through it; sounds a little sappy, I know, but we're both better for it.

thx - cpr
 
SS,

Glad to have you back in the fold. Despite the problems you have dealt with, it is easy to tell the type of person you are from your posts here over the years. Let that part shine through and I think things will work out well for ya.

Drop me a line, if I can ever be of any help. (Or if you just need someone to yell at.) ;)
 
SS,
Good to see you back. I spoke with you quite some time ago IIRC. If there's one bit of advice I can give......talk to the VA folks and stick with your program. I have seen first hand what happens when you take "joe" out of high stress, high tempo enviroments and stick him back in the "world". "Joe" often looks to either dull the madness with booze/depresents or feed it with stimulants. You're far from being alone in this bud. If it's any comfort, there are tons of guys just like you that are turning their life around and getting back on track.
m1"have a few monkeys of my own"marty
 
I remember you from way back when. I think we talked on BFC chat or AIM or something. I think we had similar taste in knives too. Glad to see you back. Looks like things will only get better from here.
 
Great to see you back. I'm happy you got your life back together, I wish you the best of luck.
 
Well you have a lot of courage. I know what your going threw Im struggling every day to. I went to rehab on mothers day of this year. 5-11-08, what a mothers day gift. But i totally turned my life around I go to meetings every day, go to the gym, practice my skills i learned from here and just do it (one day at a time.) I have met a lot of good people and it saved my life.

For people that haven't gone threw what we have gone threw, Were not bad people, we just made bad decisions

"keep coming back, it works, it works if you work it."

Heres a little quote i learned and hold close to my heart.

Religion is for people that don't want to go to hell.
Spirituality is for people who already been to hell.
 
Recognizing that YOU DO HAVE A PROBLEM is the first step.

Accepting it is the second.

Having the courage to do something about it. . . that's what always separates those who struggle from those who succeed.

My sincerest wishes in your journey for a better life and Godspeed.
 
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