Anniversary

Bawanna

Bawanna

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19 years ago today at about 10 I became a professional derelict! 19 years of being able to get the mail or wash the car without having to get up out of the chair. Am I a lucky guy or what?

Curbs and stairs can be an annoyance along with narrow doors but other than that not bad.

Just occurred to me, figured I might as well share it with my pals here.

Funny thing, it was a abnormally warm morning for May and I had a brand new (to me) Bass Boat. I woke up and thought I'd just take the day off and go fishing. But seeings as I was a partner and we had a new house going up I let work ethics prevail and went to work.

In hindsight going fishing would have been better all the way around. One day lost is easy to make up.
 
Well Im damn glad you're still around to tell us your stories and make our lives and this world in general a better place to be! I consider you lucky! Enjoy life my friend! Just being alive is gift!
 
Thanks man, this reminds me I have a ton of stories from the whole hospital ordeal I should share. They show how badly I took the whole situation. I'll use this spot to share some of them as time allows.

First one, this is after I'm on a rehab floor. I'm wearing a full body cast thing I called my turtle shell from neck to below the waist. Every morning the nurses would bring me a little piece of paper with my schedule for the day. Always the same. Occupational therapy 10-11 and Physical therapy 11-12 and the rest of the day seek out adventure and trouble anywhere I could.

Well after a couple weeks of this they bring the schedule which I always taped to my turtle shell but I happened to notice a 3rd thing on the schedule. It says pysch. I ask the nurse what the heck is pysch? She says, no big deal they just have a doctor come in and talk to you. I asked a shrink? She said yeah but don't call em that, they don't like it. Well heck!

So anyhow everyone that came to visit me brought gun magazines, I had a big pile of them, so I thought heres chance for adventure! My room is right across from the nurses station, we could talk and stuff when they were at the desk, great spot.
I tried to marry two of them........any prior to the shrink coming I laid out a bunch of gun mags on the bed, as I was sitting in the chair beside it, I see a guy I ain't seen before at the nurse's station so I figure he's my target.
So I start studying the mags open to various pictures really hard when he knocks on the door. I turn of course and he says he's Dr. Something or another, don't recall and wants to know how I'm doing. Told him great, couldn't be better but I got a question. I asked if he knew anything about guns, he said some but not much.
Well I inquired if you was gonna kill yourself would you use a revolver or an automatic. He went from deadpan serious to bent over laughter and said you really don't need me do ya? I told him probably not but since he was there we might as well hang out.

He was a pretty good guy for a shrink, brought up some interesting subjects I hadn't even had a chance to think about yet. Like sex, going to the bathroom stuff you don't think about. I thought what's to think about? He said they don't know if that's all gonna work anymore?:eek: Crap give me that gun magazine, what you talking about.

Turns out all was ok, had a floor party when I went tinkle the first time on my own and knew we didn't need the hose!

I got a bunch more, I'll do later. Makes me chuckle.
 
Thats too funny! Man id be a basket case! When my back was giving me hell they always asked me if I had trouble going to the bathroom and I didnt know why they were asking about my bladder. It my back that hurts doc?? Finally figured out that all that stuff in connected together by set of nerves etc. Then I started to worry. As far as sex goes marriage is the worst thing for that. Not the back. Once your hitched....well..The courtin's done! Maybe thats why some people live together forever and never get married? That is a question i should have asked one of them a long time ago:confused: Can you imagine going blind after half your life. Man that would be and adjustment that would be hard to deal with! Like I said you are a lucky man for sure!
 
When I first got to the hospital even still on the site I was brutally thirsty, in fact I was gonna go get a drink before we stood the wall up but thought we'll stand it and then get a drink. Course from then on nobody would give me a drink. Ambulance let me suck on a wet rag. Doc at ER said no water. Grrrrr. Then he comes sauntering in with a nice cold frosty glass of Pepsi. I was like thank you so much and put my hand out, he was like oh crap and left the room and apologized. Dang.
Well to make up for that he put a note on my chart that every tray (anything a nurse brings you is a tray, kleenex, a shot, medication, a wet towel everything) is to include a cold Pepsi!
I didn't know it at the time. Well after about the 2nd week a nurse asked me what I wanted to do with all the pepsi. I was like what pepsi? They had been putting it in a large fridge in the dining room. I went and looked and it was stuffed. Every shelf double stacked top to bottom.
I told em to take it home, drink it themselves, wife took a bunch home and to get that off my chart, I love Pepsi but man can only drink so much ya know?
 
I was by far the youngest person on that rehab floor. Most were older people with strokes, or heart attacks and such but I get along really good with old people and they made us eat in a common dining area. They didn't want you laying in bed mostly. Also helped in learning how to do stuff once you escaped.
One guy was in a wheelchair himself but his wife was an inmate recovering from a stroke. We hit it off right away first time I went into the dining room. He had me come over to their table and set with them and their group. He brought a thermos of coffee everyday since the coffee in the hospital sucked really bad. Never could figure it out. He also had a lift on the back of his pickup to lift a wheelchair into the back. We planned an escape but nurses got word of it and we were busted before we tried.
Anyhow this guy, he could stand but for some reason he'd just collapse sometimes without warning, heard he was cured later on but he was in a chair then. Arrived every morning at the same time like clock work.

Well after about the 3rd week I had the nurses help put me in bed with his wife in her room right before he arrived. Nothing hanky panky, all up and up. The look on her face when I suggested the plan and even more so the look on his face when he rolled in and sees me pretending to be sound asleep next to his wife of 46 years! A kodak moment for sure.

More later.
 
When you spend a lot of time in the hospital, (I knew every hospital within' 100 miles of my house) you tend to find humor where you can, in between the moaning and screaming on the floor it was nice to get a laugh once in awhile.

I was recovering from knee replacement surgery back when they used keep you for a week or more and the nurse had come around to do the beginning shift vitals. She put the bp cuff on, the thermometer in my ear and grabbed n mutt wrist to check my pulse. Ask of a sudden she had this panicked look on her face and she began asking me how I felt?

When I heard the cart with the sphygmomometer on it I rolled up two wash clothes and stuck then under my armpits and squoze down, when she checked my pulse it was barely there as was my blood pressure. Before she could call for a crash cart I started laughing like an idiot which seemed to fuel her panic even more.

I had to let her know what I did, after that she made it a point to over inflate the bp cuff everyone she took vitals after that.

The only reason I even thought to do that was because when I went to school to be an EMT during the physical assessment portion of the final, the instructor who posed as my patient used that trick to simulate a symptom I was supposed to dismiss diagnose.

The older I get the more I see of them, (hospitals).
 
Joe, we're all damn glad to have you around. You bring so much life to the place:)
 
Yup, on not great days you stay focused on being on the top side of the dirt and all seems to be A OK.

Merci Beacoup for kind words. I think that's French, I know so many languages I get mixed up sometimes.

While I was up on the rehab floor I got cleared to go wherever I wanted in the hospital, even the sidewalks outside, I just couldn't leave. So I went down to the intensive care area to visit the one pretty nurse I remembered during my heavily medicated state on that floor. I rolled up and asked for her car keys I was gonna make a jail break. Without hesitation she reached into her nurse smock (which looked really nice on her) and tossed me the keys. I said thanks, spun around and started to roll away. Then reality sunk in and she was still standing there in anticipation of same.

She said you thought of a few problems? I said yup. She said you don't know what kind of car it is, I said, not I got that figured it's a Honda. She said right, but you don't know where it is, told her that's not a problem I'll find it.
She said so whats the issue. Had to admit I didn't know how I'd get in the thing. She said if I stuck around another couple weeks they'd teach me. No time for that.
So I told her my biggest issue was if it was a manual transmission. She said it was. Didn't figure I could work two broom sticks to operate the gas, brake and clutch, I'm good but not that good. So I gave her the keys back.

That was my second to last escape attempt.
 
The last short lived attempt was briefly mentioned above. The dude whose wife I climbed in the bed with. His truck had one of the lifts in the back. Figured since I didn't know how to get in a car, he could just hoist me into the back of the truck and drive.
Nurses knew we were out for fun but they put the brakes on that plan straight away.

While I was still down on the heavy drug floor, don't remember much of that first week but it was quite warm the whole month I was an inmate. I apparently was heavily medicated or actually slept which is rare in a hospital as every time you close your eyes they want to do something to ya.
Anyhow a nurse probably with fully good intentions put a blanket over me and tucked it in tightly under my arms, basically made me a mummy. I woke up just drowning in sweat and feeling horrible. But I couldn't get my arms free, try as I may I could not get my arms out of that stupid blanket. I rocked back and forth and pulled gave it my all. Seemed like hours but probably only minutes went by before I got one arm lose. Looked for the call the nurse button but she'd left that across the room out of reach. Door was shut. What to do, what to do......so I listened and anytime I thought I heard somebody walking by I chucked stuff at the door. Cups, kleenex box, flower vase, anything I could reach.
Finally I knew I heard someone for sure and all I had left was a water pitcher. So I launched that bad boy and made a direct hit on the door along with a big wet mess which probably saved me. Another nurse heard it, opened the door to yell at me and took one look and launched one of them code blue send the doctor moments. I told her just get the blanket off me and turn the fan up.

Whole bunch of folks showed up and they hauled me off right quick to some other place and put me in a big tub of ice, weren't hot no more but had to do that for quite a spell. They told me they fired the nurse but I told em she no doubt didn't have no bad intentions and meant well. Not sure the outcome of that deal.

Another nurse did get canned. Right when I got there she told my wife that when I left the hospital I'd be totally self sufficient and she could go and find her a new man! Huh? Guess a nurse supervisor and a doctor heard that and there was no saving her. I don't even recall that event, probably good drugs.

It was actually great fun. contrary to all I'd ever heard the food was really good, and plenty of Pepsi.
 
Funny thing, all the stuff I've done, motorcycle racing, loggin, construction, first bone I ever broke that I went to a doctor for was my back. Also first trip to a hospital cept for when I was born of course and even that's questionable as my momma generally tells me I wasn't born, she found me under a rock.

Second time in a hospital was a goofy brain tumor, guess I don't do anything half way huh? That trip weren't near as fun and the staff at Harborview our local trauma hospital had zero sense of humor, nada. Food was borderline inedible, no pepsi and the coffee still sucked.
Wait I'm starting to powerwhine.
 
Maybe so, maybe so........

This ain't gonna look good on my resume but I luv you. Not in any mano mano way ya understand.
 
awesome reading bawanna, I appreciate you sharing that part of your life with us, you handled it with grace, and pride( though I know its almost impossible to hold onto)--its very easy to forget how tenuous our hold on this life is and how fragile our bodies can be.
 
Sorry I missed your anniversary. Those stories range from nightmarish to inspirational. Glad you're here with us now.
 
LoL Bawanna, I just caught up with all the stories. Been away a couple days because of work. Not sure if "Happy" anniversary is the right comment, but take it as meaning happy you are as rascally as you are. I am betting your short lil hospital stay just gave you a chance to carouse with a bunch of pretty nurses without Mrs. Bawanna kicking you square outta your chair. Some day we can compare notes on some of the fun ways to kill time when hanging out in a hospital for months. Speaking as a female trust me, guys aren't the only ones that have real problems when it comes to time to be concerned about not being able to tinkle. I definately know what you meant by the celebration the first time. For me, I couldn't believe how silly I felt at 50yo to be happy I wet the bed. LOL As far as escaping. The one time I tried I was in a recovery room from the surgery and just really thirsty. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink in 2 weeks. I was what they call NPO which means nothing not even ice chips my mouth was so dry my saliva literally dried up like rubber cement when you rub it across your skin and let it dry. So I decided I was going to go get something to drink in the cantine. Hey it made sense to my drug addled mind. I made it from my bed to the door. The lights went out and when I woke up I was in ICU. Stayed there another 2 weeks before they let me go back to a regular room. I think they just didn't trust me and wanted me where they could see me all the time.

I echo the other's comments. Glad you are still around!!
 
Bawanna,
I as well just caught up with this amazing thread. Man you have some great stories and the way you tell them, puts the person right there with you, im sitting here falling over laughing actually watching you do this stuff in my head. You are one of a kind my friend, and the world is a better place with you in it for sure. You have brought a lot of life here to HI and I for one am proud to know ya and call you a friend, I only wish we were on the same side of the world, cause we could get into some serious crap together, then head down to Tecas and round up the Ndog and raise the roof. Keep the stories coming man.
 
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