Any combat vets out there?

M

Makermook

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Feb 28, 2011
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My oldest is a Marine with the 26th MEU, currently in Afghanistan. He's been there for several months and is due to rotate back to the States sometime next month. They went over there on ships, but it looks like they'll be flying straight home.

Now, it's been 25 years since I was in the military, and I never saw combat anyway, so I'm a little apprehensive about what I need to do for him. I know everyone is different, so there's no one-size-fits-all approach here, but from the little contact I've had with him while he's been over there, I know he's seen (and had to do) some pretty heavy stuff.

I guess my issue is that he'll be going from a war zone to the US in a matter of hours with little time to acclimatize in between. If they were coming home by ship, they'd have 2 weeks or so to settle down, but they'll be flying back.

So to you combat vets, what would you have wanted out of your Dad when you came back from "over there"? I'm not talking about mollly-coddling him; I'm just about the total opposite of a helicopter parent, if that's what this sounds like. I just have no personal point of reference, and I don't know if any of you can think of that *one thing* you would like your folks to have done for you.

(And I'm quite certain he'll have the chicks and booze accounted for, so that's out of my hands :))
 
What did you do together when he was younger -- hunting, sailing, movies? Do it again.
 
I am not a vet, but my younger brother, now 23, has done two tours in Iraq with the Corps. When he got home, the biggest thing seemed to be space. He came home and just wanted to be left alone. His last deployment was over a year ago and he still doesn't want to be quizzed about what happened, how was it, etc, etc. I learned was to just be around, kick back with a beer, watch football, whatever...and wait for him to talk about whatever was on his mind. Also, in true Marine Corps fashion, beer was always welcome. In fact, I think I drank more with him when he came home the first time than I did my entire first year of college.

Probably the best advice I can give is to not get upset by anything he says or does when he gets home. For a few days, my brother turned into a complete hermit. He would wake up, drink a few beers, eat something, take a smoke, and go back to bed. Or...he would borrow the car, leave his phone at home, and just disappear for a few hours. It was all part of his decompression, I guess and he would get pissed if we tried to change his plans. After about 4 days, all was "normal."

Also, tell your son I say thanks. I have nothing but respect and gratitude for our military.
 
As Dougo83 said, please thank him for his service for us. :thumbup:

I think Esav is right. Ask your son what he needs or wants to do; and give him the time, space & occasional solitude he'll (probably) want.

Take on the role of 'deflector': you probably know your family members - and you probably know some of his old buddies, too - well enough to know who would, and wouldn't, be good for him to talk to, at least for now.

A simple "we're glad you're home" is enough, most of the time.

~Chris
 
Space - pretty true. One thing about being over is you're never really by yourself. There's always somebody else you have to see, listen to, smell, etc. You get a little anti-social. It's nice not to have to worry about being safe too. No watching everyone, including your buddy, no "where's my weapon". That takes a little getting used to after a year of constant "condition yellow".

Soldiering is either booring as hell or freaky scary. Not much middle ground. And no, most people don't want to talk about being bored or scared. And it doesn't seem to make much difference if you're a truck driver, a clerk, or a grunt.

When I got back after my last year in Iraq I drove 15,000 miles by myself; crossed the USA 5 times east to west and a few time north to south. Just went anywhere that seemed like a place to go. Did a lot of walking around in the woods, saw some old friends, stayed with some family. Did a lot of just lying in the sun catching some rays and drinking a beer. Cooked a lot of "real" food.

I don't know what I'll do this time. Hawaii is looking good.
 
Being a Marine, he's most likely stationed down south in the Helmand Province or Kandahar area, which is a hot spot year round due to the mild winters. Where I am, more middle to northeast, things quiet down a bit during the winter months due to the ultra rugged terrain and snow. Just don't pry too much for information. Chances are, if he's on the front line, he's had to do and experience things that 'normal' people would never want to have to do in their worst nightmares. He probably won't want to talk about it, but if he does, just be a good ear for him. Look for signs of depression, and just be normal around him. As mentioned above, do the things you did with him before he left. Buying him a nice knife wouldn't hurt... ;)
 
eisman said:
Space....

When I got back after my last year in Iraq I drove 15,000 miles by myself; crossed the USA 5 times east to west and a few time north to south. Just went anywhere that seemed like a place to go. Did a lot of walking around in the woods, saw some old friends, stayed with some family. Did a lot of just lying in the sun catching some rays and drinking a beer. Cooked a lot of "real" food.
Click to expand...

Exactly what I did for the first year I was back stateside. The hardest part was losing the fellowship and having to deal with civilians after being surrounded by military 24/7. The other hard part was Getting used to the calm. Life didn't seem to have the same flavor to it. I found things that I enjoyed, but I couldn't recapture my previous enjoyment if that makes any sense. It took time, lots of it, to wind down and find a stable footing.

Give your son the space he requires and be understanding if at times he seems overly whimsical.
 
I'm over here now and the main things I am lookin forward to besides holding my newborn son and quality time with my wife is sleep, privacy, and real food.
 
I got back form a-stan in november army infantry 101st airborne.

As you said no one reacts the same way, some guys curl up during fire fights and some people loose their minds and just start dumping ammo. Same with the post part of it.

I was just glad to be in the states and have real food a drink and get to have sex again. they tell you not to get out of uniform until you get to your home but i bought clothes when i was in BAF and when they dumped me in atlanta i was in civies within literally 3 mintues.


I wouldn't worry about him coming back to the states within hours of combat it will more than likely be multiple day process guys in kuwait on R&R get priority so its not along turn around but about 3 days to get to the states is reasonable, so he will have some time to dwell on it.

When hes home there might be tiny little things, i woke up one night and freaked out looking for my weapon for about 3 mins and then came to my senses and went back to sleep. butt thats not indicative of a problem people just getconditioned, when i was in afghanistan i would sometimes get my body armor on in my sleep.


I think youll find that it wont be that much more extraordinary than any other visit, just enjoy the time you have with him and listen if he talks.
 
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