At-Home Dad

Lycosa

Lycosa

Joined
Aug 24, 2007
Messages
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From 2001 to 2006, I was an At-Home Dad with our ASD, autism spectrum disorder, son. These were the most challenging years of my life. Some days, I did not know if I could endure. The good news is that he is progressing. Are any other members going through this? God-Bless.
 
I expect Ren to pop in here shortly to give you some insight.
 
While I'm not a stay at home dad per say, I just relocated to Texas to help my mother out with my father who has cancer. I'm not working yet and am staying home with my wife and mother, my bedridden father, and my three kids the oldest of which has Down syndrome.

She's six and has the mentality of a three year old. She has a tremendous temper and is much stronger than she looks. I can understand your challenges to a degree, while my wife was in school, I worked at night and tended to the children during the day.

Like you said, it was the most difficult time of my life. At the same time, I cherish the time I was able to spend getting to know my kids a little better.

DSC00365.jpg


This is Mykaela, daddy's little firecracker. Don't mind the ugly guy with her, that's uuuhhhh........ some other guy.
 
I took an early retirement package in 2001, but my wife (schoolteacher) kept working and is now talking about going to age 70. In July 2002, my then 21 year old daughter was severely injured in a hit and run. With traumatic brain injury and much bodily damage, she, according to various medical authorities, would: not make it to the emergency room; probably not survive in NICU; always be comatose; always be in a vegetative state, never be able to swallow; never talk; never walk independently. I was asked twice in the hospital if I wanted them to try to save her or let her go.

I soent the first year at the hospital and then the nursing home, 6 or sometime 7 days a week. After we brought her home, for another year I had to put her in and out of bed, puree everything she ate, take her to the bathroom, etc.

Essentially I have been a full time nanny for 6 years now, although she is now able to eat, talk, walk unsteadily, and generally take care of herself. Some of you may have run into her at the Blade Show. She can be left alone during the day, so I can now get out and about by myself, and am looking forward to getting back into some limited deer hunting this fall.

The hard part about going through this is not being able to see an end to it at any given time. The easy part is that you do it one day at a time, as the heartache and frustration dumped in one load would not be survivable. The value of the extended Busse family has been tremendous during this time, and as my wife noted, provided enough diversion to keep me sane. I suppose this is one of the reasons I am and always will be one of those Busse fanatics.
 
MikeH said:
I took an early retirement package in 2001, but my wife (schoolteacher) kept working and is now talking about going to age 70. In July 2002, my then 21 year old daughter was severely injured in a hit and run. With traumatic brain injury and much bodily damage, she, according to various medical authorities, would: not make it to the emergency room; probably not survive in NICU; always be comatose; always be in a vegetative state, never be able to swallow; never talk; never walk independently. I was asked twice in the hospital if I wanted them to try to save her or let her go.

I soent the first year at the hospital and then the nursing home, 6 or sometime 7 days a week. After we brought her home, for another year I had to put her in and out of bed, puree everything she ate, take her to the bathroom, etc.

Essentially I have been a full time nanny for 6 years now, although she is now able to eat, talk, walk unsteadily, and generally take care of herself. Some of you may have run into her at the Blade Show. She can be left alone during the day, so I can now get out and about by myself, and am looking forward to getting back into some limited deer hunting this fall.

The hard part about going through this is not being able to see an end to it at any given time. The easy part is that you do it one day at a time, as the heartache and frustration dumped in one load would not be survivable. The value of the extended Busse family has been tremendous during this time, and as my wife noted, provided enough diversion to keep me sane. I suppose this is one of the reasons I am and always will be one of those Busse fanatics.
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Best of luck. I know how you feel as far as the "No end in sight" thing. I've kinda resolved myself to the fact that Mykaela will most likely always be with us, I'm OK with that now, almost glad but I know it will have it's challenges.
 
Shotgunner: My daughter is adopted, and her birth grandmother lives in Spring. Lady named Lilly Tompson.
 
MikeH said:
Shotgunner: My daughter is adopted, and her birth grandmother lives in Spring. Lady named Lilly Tompson.
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Small world huh? Does she have a relationship with her or her birth parents? Not to pry, just curious? Understand if it's a touchy subject.
 
No offense intended, but I had rather leave that subject alone. Too much bad history.
 
Thank you all for sharing.
Are there any BF parents who have an Autistic child and how are they coping.
 
You guys are awesome, thats all I have to say. :thumbup:

I am a stay-at-home dad as well, and have a full-time state gov't job that I do at home on the laptop at my kitchen table. Two boys are 7 and 11. My boss is 150 miles away, and the Blackberry in my pocket makes it appear that I am at home when I am actually at the zoo or on a field trip. So I pretty much have it made in the shade. Mrs. Powernoodle works 2 days a week (also a lawyer), so she is home most of the time as well.

While I am not qualified to speak about autism or down's syndrome, I have the highest respect generally for men who quietly take care of their own without fanfare. Staying home with your autistic or down's syndrome youngin', or sick parent, is way more manly in my book than swinging a sledgehammer and wearing a hardhat.
 
Great subject for a thread here; you dads with special needs children have my utmost respect. MikeH & shotgunner - dealing with very ill & injured family members . . . well, that's got to be some of the most challenging of all, IMHO. I & my mother talked a lot when she was helping with my grandmother a couple of years ago. I just kept telling myself - and her - that some day there will be great blessings for the sacrifices made now.

I'm a stay-at-home dad, since June 2006. Loved my job, but my wife got a much better paying position, and it just made sense for me to stay at home with our son. He's a typical boy, 8-1/2 now, no special needs other than ADD. We've managed his ADD without medications, although we may switch to meds during the school year to help his grades. He's in high-gear, full-throttle mode for about 12 hours a day, and I can keep up most of the time, but man, when he's having a rough day (high energy + ADD), I get overwhelmed pretty quick.

The great thing for us is our church has a great program for special needs kids, so when we have things going on with our son, we can always talk to them and get advice. Saves our sanity for sure.

thx - cpr

ps - shotgunner - great pic of you & your daughter. :thumbup:
 
My son is also ASD. I have watched him progress. He is moving off to college in four weeks. I agree with Lycosa and we have exchanged emails periodically. When AI kids are young they are a huge challenge. But with proper intervention and mainstreaming they often find their own way in the world which is cool.:thumbup:

There were times when the bitterness, anger, and frustration were overwhelming. But that is why I have learned to live one day at a time. It has been a big challenge and we are excited to see Alex go off to school but also scared as hell. But somehow Alex always surprises us. He works harder than most kids and knows more about life than some adults.

Alex003.jpg
 
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Ren the devils trailboss said:
There were times when the bitterness, anger, and frustration were overwhelming. But that is why I have learned to live one day at a time.
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This is a huge statement and one of the things that causes me the most hardship in the whole situation. Some members of my family just have a really hard time understanding how I think.

People who don't live my situation can't understand why I really don't think in terms of now and future. I have no idea what the future will bring, I have a known variable that I need to factor into every plan I try to make for the long term. Makes it hard to formulate a five year plan.

I'm so jeleous fo people with no variables.;)
 
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