Bitter Holidays

[KennyB]

I lost my mother and father not too long ago. This is the first holiday season without either of them, but I've been through two without my mother so far.

I try to enjoy the time I have with the rest of my family. I've always been super close with my friend David and his family; he was there when both my mother and father died. So we're like brothers and it's kind of weird because I feel like they're almost a surrogate family, but then whenever I go visit my sister I'm always reminded of what I lost.

I deal with missing them and everything all right, but what I really have a problem with is the advertising. There's always some commercial that harks on family values and it's always a really sour reminder. Mother's day and father's day are really the worse; they always build up those sentimental things mothers do for children, and then cap it off with, "What are you going to do for your mother this Mother's day?" or vise versa with father's day.

I think I've managed to have a good time on Thanksgiving though. I actually felt thankful for the family and friends I still have instead of trying to remind myself of it. I don't know how I'm going to keep optimistic about December though... My birthday is on the 16th, my father's was on the 17th and then there's Christmas and New Year's Eve.

Anyway, I just wanted to share, bitch a little bit about it. I know I'm not the only person in the world to have experienced something similar; I always feel really bad for those who have lost their mother's when thinking about what it must feel like the first mother's day after their lost.

 

[tyr_shadowblade]

I deal with missing them and everything all right, but what I really have a problem with is the advertising. There's always some commercial that harks on family values and it's always a really sour reminder. Mother's day and father's day are really the worse; they always build up those sentimental things mothers do for children, and then cap it off with, "What are you going to do for your mother this Mother's day?" or vise versa with father's day.

I have no real family to speak of either. I ignore the advertising. They are BS holidays anyway and I do not recognize or celebrate them. The "true" meaning of Christmas seems to be wanton consumerism.

Sorry to hear about your parents. It will get easier as more time passes.

 

[CARRERA50]

I also have no family I'm aware of in the US. I watch the antics of my wife's
dysfuntional brood and tell her how lucky she is not to have that nonsense
to deal with from my side.

 

[555]

You're not the only one the Holiday season is a reminder of loss and of the close Family you once had in your past.
Time does help.
Living in or near the town where you grew up and your family also lived is a constant reminder.
Just a drive in the truck can hold as many memories as a Christmas dinner.
I lost most of my family by the age of 50.
We can pretend that things will always be the same in an ever changing world and one day it rises up and smacks you in the face and all there is, is the silence.
The silence you didn't think would ever happen or prepared for.
Too soon, Too fast.

 

[Gollnick]

My mother and father have both gone home. I have no immediate family in the area. This year, I am so excited to be going to visit with my younger brother and his wife and my niece and nephew and my older brother and his wife will be coming too. It's going to be a family Christmas for me this year... the first in years... and I am so excited by it.

It is hard to be alone at the holidays. I know.

 

[dttomcat]

You and your parents will be in my prayers. I don't know why, exactly, but I firmly and truly believe that you will see them again. Smoke up. And if you need someplace to hang out on Christmas lemme know.

 

[JUST1MOR]

KennyB, my father passed away (still can't say the word died) one week before Thanksgiving in 1993. To this day, Thanksgiving & Father's Day are the two worst holidays I have all year. I do my best to busy myself with other family members, & now that my son is 26, he kind of knows what I feel & usually does his best to plan something for he & I. Best advice I can give you is to find someone or something to keep yourself as busy as possible. The holidays have become so commercialized anymore there is hardly any personal touches left to them. Let the JUST1MOR household be one of the first to wish you a Merry Christmas & the thoughts and hopes for a better new year.
Be safe.

 

[explorer13421]

Despite all the hype about multi-tasking, we humans actually do one thing at a time. Dealing with the passing of loved ones is an opportunity to have some choice about what one thing we are going to do. Simplistically, we can grieve about OUR loss, or we can celebrate what there is to celebrate in the lives of the ones who have passed. I chose to celebrate the lives of my father, mother, sister, other family members, and many friends who have died. I emphasize that celebration, and my simple brain is so focused that I do not have time to grieve about MY loss.

The holidays are full of reminders about family and family values, and rarely mention the fact that virtually every family has issues. We all know what the phrase "black sheep of the family" means, because every family has one (only one if it is lucky). As someone who deals with families a lot, my observation is that they all have stresses, strains and baggage. I sometimes say that "dysfunctional family" is redundant. Back to choice: celebrate what you have. Don't focus on what you think you don't have, especially when your thinking is influenced by media baloney.

 

[kingsqueak]

It takes a few years for things to normalize. Lost my mother five years ago and the holidays still aren't the same or quite 'normal' even. Things do level out after a while, but it's never quite as it was.

 

[KennyB]

Despite all the hype about multi-tasking, we humans actually do one thing at a time. Dealing with the passing of loved ones is an opportunity to have some choice about what one thing we are going to do. Simplistically, we can grieve about OUR loss, or we can celebrate what there is to celebrate in the lives of the ones who have passed. I chose to celebrate the lives of my father, mother, sister, other family members, and many friends who have died. I emphasize that celebration, and my simple brain is so focused that I do not have time to grieve about MY loss.

I understand what you mean. To be honest, I have lost most of my non-immediate family aswell. At my grandfather's funeral we played "Celebrate" by Rare Earth.

Just a drive in the truck can hold as many memories as a Christmas dinner.

Yeah, that is always happening to me too driving around here. There aren't really many roads and I'm always finding myself on some road/street that I had been on with my father or mother. What makes things somewhat worse is that my mother taught me to drive, and so I can always hear her voice in my head telling me what to do.

Honestly though when it comes right down to it I'd rather be able to remember all of those times that not, even if sometimes they make me feel lousy. I guess it's goes back to that notion of yin and yang, or as someone once put it, "There's nothing special about sunshine unless it rains."

Best advice I can give you is to find someone or something to keep yourself as busy as possible.

I've been doing just that, getting into collecting knives, sharpening them for people, getting started in making my own.


Anyway, I guess I should say "thanks" for the sympathy, I've never really quite known what to say about that kind of stuff. All I can say is that I'm glad that so many here can understand where I'm coming from--feels less lonely. I've been getting sick of hearing, "Oh, both your parents? ...and you're so young too!" any time I meet someone new or something. It's got to the point where I've just learned to avoid talking about them.

 

[tyr_shadowblade]

I've been getting sick of hearing, "Oh, both your parents? ...and you're so young too!" any time I meet someone new or something. It's got to the point where I've just learned to avoid talking about them.

Dude. Hot older gals (mid 30s to early 40s) will yearn to comfort you over this. You should let them. :thumbup:

 

[awh]

Christmas is about Christ. It is a time of joy because it is a celebration of Jesus, who is the Christ. It is a time to celebrate his gift to all of us and to remember his promise -- that we can live again after death in Heaven, because of his sacrifice. We give gifts because its a reflection of what Christ has done for us. If you want to increase your happiness and peace of mind this Christmas season, all you have to do is pray.

 

[OldPhysics]

It seems to me you're dealing with it, which is the best you can do.

The pain never really goes away, but the echos do diminish with time. The point is not to forget your loved ones, but to get on with the "business of living" (I suppose).

Best wishes from Northern Virginia, young fellow.:thumbup:

 

[OldPhysics]

My mother and father have both gone home. I have no immediate family in the area. This year, I am so excited to be going to visit with my younger brother and his wife and my niece and nephew and my older brother and his wife will be coming too. It's going to be a family Christmas for me this year... the first in years... and I am so excited by it.

It is hard to be alone at the holidays. I know.

This is so very true.

I've gone out of my way ... a very long way ... to avoid being alone at the holidays. And it was worth it.