Bummer

Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith

Stacy E. Apelt - Bladesmith

ilmarinen - MODERATOR
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Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
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I took a half day off from work today. This morning I was up at O-dark:30 to take a 17 year old youth to Camp Pendleton. He was enrolling in The Commonwealth Challenge, a second change program for at-risk youth. It is run by the Virginia National Guard. I was to be his mentor for the next year and a half. We have already discussed some future plans and goals.
Today, he would be going off to Fort A.P.Hill for basic training and then back for five months of residential schooling and training. The cadre is Army, Navy, Marines, and Air Force. Once he finished the residential program,he would spend another year of mentoring, life skills training, GED education classes, learning job skills, and setting career development goals.

Things were going well, he was being processed and would be on the bus in an hour or two; I had taken care of all the FBI checks and such; but just as I was getting ready to leave was called back to the commandants office. During his physical, the lad had failed his urine test. Seems he and his buddies had one last joint for old times sake last night (he has tested clean weekly for the past two months). The program is a drug free program with zero tolerance. He was shown the door - no "I'm sorry" or "Gee, thats too bad, son". At first he just sat there, and then the tears started falling. He can reapply for admission to the next class ,in July. I hope this kid can stay away from his friends and other influences during the interim, but due to his neighborhood and the people he hangs out with, I have severe doubts. Even though there is no program, and thus no mentoring, I told him I was going to see him weekly between now and July. I sat him down and told him that this was the result of making a bad decision, and if he made a learning experience out of it it could help make him stronger. He said he had let me and his parents down...I looked him straight in the eye, and told him," F**K me and your parents...you let yourself down, son." He looked stunned, and then really started bawling. After he regained his composure, he told me that nobody else ever talked to him like that. Maybe with a little luck and a lot of prayers, he still has a chance of getting himself out of the hole he has dug for himself.

The really sad thing was that he really wanted this program ( it is totally voluntary, and completely paid for by the National Guard). He wants to make something out of his life. He wants to learn welding and become an under-water welder someday. Maybe work on oil rigs or be a hull welder. I had discussed the military as a source of training, and he was considering that route when he was done with the program.

Keep this lad in your prayers ,if that is the thing you do. He needs all our help for the next six months.

I was pretty bummed by all this, but won't let it discourage me from trying to help him.

Stacy
 
Hopefully this experience will strengthen this young mans resolve and not be an excuse for him to backslide.

I'll keep him in my thoughts and hope for the best for both you and him.

Keep strong!
 
I made really bad decisions when I was young, and am lucky not to have a criminal record. I will say a prayer for him that he learns from this and makes a change for the better.
 
If he gets through this he will suceed, if he lets it beat him then he won't. These programs are very good, we studied them when I was working full time for the Guard. Depending on his physical shape the Army and Navy have underwater construction career paths. If he's not in top physical shape he has no chance in hell of completing the schools. Good luck.
 
Stacy, don't give up on the lad. Maybe this was a good thing. Sounds like it's the first time he actually had to suffer the consequences of his actions.
My grandson was raised with little discipline. He only had two spankings in his life, and I gave him both. When he was 6, I was baby sitting him for a day. He did something that I had told him not to do and then lied about it. I gave him one swat on the rear and made him sit for about an hour. From then on I never had any trouble when he was around me. By age 22 he had lost 3 good jobs for various reasons, all his fault. What he didn't know was that I knew the real reasons he Lost those jobs. All his employers had called me, because he was my grandson and they were worried about him. I never said anything to the rest of the family until they were all at my house for a cook out. He was telling everybody that all his employers were at fault. I gave him a right good pop in the gut. As he lay on the ground asking why I had done that, I just smiled and reminded him what I said years ago about lying to me. He stood up and, probably for the first time in his life, told the complete truth.
Fast forward 4 years, he is doing great and has a wonderful wife. Stacy, sometimes they have to hit bottom before you can pick them up and point them in the right direction.
I would like to know how the young man makes out, if thats OK. Thank you for taking an interest in him.
 
Don't be discouraged ... keep trying. You're doing something good -- something most of us never try. It's bound to be tough.

And even if it never quite works out for the boy, he's bound to learn something positive from all this.
 
You're a good man Stacy.

I have an apprentice machinist that made some bad decisions early in life but a few years ago he made the conscious decision to improve his lot in life and straighten up. I hired him as a machine operator. He took some initiative and a little over a year ago announced that he wanted to be a machinist. He is taking the classes and doing well and he and I have developed a realistic set of goals that he can achieve that will put him onto the path of success. But it was he who made the decision to straighten up (it has to come from within), and it took him until he was 30 to make that decision. He would be a lot further along had he got his act straight in his teens. I hope the boy you're working with gets his head on straight, because it doesn't get easier when you get older.

A lot of folks, for whatever reason, don't learn good life skills - and it holds them back and keeps them miserable. As they say, if you teach a man to fish...
 
Best of luck! I used to be a detention officer the local juvenile center. Many of the boys that were there had lots going for them except their crappy home environment. One of the worst discipline problems was also one of the most intelligent kids there, but once he was out and around the same friends with the drugs, alcohol, etc. he would lapse and end up locked up all over again. If your mentee can get away from the bad influences it would make a big difference I think. He's got some important decisions to make. Too bad that he likely doesn't realize how important they really are.
 
The lessons that hurt are the lessons that you never forget. I'll be rooting for him to keep it clean and make it into the program the next time he's eligible!
 
Wow Stacy, that must have been a real let down for you.

I hope the weekly rhythm with him is effective. Sounds like he'll need help with establishing his priorities and activities in order to get him to the next "hire in" date. He'll probably benefit by having some manageable attainable choices. Perhaps even simple things like daily exercise routines, diet improvement, a constructive hobby, community service responsibilities, etc, might go a long way to help him ground and focus and be constructively occupied. You know, a doable goal(s) he can work on with passion and dedication consistently day in and day out. Is he a weight lifter or jock type? A gear head greasy monkey type? Music? Art? Techno geek? Etc? Find his passion and and help him to figure out how to fuel it and it will likely feed him back many fold...and just might get him to that starting line. He's just at a different starting line right now, that's all. Good luck!

But then, I might just be blowing so much smoke out my.....

Keep the faith--no matter what course this young man's life takes over the next few months and years--keep the faith!
 
I spoke with him today. He is still getting high and seems pissed at the world.
I told him to think of the things he wants in life - job, family, car, etc.- and next time we talk we will try and set some goals and objectives toward those ends. I also told him to think long and hard about whether getting high with his friends is really worth screwing up the rest of his life.

I found out a bit more on his background. He is 1/8 Cherokee, and was issued a tribal card when he was born. He has a tribal trust fund that will be given to him in a check at age 18...probably between $8K and $10K. He also can get free tuition and board at nearly any state university he wishes to attend....if he meets admission standards. Sadly, all he sees right now is some money coming soon.

We will keep plugging away with goal setting and job skills training. Hopefully he will get on board.
Stacy
 
Well if he's not willing to work on meeting his goals then the military ISN'T going to be for him especially if he wants to be a deep water diver/construction diver. Ask him who in the hell is going to trust him with their life in his current state. Military divers are demi-gods of physical specimens and it's a no-BS career field, they have no tolerance for people they can't trust.
 
Stacy, in many ways I wasn't worth much until I was 30. I could give a whole sad story about how that came to be, but that doesn't matter. Sometimes it takes a while for some of us to see the light and get it together. Having someone like you that keeps a bit of faith in him and is there to point out the right direction could be huge. Hopefully in the end he will not be a disappointment. Obviously, you will not be disappointed in yourself for having made the effort.
 
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