Hey camphEads! Me and my chick found a great way to spend time but not much money: camping. We had the best time last weekend. Let me tell you about it.
First, we arrive almost around sunset. We woulda been there sooner but I like to sleep late and we got lost becuase neither of us can read the map. Anyway we get to the campsite just as the sun is going down.
It was weird, man. Everyone else was like so quiet already. But I drove my pickup truck right onto the site. Thank god I brough the truck and not my girlfriend's Prius because the mud was deep. I had to rev back and forth just to get the truck onto the center of the site. Mud was flying everywhere, man!
So then I pretty much slammed the doors to the truck and started swearing at her because she got us so lost. Loud as I can. Then we climbed onto the back of the truck and threw all out gear onto the ground, all over the place. Boy, I tell ya, tent poles are loud when they dump all outta the box.
You think they'd make those tents easier to put together. My chick is screaming at me to read the directions but I told her I was a man dammit and didn't need help. So I asked her to get me a beer because I that cooler is too tough to open.
It's taking like an hour to get this tent together. I swear they put too many of those poles in there, so i didn't use 'em. It got so dark that I had to start up the truck and let the engine run while I put the brights on for light. I freaking gave up like eight times. Well, one doesn't count because I stopped once when she found the boombox. I cranked up REO Speedwagon really freaking loud, baby, because those guys still rock it for me. Hope you liked them too campers; if not, screw you.
Anyway, I finally got the tent to stand up by putting a bunch of poles together and pounding them together with a mallet and hanging the tent off this big X I built. I used the lift gate of the truck to hold up the whole thing.
So, it was like after midnight before I could finally snap off the diesel on my truck. Now it was time for a good old fashioned campfire. We went and broke off as many branches as we could off the trees around us. I used the young sapling trees because they break easier, and I used a lot of pine trees. Man they get sticky.
And then my girlfriend is yelling at me and crap that the wood is too green. I told her she's too green, man, and showed her how a man gets a fire going no matter what. I poured about a gallon of gas on it. I keep the gallon of gas back there for my snowblower. It's okay gas, although it has a lot of oil in it. It smelled like horsecrap burning, but man what a fireball when I threw my Bic lighter into it. That's camping, dude!
Then we unpacked a couple cases of beer and drank 'em. Best part about drinking beer by a fire is that every story my girlfriend tells is so freaking funny when she shouts them. I laugh as loud as I can for like ten minutes straight. They musta been funny because I saw a lot of the other campers shining flashlights at us every so often.
So we stayed up listening to Foghat Live until like 2 in the morning. We finally went in the tent to sleep. I let the fire keep burning all night to keep any scary things like wolverines or javelinas or porcupines away.
I crashed hard until like 7:30 when the other campers were getting up. I don't know why they got up early. Musta been the mosqitos cuz they were biting my butt bad all night. I wanted to sleep, but after all that beer, I got up and left the tent.
Man it was cold. I didn't know where the bathrooms were, so I peed in the fire which was still burning pretty bad and put that out. Man, the other people freaked when I did that. Dummies don't know about roughing it *or* fire safety, I guess. Newbies.
Anyway, I would of gone back to bed but my hungover girlfriend threw up in the tent. I didn't want to deal with that, so we just balled the tent back up and stuffed it back into the box that it came in from the rental company.
We drove off, but I learned a couple of things. One: next time, I need to bring more tunes, dude. I got tired of listening to Xanadu seven times in a row. Two, pizza does not keep overnight in a box. It was nasty the next morning. So next time, I'm bringing my Honda generator and a minifridge. I'll let that baby run all night. Plus, I can bring a TV then. Three, the mosqitos are bad man. I'm definitely gonna be prepared for that by putting more oil into the gasoline for the bonfire.
Peace out, dudes.
