Can two rights make a wrong?

[shootist16]

I wanted to run this by you guys and see what you thought.

My son (8 years old) goes to afterschool care. The one he goes to is run by the YMCA. Regions bank donated a bicycle to them. The afterschool program has been visiting nursing homes. They are going Thursday to sing Christmas carols. The program director told the kids they were going to raffe the bike. To get entries you had to donate things like toothpaste and toiletries to the nursing home. My son has a bike that his grandparents got him when he was 4. Needless to say the bike is wayyyyy too small for him. He got really excited about having a chance to win the bike. He has been asking everyone to make donations. I took my oldest son to the oral surgeon yesterday (he had to have a surgery done a few months ago). My youngest son asked the doctor if he could get some toothpaste samples to take to the nursing home. The surgeon gave him a whole case to give.

I picked up my son from the daycare today. I could see he was upset. I asked him what was wrong. he said "if you have a bike already you can't win the bike". My son had earned thirty entries for the bike. He said he asked the director if it counted if you had a bike that was too small. He said he was told that they decided to give the bike to someone that doesn't have a bike. They asked all kids if they had a bike. The ones that said they did were not allowed to win the bike.

I am not saying my child deserves the bike. He probably wouldn't have won anyway, but it seems to me this is wrong. I understand wanted to get items for the nursing home. I understand wanting to give the bike to an "underprivileged" child. But they should not go back on their word after telling all the kids they could get chances to win the bike. Now I get to explain to my child that charity is a good thing, we need to help people out, and sometimes charitable organizations lie.

 

[slotstik]

this story is a bummer.

yeah, raffle sounds poorly thought out. people handling this obviously have good intentions just not really fully aware of the problems it could create, and seem a little incompetent. especially with kids who are very easily excited and get invested in something like getting a bike. but i agree your son's situation seems as deserving as anyone else without a bike.

and sometimes charitable organizations lie.

i wouldn't go here, personally, that is telling him he got screwed over by lying adults. as much as they are flawed adults, seems like they just lacked some forethought and didn't handle this very well. the point of the exercise seems to be about the need for altruism and caring for the elderly as you said, not being in a contest for a bike. other lesson here is that sometimes people mean well, but they don't always think things through, and even adults make mistakes. although, a courtesy call to the people involved might be worthwhile. at the least, your experience should be given as feedback to the YMCA.

any possibility to make a bike happen for your kid another way?

 

[shootist16]

this story is a bummer.



any possibility to make a bike happen for your kid another way?

I agree they had good intentions. They should've told the kids up front or not changed the rules.

I'm going to try and get him a bike. He is a good kid and he deserves one. I'll probably have to wait until spring. I've had a run of bad fortune lately, but thats another story.

 

[Jeff Clark]

Unchanging rules are just one of many ideals. Giving things to the poor is another ideal. Neither one is intrinsically more important than the other. I would tell my son that people who mean well can get in a situation where they have obligations to do two things that are mutually exclusive. At some point they have to make a choice of what or who to sacrifice. Watch some old "Leave it to Beaver" reruns with your son. Even the wise and benevolent father, Ward, ends up having to backtrack and disappoint now and then.

You can save for a later day the unpleasant truth that often well meaning people are idiots and your boss is both a jerk and an idiot. Then you can explain the promises of used car dealers and how verbal promises aren't worth the paper they are written on..

 

[TorzJohnson]

I'd say your boy is a go-getter and deserved a chance at that bike, regardless of the fools running the "raffle", (if you can call it that when kids fulfill the requirements to enter and are then disqualified). Even if you can't get him a bike right now, make sure you let him know you're proud of him.

 

[shootist16]

I have told my son that I am very proud of him. I explained that one should give to people who are needy (I mean really needy). I think I am going to work out a plan for him to "earn" a new bike. I'll give him so much for helping with chores, doing good in school, etc. Hopefully by the time it warms up he (and I) will have enough to get him a bike.

 

[stjames]

At eight your son is old enough to learn that life is unfair, even when you are trying to do the right thing. Charaties can be some of the worst run orginizations on the planet, even those with the best intentions. Tough lesson, but good to learn early on.

 

[Gollnick]

yeah, raffle sounds poorly thought out. people handling this obviously have good intentions just not really fully aware of the problems it could create, and seem a little incompetent.

I would agree right up until that part about incompetent.

I have worked with charitable organizations for years and ran a parochial school for seven. I've faced remarkably similar problems too many times to count. The problem is just one of not thinking things through upfront and then a sort of committee mentality later to try and "correct" the perceived mistake. I've seen it too many times. These people are good-hearted and just rushed to do something good without thinking it through. I call it the "fireman syndrome" because fireman sometimes have the same problem. They see a problem and they want to fix it and so they rush in without pausing to consider everything. Another problem that charitable organizations often have is lack of organizational memory and so the same type of mistakes are made again and again. This is due to the high turnover is un- and under-paid staff.

All I can ask is that you avoid badmouthing these people who are trying to do good.... which is more than most people try to do.

 

[Bob W]

Well, your son learned a valuable lesson about human nature and helping others.

* If you want to help someone, do it on your own without expecting anything in return.

* If you don't want to help someone, then don't let a bunch of do-gooders con you into it with phoney promises and sham contests.

He probably wouldn't have won anyway

If it were my boy, I'd really emphasize this. Nothing good can come from having small children involved in raffles, contests, and other forms of gambling.

 

[DaveH]

nd sometimes charitable organizations lie.

I'd spin it a little differently, that sometimes people don't think of everything and sometimes the rules change, sometimes in your favor sometimes not. That's a good lesson.

 

[oldfogey]

The "rules" should be the "rules", and not subject to change just to save someone embarrassment because they didn't think it over well enough. The folks running the "raffle" didn't get hurt or disappointed, the young man dreaming about the new bike did.
Dad: I think you should contact the charity and tell them in a nice way the hurt & confusion they caused.......and I applaud your idea about helping your son "earn" his new bike. That will be a better lesson for him than seeing that people, no matter how good intentioned they claim to be, often fail you.