Can we finally rename "fatwood" for God's sakes? (Humor:)

coloradowildman

coloradowildman

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Oct 28, 2009
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(I wrote this for my new blog Rocky Mountain Bushcraft and thought I'd repost it here for some laughs)


Can we finally rename "fatwood" for God's sakes?​

Ok, this has been stewing in me for quite a while. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over it. The name "fatwood" just really bugs the hell out of me. I mean, the first time I ever heard it I thought it was something from the movie Deliverance. I just had this picture in my head of that rapist guy in the movie saying "Now I want you to squeal like a pig while you're picking up that pile of fatwood!"

It's also not fair to the wood. I mean come on, how would you like to be handsome, flammable and full of beautiful resins and just be called "fatwood?" It's also not fair to other fat names. Why not call it overweightwood, big people wood or even plus-sized wood? Wouldn't this be the right thing to do?

It's gotten so bad that the International Fatwood Association lodged a complaint with Washington yesterday and plans to start an Occupy Fatwood movement until the name is changed. It could be violent folks. Imagine when the cops move in to try and beat the fatwooders and all of them ignite their 5 trillion tons of fatwood at once? Washington as we know it could dissapear in a puff of smoke. What started the complaint was a nasty photo circulated by the Hardwood Association showing what they believed was a typical fatwooder based on the name:

Fatwoodman.jpg

The fatwooders thought they looked perfectly fine the way they were, not like fatwood man. What a travesty of justice.

So I say change the name already. Call it "resinwood" or the old term "pitchwood." Fatwood has suffered long enough under such a discriminatory name and we owe it to the wood to give it the dignity it deserves before we light it on fire and then laugh our arses off as it turns into another smoking cauldron of black goo.
 
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When I was growing up in the rural south it was universally called "laterd", which I think is a colloqualism for "lighting wood".
In the pinde forest region we lived in it was as common as dirt.
 
I'm hoping for something a little more "classy". Maybe Rubenesque Resin Wood? :D
 
Aha, so it's female. I've never heard of a male anything needing the twinkle-toes description of Rubenesque as a code for fat.
 
Growing up down south we called it lightered pronounced (lite-erd)

"lets gyet sum dat der lite-erd stump n start dis her fir"

Tanslated:
"Lets go get some of that there lightered stump and start this here fire"
 
In Florida we call it lighter knot or lighter pine. I guess we could change the name to Cooper wood because it does burn like a tire.
 
FTR-14c said:
In Florida we call it lighter knot or lighter pine. I guess we could change the name to Cooper wood because it does burn like a tire.
Click to expand...

Yep, I had only heard it called "lightard" till the internet came along. Funny stuff.
 
I've heard some members here call it " Cheatwood !".........I think they are just jealous because they have to buy it from Wally world !
 
Lol, love all the names guys. I've noticed when talking to non-outdoors people and I say "resinwood" they get it pretty fast. If I say "fatwood" I get all kinds of strange looks :) I know it's a southern thing cause I went to school in the south (still have a slight accent at times too) but outside of the south the name definitely elicits snickers from people.
 
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When I was growing up we always cut the pitchwood into kindlin' for gettin the fire started in our wood stove.
 
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