Caring for a family member overseas

[annr]

I find myself in a difficult situation with a family member who has been ‘stuck’ in a Marburg hospital for over 3 weeks, now being told that it will be another week before he can fly home. In the meantime he must not exert himself. His spirits are understandably low.

He is suffering from a recurring bloody nose. He has undergone 3 cauterizations (2 with anesthesia) and now an angiogram and embolisation. After each procedure he is told that any residual blood/bleeding is ‘nothing’. Twice he has been sent to the hotel only to return to the hospital with significant bleeding. The first time he was back in the hospital in within 24 hours, the second time he was taken back in 72+ hours. He is still having some trouble, but can’t tell if it is ‘nothing’ or not. His anxiety and anger rise each time the hope of going home is dashed by another nosebleed.

I tried to get a specialist from his Boston-area Clinic to review the situation, but they will not since he is not an established patient. He is in a Catch-22. He can’t fly home until the bleeding stops and he is unsure about his status, now unwilling to accept the doctors’ word as gospel.

I would consider joining him but it would be a physical hardship/risk for me. Besides every several days he has been told is ‘fine’ and that he will be going home in a few more days. Had I gone initially, I would be there 3-4 weeks, undoable for most of us.

He desperately wants to come home and I feel helpless. A friend has made calls to find someone to do his laundry (he was washing his underwear in the sink); get him some fruit (not just cold meat and cheese). Calls were made to get him reading material—only one paper so far. Requests have been made for the name of someone in the Klinic who helps people in this kind of situation with no response. The language/cultural barrier seems significant.

Any suggestions, prayers, words of wisdom for me or him?…I started a thread in Gadgets and Gear to see if there is any gadgetry that could occupy his mind (there is no wireless internet in the hospital).

Are there agencies or charitable organzations to assist in these cases?

Ps I think that he is knife-less by now. He shipped his things back in advance.

 

[JUST1MOR]

I find myself in a difficult situation with a family member who has been ‘stuck’ in a Marburg hospital for over 3 weeks, now being told that it will be another week before he can fly home. In the meantime he must not exert himself. His spirits are understandably low.
He is suffering from a recurring bloody nose. He has undergone 3 cauterizations (2 with anesthesia) and now an angiogram and embolisation. After each procedure he is told that any residual blood/bleeding is ‘nothing’. Twice he has been sent to the hotel only to return to the hospital with significant bleeding. The first time he was back in the hospital in within 24 hours, the second time he was taken back in 72+ hours. He is still having some trouble, but can’t tell if it is ‘nothing’ or not. His anxiety and anger rise each time the hope of going home is dashed by another nosebleed.
I tried to get a specialist from his Boston-area Clinic to review the situation, but they will not since he is not an established patient. He is in a Catch-22. He can’t fly home until the bleeding stops and he is unsure about his status, now unwilling to accept the doctors’ word as gospel.
I would consider joining him but it would be a physical hardship/risk for me. Besides every several days has been told is ‘fine’ and that he will be going home in a few more days. Had I gone initially, I would be there 3-4 weeks, undoable for most of us.
He desperately wants to come home and I feel helpless. A friend has made calls to find someone to do his laundry (he was washing his underwear in the sink); get him some fruit (not just cold meat and cheese). Calls were made to get him reading material—only one paper so far. Requests have been made for the name of someone in the Klinic who helps people in this kind of situation with no response. The language/cultural barrier seems significant.
Any suggestions, prayers, words of wisdom for me or him?…I started a thread in Gadgets and Gear to see if there is any gadgetry that could occupy his mind (there is no wireless internet in the hospital).
Are there agencies or charitable organzations to assist in these cases?
Ps I think that he is knife-less by now. He shipped his things back in advance.

Annr, there would be four things I would do first thing Monday morning, & I don't know if they would help. First, call your local congressman or senate rep in your area. Second, try to call the local U.S. embassy & see if there is anything they can do. Third, check with the United Way in your area also.
Fourth, call the Red Cross. Another thing to do is to check with his primary care physician & get him involved. If he does not have one, call the local A.M.A. affiliate to see if the can offer any advice. If you haven't done so, call the hospital he is in & ask for the Director of Social Services & explain your situation.
Good luck, hope this helps a little.
Be safe.

 

[T.K.C.]

Prayers sent!!

 

[annr]

Annr, there would be four things I would do first thing Monday morning, & I don't know if they would help. First, call your local congressman or senate rep in your area. Second, try to call the local U.S. embassy & see if there is anything they can do. Third, check with the United Way in your area also.
Fourth, call the Red Cross. Another thing to do is to check with his primary care physician & get him involved. If he does not have one, call the local A.M.A. affiliate to see if the can offer any advice. If you haven't done so, call the hospital he is in & ask for the Director of Social Services & explain your situation.
Good luck, hope this helps a little.
Be safe.

Thank you for the brainstorming. I had looked into a few of these options and couldn't find a good fit, but I was ready to run down your checklist if things hadn't turned around.

The best luck has been the personal touch. That German-speaking friend I mentioned worked the phones. Her mother walked into her personal physician's office, not a friend either. HE called and spoke with the doctors in Marburg and got a report for us. (Our primary care physician returned my call, "So what's the problem?" At least he confirmed that the angiogram was the right move. I asked him about flying home, "Just use some kleenex (if it bleeds)." That sounded wrong to me. I talked my way into a conversation with what was probably a nurse practioner in the specialty department--she said unequivocably that flying would be "a disaster" with this kind of trouble. This sounded about right to me. No one would call Germany.)

My friend spoke with the nurses again. Since my initial post they have: baked him cookies, done his laundry, brought some papers, fruit, found an English speaking visitor, promised not to give him a roommate, let him sleep in.....The good news is that things have been going better for the last few days, he's less miserable, the objective.

The interesting thing is that their care (at least in Marburg) seems superior to the quality of care here. He has never been seen or touched by anyone but a member of an All-Star cast, a personal dream team. No hospitalists. No nurse practioners. I heard him ring for the nurse. I looked at the clock: 90 second response. There is far less deligation. Everyone up and down the line demonstrates familiarity with the case.

It's a tough situaiton: language/cultural barriers, uncertainty with this type of problem, feeling trapped far away from home wondering when the other shoe is going to drop, no family....

 

[annr]

Prayers sent!!

Thanks. Keep up the good work. It must be helping.

 

[Esav Benyamin]

Frustrating. My mother had a similar problem with nosebleed, but she was in a very local hospital with family and friends constantly visiting, and the cauterization worked the second time, after she'd been home, fifteen minutes away.

No, I wouldn't fly in his condition, either.

 

[annr]

Frustrating. My mother had a similar problem with nosebleed, but she was in a very local hospital with family and friends constantly visiting, and the cauterization worked the second time, after she'd been home, fifteen minutes away.

No, I wouldn't fly in his condition, either.

Yeah, and when one hears nosebleed: 'what's the big deal'?
But, when one is collected in the middle of the night from the hotel room (a few times) by EMTs, taken by ambulance to the hospital...No one to watch over you or your belongings....blood everywhere....It gets pretty hairy. I understand that ambulance drivers and ER docs are very good about hand holding.
When it won't stop after so many procedures.....

I couldn't believe anyone would think of an 8+ hour flight over the Atlantic as being OK, just a little Kleenex.....