Classic Statements Sticky

STR

STR

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Do you have a classic statement you want to share? If so post it here. This sticky is for you guys.

I'll start with one of my own in answer to living with your other half in a thread started not long ago.



Yes. Live and learn. I missed the finer print part of our nuptials as well.

Seems there were other statements there I didn't say but agreed to nonetheless.

Things like my top ten.

1) Give it up, she is always right.
2) Persist at the risk of being punished by having your 'bedroom account' closed until you see it her way. (I hate this one)
3) For one week everymonth simply acknowledge that you are her punching bag and take it with no complaint at the risk of having #2 used on you.
4) When asked to do something it means "NOW!" regardless of how it may appear.
5) Realize that when you do something it will never be done right and you will be corrected, taught and retaught the correct way for life.
6) Accept that she is a better driver than you are and that she will prove this repeatedly from doing it from the passenger seat for life.
7) Contrary to your past behavior you will ask for directions when lost or you will suffer the consequences of #2
8) You will not discuss her with her family and if you do she must be presented as an angel from heaven or you will suffer the consequences of #2.
9) You will not lie with the exception of when asked how she looks which is the only exception.
10) Know now that she will dull the crap out of the kitchen knives you kept sharp when single and that it will be your fault this is so. Argue this or get mad at her for this at the risk of suffering the consequences of #2.

I'm sure I've missed thirty or forty more.

STR
 
STR said:
Do you have a classic statement you want to share? If so post it here. This sticky is for you guys.

I'll start with one of my own in answer to living with your other half in a thread started not long ago.



Yes. Live and learn. I missed the finer print part of our nuptials as well.

Seems there were other statements there I didn't say but agreed to nonetheless.

Things like my top ten.

1) Give it up, she is always right.
2) Persist at the risk of being punished by yanking of sexual pleasures and attention. (I hate this one)
3) For one week everymonth simply acknowledge that you are her punching bag and take it with no complaint at the risk of having #2 used on you.
4) When asked to do something it means "NOW!" regardless of how it may appear.
5) Realize that when you do something it will never be done right and you will be corrected and taught and retaught the correct way for life.
6) Accept that she is a better driver than you and that she will prove this repeatedly from doing it in the passenger seat for life.
7) Contrary to your past behavior you will ask for directions when lost or suffer the consequences of #2
8) You will not discuss her with her family and if you do she must be presented as an angel from heaven or you will suffer the consequences of #2.
9) You will not lie with the exception of when asked how she looks which is the only exception.
10) Know now that she will dull the crap out of the kitchen knives you kept sharp when single and that it will be your fault this is so. Argue this at the risk of suffering #2.

I'm sure I've missed thirty or forty more.

STR
Click to expand...

what's mine is hers and what's hers is hers. Sums it up...:)

Can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear...what she says about me...:)
 
Here is another set of quotes I like.

I should have covered it in the first post but since I'm here again, this thread is for quotes, statements, quips, whatever whether they be from someone that typed something in a post on the forums or if you just liked it and want it where you would like to find it easier later, or if you just think it is worth sharing. They can be famous quotes by famous people, not so famous by no one we'd know, funny or serious. I just like having a source for neat things that are like that and thought it was a good idea. It could even be something you saw in a signiture line if you just like it.

Anyway, here is my latest addition.

THE LAWS OF LIFE

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

& Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

& Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.

& Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

& Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

& Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)

& Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
 
valentines-porn.jpg


I'm too tired for quoting anything clever at the moment... :)
 
It doesn't bother me.

STR
 
Here is another that I rather liked when I first saw it.

STR
 

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The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term: Political Correctness.

"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the 'clean end.' "

STR
 
My wife has one that she reminds me of (usually jokingly) that's a take on Jeff Foxworthy's philosophy:

"Make her happy. Keep her happy. Because if she's unhappy long enough, you'll be unhappy with only half of your stuff."

thx - cpr
 
"
Make her happy. Keep her happy. Because if she's unhappy long enough, you'll be unhappy with only half of your stuff."
Click to expand...

If you really persist in ignoring this through three marriages you'll end up unhappy with 1/8 of your stuff and that includes knives too. First hand experience speaking.
 
Yep. I liked the one where the dad told the son right after getting married that the secret to a successful marriage was this, "with women you can be right, or you can be happy, but you can't be both"

So true. :D

STR
 
while we are on the "women" topic, here is something that i have found very true while in college (btw i came up with this): "Boy would understanding women be a perk, but so would snow in Hell and we know THAT wont happen."

and from my sig line: "If you no longer recognize the man in the mirror, it's time to step back and see when you stopped being yourself."
 
Funny I was just coming to add one I heard yesterday.


"If at first you don't succeed, then try doing it the way your wife told you to"
Obviously this came from a woman. :D

STRb
 
The Definition of Insanity:
Doing the same thing over and over again,
Expecting different results.
 
My law of work appropriation: The amount of time it takes to complete a task is directly proportional to the amount of people standing around watching.

Godwin's Law: As an internet argument grows longer, the probability of a comparison to Hitler or the Nazis approaches one. The first person to make this comparsion automatically looses the argument.
 
Buddhist wannabe. Loves Boos, cows (med. rare) anything nature, particularly smokable plants, sleezy sex, rock and roll, guns and knives. Good job running porn site on the internet. Will be at the court house on Monday's for next six weeks for drug test. Need date for celebration events for my parole. If interested contact me at this number. 1-900-weluvsex
 
Man is wise not to anger woman, for he has to sleep sometime and with both eyes closed
 
Don't eat the yeller snow.
A woman is smarter for 15 minutes than a man is all day- quoted from a great friend.
Never trust a fart.
 
Just my luck:

It could be raining titties and I would get hit in the head with a dick.

Or another version: With my luck i could reach into a barrel full of titties and pull out a pecker.
 
40 Years Difference - Let's see if you see the Difference?
What a difference 40 years makes:

1969: Long hair
2009: Longing for hair

1969: The perfect high
2009: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1969: KEG
2009: EKG

1979: Acid rock
2009: Acid reflux

1969: Moving to California because it's cool
2009: Moving to California because it's warm

1969: Growing pot
2009: Growing pot belly

1969: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2009: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1969: Seeds and stems
2009: Roughage

1969: Popping pills, smoking joints
2009: Popping joints

1969: Killer weed
2009: Weed killer

1969: Hoping for a BMW
2009: Hoping for a BM

1969: The Grateful Dead
2009: Dr. Kevorkian

1969: Going to a new, hip joint
2009: Receiving a new hip joint

1969: Rolling Stones
2009: Kidney Stones

1969: Being called into the principal's office
2009: Calling the principal's office

1969: Screw the system
2009: Upgrade the system

1969: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2009: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1969: Taking acid
2009: Taking antacid

1969: Passing the drivers' test
2009: Passing the vision test

1969: Whatever
2009: Depends
 
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