Colonoscopies...

scottickes

scottickes

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Oct 27, 2005
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Colonoscopies

TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.....
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all..
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
 
I am going to be smiling like an idiot for days because of this. I can imagine for some people saying crazy stuff like this would help them be O.K. with whats going on. I have yet to have to go through a colonoscopy but can imagine the, dare I say, uncomfortable fealing one must get. :0
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
Its scary but I imagined the doctor and some nurses starting to dance.
 
I had the camera job a couple years ago. I wanted to go to the taxidermy and get a elk eyeball and swallow it. I thought it would be so funny for them to find an eye looking back at them. The wife usually goes along with my humor a bit, but, she really put her foot down.
 
Your a sick man Jim , your welcome at my place any time.
Scott,my wife laughed herself silly, wants me to send a copy to her work for the G.I dept.
 
The actual procedure isn't bad at all... it's the starving yourself, drinking the "ez out" ;), and the events that follow right up to the procedure that suck.

I looked at the doc and said, "Well, I was really hoping not to elevate our relationship to this level today, but I guess we're comitted now, eh?" :p

And yes... I'm awfully young to have had one, but I didn't do it just for kicks.

That list is pretty funny :)
 
NickWheeler said:
The actual procedure isn't bad at all... it's the starving yourself, drinking the "ez out" ;), and the events that follow right up to the procedure that suck.

I looked at the doc and said, "Well, I was really hoping not to elevate our relationship to this level today, but I guess we're comitted now, eh?" :p

And yes... I'm awfully young to have had one, but I didn't do it just for kicks.

That list is pretty funny :)
Click to expand...


and...that's your story and you're sticking to it....right?
 
I got the sigmoidoscopy a year or so ago. Among many other things, one thing I really hated was that they fill you up with air to be able to see stuff, and then you spend the next two hours farting air, in loud greezy noises (since you're obviously lubbed up pretty good too).

They didn't find anything interesting in there, so I'm good for 10 years.
 
I had an endoscopy once, the camera down the throat instead of up the poop shoot. Thank God they knock you out for that procedure!
 
L6steel said:
I had an endoscopy once, the camera down the throat instead of up the poop shoot. Thank God they knock you out for that procedure!
Click to expand...
I had both and endoscope and a colonoscopy done on the same day. I hope they did the endoscope first...:)
 
Wait until you have to have a lower GI done and they pump you up full of Barium ( about 2 gallons) from the back side, then you have to turn from side to side with this stick sticking out while they take pictures, when their done with you they say bathrooms right over there and they pull the stick out, you'll be wishing it was a colonoscopy, there a piece of cake compared to that. Filler up.:eek:

Bill
 
B . Buxton said:
Wait until you have to have a lower GI done and they pump you up full of Barium ( about 2 gallons) from the back side, then you have to turn from side to side with this stick sticking out while they take pictures, when their done with you they say bathrooms right over there and they pull the stick out, you'll be wishing it was a colonoscopy, there a piece of cake compared to that. Filler up.:eek:

Bill
Click to expand...
AMEN........ :thumbup:

The worse thing about the colonoscopy is drinking the laxative the night before...... you "sleep" through the rest of it and don't remember a thing.

What Bill described above is a different story ...... AND, when they turn you loose and say, "the bathroom it that way". You had darn well better hope it is close..... otherwise, you will leave a trail......... :D:o

PS #1 / The list is hilarious........ :thumbup:

PS # 2 / TAKE NOTE.. :D ... It may save you some embaresement & humiliation..... :D

IF, by any chance when you get to the place for the colonoscopy and they hand you a ...FLEETS Enema... and tell you to go in the bathroom and use it for a "last cleanout" before the proceedure........
.....if you are not familiar with emema bottle........

BE SURE TO REMOVE THE CAP on the spout...... .......:eek:

Yes, there is a story behind that warning...... a story I shall not share here......... :o :D
 
True story L6.. much more to the story that is even funnier..... NOW, that is..:o :D :( :o

I see you are just east of P'Cola. Where you located. I spend from Mid March to Mid October in Orange Beach, AL. Maybe we can get together and shoot the breeze sometime if you like...... before I get swamped with work in the summer.

Have a good one........... :thumbup:
 
B . Buxton said:
Wait until you have to have a lower GI done and they pump you up full of Barium ( about 2 gallons) from the back side, then you have to turn from side to side with this stick sticking out while they take pictures, when their done with you they say bathrooms right over there and they pull the stick out, you'll be wishing it was a colonoscopy, there a piece of cake compared to that. Filler up.:eek:

Bill
Click to expand...

Bill the wife went through that a few years back

she told them , I got to go,
they said wait we're almost done,
she said I got to go,
they said wait wait we're almost done,
she said I gooooot to gooooo,
they said wait wait we're almost done,
she said,, never mind :eek:

there were some very unhappy campers in the room at that time..
well you know what she felt like.. :)
 
Man, what is it about humans that makes us laugh at the misfortune of others?! :D Yeah, I'm laughing like a fool. When I had it done the doctor told me that the "night before" would be the worst part of the whole deal. Well, that was pretty bad. But he also said I wouldn't remember the "treatment" - and he's a damn liar! I remember every turn that camera made... (there were four of them)

Wish I'd have had that list while they were doing their video - or not; who wants someone holding a cold metal rope stuck in you laughing that hard? Not me! :D
 
L6steel said:
I had an endoscopy once, the camera down the throat instead of up the poop shoot. Thank God they knock you out for that procedure!
Click to expand...

:( They didn't wait for the knock out goodness to kick in for me. They started to cram the camera down before I was out. My last memory before passing out was a massive full body heave from my gag reflex. :grumpy:
 
Minutes from my colonoscopie the nurse was reading off the info about the procedure and came to the part about possible coloon tears from the camera. Later she asked if I had any religous beliefs that needed to be observed. I said "My people are deeply, spirutually offended by accidental colon tearing".
 
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