Communication and conflict; how you write something is not always how I read it.

[Chris Larrikin]

Just a concerned member speaking their mind.

I’m posting this because I’ve noticed what I think is a bit of a repeating communication issue here and it seems to be happening more often. People seem to be mis-reading what’s being written, or mis-writing what they meant to say.

Written communication can be a dangerous thing. When we speak with each other verbally we have tone to communicate mood or intent; we can tell if someone is being aggressive, argumentative, sarcastic, direct or friendly. In person we also have body language which makes things a lot easier. But here in BFC we only have the written word.

That means that when I write something for you to read you’re left to interpret it without a lot of the cues we rely on to understand the context of the communication. As a result you’ll probably interpret it based on how you’re feeling at the time and as often as not you might misinterpret what’s being said. I believe I have seen this happen on numerous occasions lately. I think we all need to take a bit more care in how we say what we want to say, and how we interpret what’s being said to us. If you’re saying something critical but don’t want to give offense, perhaps it’s best to say that you do not intend any offense. If you’re reading something and immediately feel offended, maybe re-read it and think about whether there are other ways to interpret it.

My rule on here is generally to assume that if there are multiple ways to interpret something I see and one of them makes me unhappy, they probably meant it to sound one of the other ways (also a good philosophy for you to relate to your wives, guys

I promise I’m not always such a sensitive new age type. I just don’t like to see people at each others' throats for no reason.

Cheers
C

 

[Gehazi]

+++++++++1000000000

never have better words been written to live by in internet discourse--- more often than not because we are left without those cues, as you say, it is entirely our perception we base our feeling off of--- therefore I come to forums a bit angry about someone being a jerk at work, or a customer making me take them to court for not paying, all my interactions are colored by that disturbance within: unless I am aware, then I can disarm it and divide it from my internet communication.

but unless we all pay attention to ourselves, we will easily fall into this trap of projecting our emotions onto the words of others; seeing things that are not there, because we have nothing but the words to go on, and the human brain loves to elaborate, so it does.

could not agree more, needed to be pointed out, and needs to be remembered by everyone, me most of all.( this guy currently in trouble for projecting his emotions into discussions and making them unnecessarily combative -- whether or not you are responsible, if you fall into the trap of imagining cues you do not see, you will end up turning discussions into conflicts)

 

[snippy]

I have honestly never been so offended in my life! You guys got some big cojones!

 

[Chris Larrikin]

me most of all

Mate I know I'm guilty of it as well (even though I try). All we can do is try to be mindful of what we might be assuming - or how bad we might be sounding. Often that's easier said than done.

 

[Insipid Moniker]

I screw this up all the time, so I'm in full support.