Completely off topic...

Things to say to co-workers and others who annoy you...

"Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world view."

"I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce."

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

"I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it."

"I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid."

"What am I? Flypaper for freaks?"

"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

"I'll give you a nice shiny quarter if you'll go away."

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."

"I wil always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

"How about never?. Is never good for you?"

"I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me."

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

"I'm out of my mind. Feel free to leave a message."

"I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

"Who me? I just wander from room to room."

"You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication."

And one for Uncle Bill...

"It's a thankless job...But I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."

And another one for Uncle Bill. As a former test flight engineer, you can probably appreciate this. I believe this is a true story, but I haven't been able to confirm it.

"Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jests, and the space shuttle, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurted out of the barel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disaterous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged US scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "Thaw the chicken." "

Tom
 
Thanks for AM chuckle, Tom. I remember the gun and it is certainly real enough and the story would well be a true one.

Now, shall I tell the story of the bear that was used as a test subject in ejection capsule?

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Blessings from the computer shack in Reno.

Uncle Bill
Himalayan Imports Website
Khukuri FAQ
 
QM3SS

QM3SS

Joined
Jun 8, 2000
Messages
100
Hey there Uncle Bill ! First, I am a longtime ghost reader of this forum and have enjoyed all the posts from everyone. Second, Although I already own a few kukhris (from some rather poor makers in my belief), I am fully expecting to purchase one of your exquisite works of art. As soon as I decide which one will be first that is. Finally, in reply to this post I think the stories that you could share from your time in the Aviation business would be great sources of humor for everyone. Being a veteran of the submarine service I too have several stories from first hand accounts and some rather inflated sea stories that were told by some of the older Chiefs. Like the story about the USS George Washington, the submarine with the largest amount of peacetime tonnage sunk to her credit. She tried to surface and found out the hard way that there was a freighter above her. OOPS !


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You want me to give him a fair fight? Hah! If you ain't cheatin' then you ain't tryin'
 
QM, welcome. I am an old tin can sailor and have great admiration for those who served in the "silent service." My cousin lost his life serving aboard the Medrigal (Did I spell that right?)

While testing an ejection capsule some high powered Phds figured out that the spine of a bear more closely resembled that of a human than any animal so a bear was brought into the testing. Let's drop the capsule with the bear in it and see what happens to his spine.

Have you ever tried to get an angry bear into an ejection capsule and strapped in? Well, nobody else had either! One of the great fiascos of the testing racket.

------------------
Blessings from the computer shack in Reno.

Uncle Bill
Himalayan Imports Website
Khukuri FAQ
 
Regretfully I haven't heard of that boat Uncle Bill, but she sounds like one of the older diesel boats. I was in from 93 to 96. Was aboard the USS West Virginia SSBN-736 Gold crew. And since I had been a history buff for many years prior to enlisting I had learned alot about and had grown a large admiration for the Gurkha fighters and their history...and their Kukhris. So my family wasn't all too surprised when I started taking my first kukhri that I had bought at a gun and knife show to sea with me. I wore that beauty on watch and sometimes out on the town when in Georgia (Everyone had some type of blade there so I just fit right in). While we had made a port call in Crete, I had gotten permission to wear it while on my topside sentry watch, and let me tell you that kukhri worked better at keeping unwanted visitors away than the Mossberg 500 shotgun did.

Here's a story I heard from one of my old Chiefs from back in the '60s or so out in the Pacific aboard the USS Sailfish:
They were stuck in Yoko due to a blown main engine, (oops!) and down on their luck and out of money. They would go to the Club Alliance and buy magnums of Cold Duck which they dubbed "NONI-QUACK" (Don't ask me why, I haven't the faintest idea.) They discovered that if you shook up noni-quack before opening, (this was discovered by falling down while carrying a case of the bubbly brew) it would expel the cork with considerable force!! They were armed and dangerous!! Several Sailfish sailors would come to the door whenever a Shore Patrol announcement was made and fire corks at the approaching patrol, then retreat quickly inside. (The SP's had learned the hard way, probably via Ronquils crew, that entering the Starlight in small forces was not a wise move.) Ahh, the sound of "Fire One!!" followed by a deep "POW" and then shoving the bottle in your mouth and pressurizing your brains with cold noni-quack, those were the days.


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You want me to give him a fair fight? Hah! If you ain't cheatin' then you ain't tryin'
 
... the chicken hurtled out of the barel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin ...
Click to expand...
Strong BIRGORKHA chicken!!!

Tom, Pakcik Bill & Qm.
I like your stories ... make me chuckle as well!

NEPAL HO!
 
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