Deep thoughts.

SteelSlaver

SteelSlaver

Joined
Feb 17, 2007
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My wife wrote this to a depressed friend who has medical issues. She doesn't type as wellas she used to and asked me to clean it up because of miss hit keys. I left the spots she hit the cap locks. See why I love her. Jim

Marlene, Marlene, you are dealing with those things, they are not you. I keep remembering the joke that none of us are going to get out of here alive. Cancerous brain tumor side effects are most likely what will happen to me. Marlene, it is just my journey. We all have our journeys. When I first found out I came home ate orange ice cream and got a couple things I wanted from store(a wonderful lush bathrobe and blanket and came home and went to bed to wait to die. I mean, my god, I have a very aggressive fast growing brain tumor, with 4 stages and I am in stage 4. Well, I woke up the next morning and I was still here. Ok, more ice cream please. I started living again. Well, one of my docs wanted to know where I got my attitude. I looked outside and it is fall. The things are absolutely incredibly beautiful. No color of leaf is missed this time of year. One of the things I have always loved is flowers, leaves, sunshine, the sound of the falls rustling leaves. It hit me that yes, they just told me am very ill. But it was still a beautiful day. That did not change what was here right now and I am not going to miss it by being angry because I am going to die. We all are, just of different things. That is how it works. I am excited because I believe that WE ARE JUST PART OF IT, NOT THE REASON FOR IT. I believe that faith is different for everyone. We all have different needs. My family and my hubby never missed a beat and stepped right up for me without a skip in pace. I think you also have that. Let them do that, they need to learn how to be there for the people they care about so they can teach theirss.

The one thing about our body is that the brain has no nerve endings so I don't physically hurt . Was having headaches, but they have taken care of them. I do wish there was something I could do so you wouldn't suffer. So, far, I have not suffered. Life was getting very hard because I had a good job I liked, a home my husband and I have created that is a totally safe haven for me, and not that we are rich by any means, we are comfortable. We both have worked real hard to be able to do this. I am so fortunate that he is able to stay with me as I have done home health care and know of the terrible things that can happen. We live 20 minutes from one of the top cancer hospitals in the country. When They hurried me down there for brain surgery, I had the top 3 or 5 brain doctors in the country, 20 minutes away. I am going to get chemo and radiation. I don't know if they will help or not, but, what I have learned to do is listen to my body. It answers my questions of what to do. I was in surgery for a biopsy. And, the facts are, I could not be more cared for with my issues. Pure luck, I did not move here with the thought of that, but, feel more comfortable with my stuff and animals. I have found friends that I did not appreciate, but, one thing now is I call people and tell them I like things they have done or did when they make me feel good.d when I DO. But now I am getting long and winded.......................

Marlene, I have never been so free in my life. My soul is free. I know between now and when I leave that I will not say something hurting someone, have an accident in the car and hurt someone. Marlene, we are free. The most free I have ever been. The people I think about are being able to see my grandmother, MARVA, GRANDMA, KEENAN, MY STEP SON WHO DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT . MARLENE, i HAVE SEEN THEM THERE WAITING TO HELP US UNDERSTAND. WE THINK WE ARE ALONE. I DON'T BELIEVE IT AT ALL THAT YOU ARE ALONE, EVERYONE IS THERE TO HELP US FEEL WELCOME AND WARM. FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S HEAVEN. THAT IS WHAT I WANT MY HEAVEN TO BE, SO, IT IS. I have seen it. Says the woman with a brain tumor.

TO ME THERE IS NOT A LOT OF REASON TO BE DEPRESSED or angry Wish I could help you understand that it is okay. I have held peoples hands as they died and see the absolute wonder and peace as they are escorted, i WASN'T SINGLED OUT TO SUFFER FOR THE WORLD. AS, I SAID, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US ALL. I AM 57 YEARS OLD and thought about my poor life, and the slap in the face was, I have had a wonderful life in spite of the stupid things I did. I don't know what you might think of Sylvia Brown, but she is on my wave length, or, visa-versa. We come into this plane alone, but, everyone is waiting for us. I have seen them. They will help us and what a party we will have. I wanted to ask Marva what the hell were you thinking. Keenen, you knew Tucker was a careless driver, why? that was his journey. My God, he was an incredibly calm soul. I just want you to know I have seen them and if I get there first I will do everything possible to help you . But, till then, enjoy smells, colors, LIFE Love Margo
 
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Margo, I can't tell you what your words mean to me,,, thank you and thank &od for you ,,,

jm
 
I read your replies and PMs to Margo and they made her happy to have lifted the spirtis of others. Now, if everyone in the world would just boast each other a little too.......
 
VERY powerful words from an obviously very strong woman.

If only more people could/would look at the world through Margo's eyes... A lot of the petty, little, small stuff, would sure be seen for what it is... a waste of precious time. And the stuff so many of us so often take for granted, would be appreciated as it should.

Thank you Margo and Jim. :)
 
Wow, makes me remember to pay big attention to the little things in life! Thanks for sharing your insight!
 
Margo,

I thank you for sharing your wonderful insight, into what it means to be truly alive.


Fred
 
That is very touching. I feel moved. There is a lot of wisdom there that I feel fortunate to have been able to read. Thank you.
 
Thank you all. Margo and I have had some long talks. One thing we have found to be thankful for is learning how much we truly mean to each other. For the time to tell each other and express to each other our love. We now have a view that gives us the wisdom to know how totally unimportant all the things we used to think were problems and wrong with each other. We both would embrace each other and those supposed faults for another 100 years if we had them. When this doctor first said I have some bad news, I though she was going to say Margo had had a stroke and would be impaired forever and I felt a bit bad for myself. A selfish stupid human thought. We have even talked about it. I would take her for another 40 years the way she is now, bad short term memory and lack of ability to organize and follow though and all if I only could. Tell your loved ones now, forgive them and forget their mistakes NOW. You never know when a bell might toll. Bless you all Margo/Jim
 
PS. Margo is 10 days into her 6 weeks of chemo/radiation therapy and doing well, A little tired and all from her battle. She is in good spirits and we enjoyed watching a wonderful Pacific coast sunset from up on a mountain as the sun settled behind the mountains on the other side of Puget sound. The golds and reds as another day ended.
 
So much wisdom running through here. We're doing similar things in this house, just on a longer timeframe. But it's made us accept each other more and be glad for what we have, rather than wish for what we want. I've been sharing this thread with Jeanie too. Thank you.
 
Jim and Margo,

It is a privilege and blessing to know you both, even if from a distance. Thank you for sharing your journey and the special intimacy you share with one another with us.

With deepest heartfelt tenderness, Phil
 
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Thank you all for your understanding and support and for a place where I can take a quick getaway sometimes. Jim
 
You are most assuredly and absolutely, unreservedly and unabashedly, deeply and warmly welcome.
 
Here is a story I sometimes share and now seems like a good time to share it with you good people. In the early 90s when my eldest son was 16, I got him a job on the boat I seined salmon on every simmer in Alaska. We had some great summers. The summer he turned 19 he had a Job back home in Montana, so wasn't going. I was living in Portland Oregon and pulled my camp trailer up to Anacortes WA and stayed in a camper park while I helped get the boat ready in late May and early June. Close to the time we were to leave my skipper came over to my trailer with tears in his eyes and told me my son had be killed in a car wreck. I was devastated and drove to Portland and got my wife. We flew to Missoula and the funeral. I was a broken man, I tell you. My skipper called and asked if I was still going and I thought and said yes. I need to do something. I hoped to heal a bit. When I back to Anacortes it was Sunday and of all days Fathers day. The little fleet of 6 boats had all waited a few days out of honor for me and my son. My trailer had been pulled to another skippers empty land. I went to it to gather my gear. Stuff was scattered all over from being moved. As I went through it getting my stuff, I noticed a colored envelope on the floor in the mess. I picked it up and opened it. Inside was a long ago card that I have absolutely no idea how it could have come to be there at that time. It was a fathers day card from my son from years ago. Added to the cards words was my sons writing. " Have a Happy Fathers Day. I love you Keenen. Some how, some way, he reached out from where ever to let me know it was OK. I know there is something on the other side. Jim
 
Wow......

I'm very sorry about your son being taken so young. Thank you for sharing Jim. That's powerful...
 
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