Elegy for Yankee Stadium

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Yankee Fans, this one's for you.

Elegy for Yankee Stadium


‘Ol Saint Peter was giving a heavenly test
To all new arrivals to see who was best
At naming the one place that MOST represented
Man’s finest achievements since he was invented.

“Of all our dominions,” asked Pete with a wink,
“Which one is the greatest? Just say what you think.”
Most answers were what you’d expect them to be:
The Vatican two votes, the Holy Land three

When a voice from the back yells, “You ain’t even close!
“Yankee Stadium’s really the place with the most!”
“Most WHAT?” asked an angel who scoffed at such things,
And some others just snickered and ruffled their wings.

“Hey, it’s down in NEW YORK – half a light year past Mars.
“It’s a place that some say z’even better than ours.
“It’s got the most heroes, most sluggers, tradition,
“Best players, most pennants this side of Perdition.

“It gave us the Iron Horse and Sultan of Swat,
“Who taught us to hit ‘em where the infielder’s not!
“To turn double plays; get out of an inning –
“Generations there learned the meaning of winning.

“Where power was legend, bats swung with such grace
“Yanks were really the first to launch things into space!
“Reggie, Mickey and Don; DiMaggio’s icy stare
“Well, you haven’t been anywhere ‘till you’ve been there.”

But some sneered: “Oh yeah?!” and “Sez you!” and “You’re wrong!”
And a general grumbling was heard by the throng.
Soon it grew to a hubbub and then a commotion
And sides were soon taken by those with the notion

To stand up and fight or just jeer and hiss
At arguments that sounded something like this:
“Hey, home run sixty-one shouldn’t count as a stat,
‘Cause that ball Maris hit wuz three stitches too fat!”

Or: “Would Joe have been great?” a Sox fan demanded,
“If he’d played for the Cubbies and batted left-handed?”
Then a Twins fan yelled, “Don’t tell ME which place is best!”
And he pounded the spot that had once been his chest.

“And to top it all off I’ll just burst your bubble,
“In case you ain’t heard it’ll soon be just rubble!”
“Yeah? Well check out the New One! It’s built right next door.
“It’ll be just as great as the one built before!”

Now the climate was changing from fair into foul,
And those angelic faces had started to scowl.
Big trouble was brewing, no one could deny.
When you talk Yankee baseball some feathers will fly.

Noisy Bronx Cheers were heard rising over the din,
And the crowd swelled with clench-fisted swift seraphim
Who tried to stop taunts from the Yank brotherhood:
“Hey, it ain’t our fault, guys, that we’re always so good!”

“Yeah, youse guys are all talk. We got nothin’ to fear.
“Your tune’ll be different once autumn gets here.
Then each side dug in, stubborn beyond reason.
It looked like this rhubarb would outlast next season.

Square jaws jutted forward, steam shot out from ears,
And colorful diction raised heavenly fears
That heated exchanges put Heaven on pace
To soon become hotter than that OTHER place!

A solution was needed and gums started flappin”
“If the Skipper finds out, who knows what might happen?”
“We gotta’ do something, step up to the plate,
“To fix this big mess up before it’s too late!”

Lots of desperate ideas faced harsh ridicule,
Of plans more complex than the Infield Fly Rule.
When finally Saint Peter, to no one’s surprise,
Averted disaster with a small compromise.

To restore decorum, climb out of their rut.
Sure there are still quarrels and arguments but,
There are no more quizzes, so tempers aren’t nettled.
As to which place is best? That remains to be settled.

And everyone still sticks by their own illusions.
What of Pete’s simple plan? Well, draw your own conclusions.
Some say that it falls short of heavenly bliss.
And they might be right, but I can tell you this:

If you gaze down towards Earth every Spring so they say,
You can hear angels cheering faintly, far away.
‘Cause they”re all on a field trip removed from the fray,
At the Yankee’s New Stadium on Opening Day.