Friday funnies

fitzo

fitzo

Joined
Aug 14, 2001
Messages
6,648
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis.":)
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur.
Be careful.'":)
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Hope you all have a good weekend. Tell someone you love how special they are to you.... :)
 
fitzo said:
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis.":)
.
.
.
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur.
Be careful.'":)
.
.
.
Hope you all have a good weekend. :thumbup:Tell someone you love how special they are to you:thumbup:.... :)
Click to expand...
We hear what we want to hear, especially, when it comes to bad news.:jerkit: I've been married, 32 years, I never miss a chance to let her know how special she is.:D Fred
 
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be something in the
driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat".


The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


Funeral
 
Retiring In Maine

IG had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Maine as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Dan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says IG, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Dan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says IG. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem" says IG, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."
 
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