Funeral Home Deception for Military Burials

F

fenryr

Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
282
I’m sharing this with you because I know a lot of you are ex-military or active duty and I wouldn’t want any of you guys to get taken advantage of like this. We are planning to confront the funeral home with papers in hand from the VA and rectify this problem or expose them through the local media, BBB and SC director of funeral homes.

December 25, 2004, our father passed away. He was retired military with over 20years and we had pre-planned his funeral a few weeks prior to his death through a local funeral home. At the time, we were instructed by the funeral home that the VA only offered a plastic grave liner (no vaults, concrete or otherwise). We questioned them about this and they said they would check with the National Cemetery we had selected. ONLY a plastic grave liner was used they indicated. We then asked what a plastic grave liner was? According to the funeral home, it was a simply heavy mil-plastic liner to protect the coffin from the elements. So we then opted to purchase a modest vault to offer better protection.

Needless to say, after the ceremony, we contacted the National Cemetery regarding the headstone and during the course of the conversation we found that the Cemetery actually offers both a concrete grave liner and a plastic grave liner. Their stance and the VA’s is that a concrete grave liner (which is sometimes referred to as a vault though it is not water tight) is used for first burials to minimize ground sinkage. If a spouse or dependant is to be buried later atop the first deceased, the plastic grave liner is used for weight purposes.

I hope this doesn't happen to anyone else.

Steve
 
Steve, I am sorry to hear of your loss and this cheap move by the funeral home. Not to offend any mortician khuk collectors here, but in my experience some of these guys are like vultures, or worse. They would sell you saran wrap for $10,000 and brag that it "protects eternally against the elements and ravages of nature" if they could get away with it, and during times of grief when you have just lost a loved one you are especially vulnerable of course.

Best of luck and my condolences to you and your family.

Regards,

Norm
 
Thanks Norm,

Dad being the "butt" kicker he was in the service wouldn't take this lying down (no pun intended).....we plan to make things right one way or the other for him

Steve
 
fenryr said:
Thanks Norm,

Dad being the "butt" kicker he was in the service wouldn't take this lying down (no pun intended).....we plan to make things right one way or the other for him

Steve
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Way to go!!!! Hang the sonsabitch high! It's one thing when they take advantage over grieving folk but too take advantage over people grieving a Vet and family member is just over the top!:mad:
 
I opened this thread expecting a link to a story, not realizing it was going to be affecting forum family. Sad news, very sorry to hear.

I'm with Yvsa and the rest.
 
fenryr,

Condolences on your loss.

I am an active duty Marine attached to a reserve unit in Ft. Worth.

Unfortunately the problem is widespread in regards to funeral homes. I am currently the CACO (Casualties Assistance Calls Officer) for a Marine KIA in Al Anbar Iraq. The family is not wealthy and went to a funeral home and they tried to guilt the family into another 20-30K in expenses.

As a serving Officer there are limits to what I can do to help the family in terms of support, i.e. I cannot initiate contact with a civilian lawyer to help them out, cannot contact funeral homes, medical support for non-DOD help, initiate contact with elected officials to get some help.

The support I, and more importantly the family, is receiving from the Metro-Plex Marines and Marine Corps League is making the difference for this family. These folks contacted me and asked what the problem areas are and gave suggestions. As a result we were given a name of a funeral home that takes all that gov’t will give but none from the family. A retired Marine Col. is a prominent lawyer and will help, or get a lawyer in the required specialty to help.

The real answer is contact your local or state support organization, they have done this before and can help in all phases of this difficult time.

S/F, Mike
 
I'm sorry for your loss, and thank you for your family's service - both in the military and in keeping others from being preyed on.

Not to be morbid, but this highlights an advantage of planning a funeral in advance. There is less time pressure and less emotion, so you can keep your eyes open for trouble. It also might help limit family disputes, particulary if parts of the family are estranged or distant, if someone communicates their wishes clearly.

It also highlights a shift in the mortuary area - from funeral home to funeral industry. Whereas the funeral home was once a local establishment, run by people rooted in the community, it has increasingly become run by national firms. Perhaps this has lowered cost and raised quality, by putting more resources at a particular funeral director's fingertips. Perhaps it has just given weight to stockholders and the bottom line, rather than providing quality service. :barf:
 
My son wants me to be buried at Santa Fe National Cementary. I told him NO.
I prepaid my cremation and have instructions to be scattered to the 4 winds.

I have visited too many relative grave sites. People ashamed or upset that they haven't visited on special occasions, cemetarys long gone unkempt, etc.

I personally feel, treasure the memories, but when I am gone, don't grieve and feel compelled to visit the grave site. My spirit is long gone to another place.

Treasure and respect our memories , of which I do for many I have lost and of those others have lost.

Steve, Treasure your Dads memory and what he stood for.
 
FOG II, May I suggest that the family you helped contact the local news and let the public know that they were treated well by that second funeral home? Leading by example should be encouraged and when someone shows our boys the respect they earned it would be good to hold them up before the public (and the industry) and say "This is how to treat our fallen!"

Those other bums can learn to do better once they see the result.

v/r
Stephen Hamilton
 
I'm sorry to hear of your loss fenryr, and that there are such shameless scam artists out there. :mad: There are very few things I can think of that go much lower than that. Best of luck in bringing the bastards to their knees.
 
Fenryr,

I sure sympathize with your pain and hope that you can make the funeral home make this right.

Here in Georgia we have just finished a painfilled trial of a guy I wish had drawn more jail time. It is also unfortunate that we have the same last name. I have been kidded by a few friends about this.

The good thing is that he is black and I am white. I mean no disrespect to the blacks, just that it makes it unlikely that we are closely related!

I know that the realtives of the deceased he treated so badly would like to see Brent buried face down in his own back yard! They would help I am sure. I would.

I absolutely hate people who take advantage of grief-stricken people, also anyone who hurts children or the elderly. The children are our future and the elderly paid the price to give us the good life we have now.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/31/crematory.case.ap/

"[Brent] Marsh has pleaded guilty to 787 counts, including theft, abuse of a corpse, burial service fraud and making false statements."
 
Stephen,

Involving the media is a bad idea. The media has tried to get involved in each case in the area that I am aware. Unfortunately it is for their own agenda.

The media keeps badgering the family for interviews using the general tactic of sympathizing various family members. A common tactic is for the media person to “stretch the truth” about their own connection.

The surviving family members are not trained to deal with the media. When the media distorts, takes comments out of context, cuts and pastes, etc. the result is very hurt family members.

This hurt further divides the family and friends. The worse case is a widow and her in-laws. The hurt was so great that the in-laws would not pick up the widow at the airport and the widow had to stay in a hotel.

I appreciate the concern and thoughts. It is hard to get the word out without the media, to be charitable about their motives, “accidentally” distorting everything.

It is along the lines of those who want media coverage of the return of the bodies. I have flown Angle flights (Marine and attached personnel) out of Iraq to the point where they are flown back to Dover. The ceremonies under the conditions in combat are very poignant and personnel. Publicizing what happens will distort it and degrade it as it gets thrown into the political and media frenzy.

S/F, Mike
 
Thanks to everyone for their well wishes.

I've spoken with a director at the VA for the National Cemetery Admistration. They have sent over hard copies of the policies involved. Furthermore, 3-5 funeral homes contacted here in Columbia had the right information. Of the two that failed; one was of the same chain we dealt with at a different location and the other was an already questionable funeral home we had run surveillance on in the past.

Fog II you have a tough job but much appreciated by the family's.....sometimes it has got to get to you. But thanks for what you do. I agree with the media angle for the families you deal with. They, the media, would be somewhat slanted. A local network here might step in if the funeral home fails to communicate with us or fails to respond in general. At that point we're looking at doing some major PR damage if possible.

Now that we've got "official" gov't material in hand, round one should commence fairly soon.......one short rope and a tall tree on standby Yvsa :)

On a funny side note.....dad had been in charge of the honor guard for a time so you know family is really military when your Mom (1st LT USAF nursing), critiques the honor guard on their sharpness!!

Steve
 
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