Jonny, I don't think you need to try to hard in the rudeness area. Seems to be coming pretty naturally for you. You have real talent, man!!
Doc, I suspect you may be falling prey to small differences in dimensions that translate into very noticeable differences in hand and pocket.
The Gerber Dime is 2.5" closed and weighs less than 3oz. Products of this type are sometimes called "key ring" tools because some people like to keep them on their key ring where they can thump, thump, thump against the steering column. Personally, I prefer to carry mine in m pocket where I have easier access to it. But regardless, the Leatherman products that compete directly with the Dime are the Micra and the Squirt.
The Juice S2 is 3.25" closed and getting close to 5oz in weight. This might not seem like much, but it is really a definite step up both in length and weight. Size wise, it's really closer to a full sized SAK or other hefty pocket knife. This is smaller than a full sized mult-tool, but still pretty sizable.
I think which you'll prefer will depend on what you want from a tool.
For key ring carry, I think the best answer is the Victorinox Classic (which, truth be told, I loathe) or the sadly discontinued Leatherman Style. IMO, key ring carry is sort of pointless if you plan on using your tool more than once a week. Who wants to cut anything with a big mess of keys flopping around. Best solution here, is don't get any of them and put a tool in your pocket.
For light pocket carry and as a compliment to a regular "real" knife carry, I think the "key ring" type tools are great. Pick the Dime, Micra or Squirt depending on your taste. I have both the Squirt and the Micra and carry the Micra for EDC use and the Squirt for light backpacking for the pliers. Note, I have a full sized Leatherman in my day pack, so I don't *NEED* to have pliers in my pocket. Note 2, I use the super strong and tough and clean cutting scissors on the Micra all the time. No question, I think the Micra is the king of this pack.
For heavy, you're-going-to-notice-it pocket carry, the choice is between the Leatherman Juice line and the Victorinox SAK line. I like neither. For me, they fall in the in between zone. Not really big enough to push. Not small enough to go unnoticed. Still, if you absolutely need to have pliers with you and you can live with small blade, I would go with the Juice S2 for this type of carry.
For belt or pack carry, might as well just go straight to a full sized mult-tool. They're just so much nicer in the hand.
Hope this helps.