Going through life alone (with out wife and kids).

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guitarted

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Hi folks,
My question is, is it possible to be happy going through life with out a wife and kids? Do you know people who did it and were happy alone? In my culture, everyone is supposed to be married and have kids and its not normal to get old alone.

I am asking because this because in my 20s I had no problem getting girls. I was always in some sort of relationship. Now that I am in my late 30s I find it harder to find a girl that I like and enjoy spending time with. I have had some bad experiences with some relationships and sort of grown bitter. I am not as cheerful as I used to be when I was younger (did life break my spirit)? i don't know. I am hopeful that some times but other times I think to myself(you know, maybe this is as good as it gets) and maybe I am not meant to be with somebody.

I want to know your take on being alone and living alone. Is it failure of character? I never imagined when i was younger that I will grow old with out a wife and kids.

the microphone is over to you.
 
I have days that I would pay big money to not have a wife and child. Several of my friends have never been married and have no kids, they seem to happy and very successful. Some cultures see that as a liability and strike against you.
 
guitarted said:
Hi folks,
My question is, is it possible to be happy going through life with out a wife and kids? Do you know people who did it and were happy alone? In my culture, everyone is supposed to be married and have kids and its not normal to get old alone.

I am asking because this because in my 20s I had no problem getting girls. I was always in some sort of relationship. Now that I am in my late 30s I find it harder to find a girl that I like and enjoy spending time with. I have had some bad experiences with some relationships and sort of grown bitter. I am not as cheerful as I used to be when I was younger (did life break my spirit)? i don't know. I am hopeful that some times but other times I think to myself(you know, maybe this is as good as it gets) and maybe I am not meant to be with somebody.

I want to know your take on being alone and living alone. Is it failure of character? I never imagined when i was younger that I will grow old with out a wife and kids.

the microphone is over to you.
Click to expand...


Truly sorry you have had some bad relationships, hard for me to understand the feelings, I have been happily married now for 43 years and really do not know what I would do without my wife. Just now, I am sitting in my recliner being waited on hand and foot because I just had a broken ankle requiring surgery 8 screws and a plate (beep beep at the airports from now on) I don't know how I would have made it without her help. As for the grandkids, We should have had them first. Life is a joy with them around. I can only wish you can find the right girl, you really might need her someday. Don't despair about being 30 or so, so was my son when he found mrs right. We love her just like a daughter and she loves us. Happeness is not always found, but if you don't look, you might not find it at all. The Bible says "Seek and you will find" May God be with you and may His grace bring the one you need into your life. Do Not grow old alone, toys are fun for a season, but when you need help such in case of bad health, two working together make it much easier. Just my .02 worth.:D :D
 
You'll probably meet somebody when you least expect it. Rather be single, yearning for a wife and kids, than the other way around :)
 
Take a time out and live alone for awhile. I am sure that you will find someone, life is full of turns and it is unlikely that you will be alone for all your life. There are many people who live alone, probably alot more than you realize. Many of these people lead happy lives. Be patient that special someone will come along.
 
I've been happily married for a very long time, just like James Todd. It hasn't been easy, it hasn't been perfect, but I wouldn't change it.

That said, there's no reason to assume you must be married to be happy. I've had both male and female friends who never got married, but had good and full lives. Clearly, no character flaw was involved -- these were and are fine people. They just didn't need to marry to be fulfilled. And neither do you.

As others have mentioned, lightning could still strike at any time. If the thought appeals to you, stay open to it. But don't beat yourself up because you're single. There's nothing wrong with it.

My best friend, another former US military Colonel, got married 3 years ago. And believe me, he's no 'spring chicken!'
 
There is a big difference between being "lonely" and being "alone". The question is, can you be alone and not be lonely. Some people can, some can't. Hang in there! Late 30's ain't old by any means! Like Bufford said, try being alone for a while and see how that works for you. (it used to work really well for me!) -Matt-
 
I'm very happy being single and 40, esp. when I see all the stuff my friends have to put up with with their significant others. I can take a 3 week vacation at the spur of the moment, I can buy 10 knives a month if I want.(I'm actually over that # this month)
 
pit man said:
Without a wife and kids.....maybe....without a dog....no chance !!!:D
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Three old men were out fishing, started arguing about when life begins,
First old guy says: Life begins at conception
Second old guy says: Life begins at birth.
Third says: You guys are all wrong, life begins when the kids are gone and the dog is dead.:D :D
 
tedwca said:
I'm very happy being single and 40, esp. when I see all the stuff my friends have to put up with with their significant others. I can take a 3 week vacation at the spur of the moment, I can buy 10 knives a month if I want.(I'm actually over that # this month)
Click to expand...

For me, I am happy sharing life with people who are close to me--not just my wife, but my kids too. I enjoyed immensly teaching my 5-year-old to ride abike without training wheels a few weeks ago. The excitement on his face was priceless. Coming home to waiting arms, dinner, sharing vacations with that special someone--these things and a lot more make it worth it for me even if it is not all roses (nothing ever is).

BTW, there is no universally right or wrong answer here. The answer that is right for you depends on...you!;)
 
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.​


--Mark Twain
 
I got married at 19, divorce was final at 22. I just turned 55 last week. For me, being single and living alone (without humans) is the best thing. As pit man said, no way without dogs. I've had dogs for the past 19 years. They bring me comfort, joy, companionship but can also be a pain in the uh...you know.

I rarely get lonely. I thrive on my alone time. I work with people 8-9+ hours a day, 5 days a week. Coming home to a peaceful home with creatures who are unconditionally delighted to see me makes me smile every single time I drive up to the house and see the little guys racing around the yard to meet me at the gate.

Will I ever remarry? Doubtful. I have no desire to change my lifestyle nor compromise it. Should I meet the REAL Mr. Right or Mr. Right For Now, I would reconsider my options.

I am comfortable with my decision to remain single. It is a conscious choice that I made. I also decided in my 20's that I did not want children so I made sure that it would not happen. I have plenty of women friends who are married and they tell me that if something ever happened to their spouse, they would never remarry. Not worth the hassle.

But I also know people who are extremely happily married and have been so for years and years and decades++. My paternal grandparents were married for 67 years before my grandfather died at 94.

It's all about what is right for YOU. Nobody can make that decision for you. If you let society dictate marriage or no marriage, then you have to live with what you the results are.

I have dustbunnies on the kitchen floor. The dogs could care less. I look at them and I start naming them. Nobody else lives here who is gonna give me a bad time about my new pets. They'll live here in the kitchen until I'm good and ready to relocate them outside.

My house, my rules, my dustbunnies.:D
 
Totally Judy said:
I got married at 19, divorce was final at 22. I just turned 55 last week. For me, being single and living alone (without humans) is the best thing. As pit man said, no way without dogs. I've had dogs for the past 19 years. They bring me comfort, joy, companionship but can also be a pain in the uh...you know.

My house, my rules, my dustbunnies.:D
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Wow! This might worry you but we're awefully similar.:D

I was engaged when I was 20 and used to live with my fiance, but that didn't work out. Since then, as some time has gone by (I'm almost 29), I want marriage less and less. Almost not at all. If the right one were to come my way, who knows, but that's a big if and I'm not necessarily looking.

My dogs are my life, that's clear, and anyone that knows me even for a second knows how important my dogs are.

My privacy and solitude from humans is extremely important to me.
I don't like society, and society doesn't like me. It's been my experience that as long as we keep our interaction to an absolute minimum everything is pretty OK. That's society as a whole, I still have friends I hold dear. I don't consider them "society" ofcourse.

No one comes to my house no matter what, except my parents, that's just the way I want it.

I'm certainly not lonely though, I know and interact with enough people and I never have been lonely. I used to be the most popular guy in high school (yeah I was THAT guy):).
But I wasn't very happy. Now I'm happy being left alone in much more peace than in the past, and life's pretty good.

I still have friends, probably closer ones than in the past, but now my phone doesn't ring with people calling me every 2 seconds to come out and party:barf: all night at the club or do stupid things with stupid people in stupid ways.
 
I was a confirmed bachelor. I was happy. I couldn't believe it myself, but I got married at age 41. We just had our 21st. anniversary. Life is just full of little surprises. ps. I'm still happy. However, I can only think of One of my friends who Hasn't been divorced.
 
Congratulations and welcome aboard.
Life is what you make it.
I have been married for 17 years and have 4 children.
I tell my kids, life can be up and down and you can take alot for granted, sometimes you need the wheels to fall off so that you can appreciate the good times.
How you look at things is in the eye of the beholder, it what YOU make it.
If you need any proof look at the ads on TV for charity or documentries showing African kids with nothing, dragging themselves up on their own, they are still smiling, they think they are doing ok walking 10 miles each way for clean water.
 
A wise man once said, "Sometimes it is better to want something you don't have, than to have something you don't want." My advice is to stay single unless/until you meet the woman you can't imagine life without.
Don't jump into marriage for the sake of an idealized concept. Do it only for the sake of a specific woman.

Don't fall into that "greener grass" syndrome.

I have been married 35 years, very happily, to that specific woman, but there have been times that I have wished I was unattached. One key to any long-lived marriage is to survive those times without doing something rash. The same applies to a single person, don't out of desperation do something rash you will live to regret.
 
I've been married twice...and unfortunately, divorced my second wife this past year. I didn't intend on being alone like this, but what can you do when a spouse isn't faithful to their vows? I decided to move on by filing for divorce, which I wonder now if it was the best choice.

I lived for my wife and kids, and now live alone out here on the open road...I'm a truck driver. Of course, I still have my kids in my life but not how it used to be, with me coming home at the end of the day to their smiles, hugs and stories of how their day went. I've talked to them consistently to let them know that I'm still their Dad, no matter where I'm at or where I go. Nothing will ever change that.

I only hope and pray that one day I can find someone that I can trust with my heart again. Until then, I suppose that I am a little bitter because of past relationships...especially my last marriage of ten years. I have learned, though, that God does not close one door without opening another.

When the time is right, someone will come into your life. I strongly believe in this....just wish I knew when that time will come.
 
guitarted said:
I am not as cheerful as I used to be when I was younger (did life break my spirit)?.
Click to expand...

Geez louise bud...you think it's bad at 30...wait until you see how it is when you get to be 50. :grumpy:

Hang in there brother! Get to know yourself better. Love yourself. Enjoy your life! If he right gal comes along it will be worth the wait...but picking the wrong gal will land you in emotion Hell.

:thumbup:
 
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