Happy Birthday Jake and Heber!!!!!!!!
You are fraternal twins, separated at birth by the trustees of the vast fortune to keep all of the money-grubbing femme fatales from over-wheming you with licentious delights and robbing you of your senses with endorphin over-load.
As part of this strategy, I have offered myself to be the target of their corrupt plans, and have given my address and phone number to as many licentious wimmens as I could find in my life-time.
I must have transposed some numbers, cuz I'm still waiting.
Not to worry, no sacrifice is too great.
I will sacrifice a frozen pizza in your honor tonight !!!
Be well and safe.