Having Woman Trouble

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preachtokill1032

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Hey everyone, I normally don't ask for advice in the lady dept because I'm pretty smooth when it comes to loving the ladies (hence my handle) but something has come up that I'm just completely clueless about. A rather unique situation, at least in my case. Maybe I can get some opinions from you all.




A little over two years ago, I was dating this young lady that I'd met at work. Over time we were really into each other and going steady. About 8 months into out relationship, she suddenly got cold on me. She didn't return my calls or E-Mails, and when I did talk to her, she seemed withdrawn or upset about something. Then one day I paid her a visit because I was in her area and I hadn't seen her in like two weeks.




I was talking to her and things weren't the same as when we were usually together. She didn't even bother looking my way, I tried holding her but she wouldn't let me. Then finally I just gave up and asked her what was wrong with her. Then that's when she hit me with the B-Bomb. She said that she had a BOYFRIEND in Iraq, and that his unit was attacked (sadly though, but he wasn't a casualty) and that the fact she almost lost him made her feel guilty for starting things with me. I swear to you guys, I respect women like I would respect my own mother, but in that instance I proceeded to cuss her out and call her every nasty word you aren't supposed to call women in the book. Then I stormed out and never looked back.




Things were so genuine and so nice between us, and I have to be honest and say she was that one special girl that set the standards. Any and every woman I've dated since just didn't measure up. Then low and behold a few weeks ago, her and I ran into each other. She demanded that I hear her out and she had said that she didn't mean to hurt me, and that she was lonely and that things between her and her real boyfriend were fizzling anyways, and that he cared more about shooting at people in a far away land than being with her, and how like me, she'd dated several times since I left her (her boyfriend left her when she told him about us when he came back home) and like me, all those relationships ended in scandal or disaster. She said that she really did have feelings for me and that she really did like me (though to be honest I just don't know if she really meant that, I mean hello, if I was so special, then what was army boy, chopped liver ?)



Now as of late, we talk and get along just fine, we've even hung out a few times, but well, I could be wrong, but she acts like she wants to start all over again, but I just don't know. I mean, as heavenly as things were between us when we were a couple, it messes with my head knowing I was her on the side action, her second option. I mean I'm no expert but why on earth would a chick cheat on a hot shot army boy with well, me ? That's like having reservations at Red Lobster then deciding you would rather settle for Taco Bell. I mean don't get me wrong, I LOOOOOVE the ladies, but I'm smart enough to know that unlike a man in a uniform, I actually have to put in a little effort to woo the women being as that I'm just the average joe.




This is a unique situation for me, so I ask you all, what do you all think I should do ?




Andrew
 
Why would you even consider going out with someone who's "cheating" on their boyfriend/husband/ significant other? You think you would be immune to this? You think if things got dicey between you two that she wouldn't do the same to you? She's using you man! Think with your brain not other parts of your anatomy and emotions. Your a convenience item to be tossed away when the other poor bastid comes back. I wouldn't even hang out with her, cut all ties and get into something healthy. Go find yourself an honest woman and have a relationship based on honesty with someone you can trust. Move on I say, move on.
 
Stay away from her and find a woman who has more class. You deserve better and so does the guy in Iraq. :mad: :rolleyes:
 
My personal thoughts, hang loose for right now. If you're having fun hanging with her, then do that, but don't get sucked back in just yet. If she pushes you for comittal, then let her know that you are still a feeling a little burned about the whole original deal. If she truly cares for you, she'll understand, be patient, and work hard to win back your trust

I've heard that "once a cheater, always a cheater". I'm not sure that is true, but beware. She may have felt jilted that her army boyfriend chose or was more into his duty in Iraq than her, and used that as an excuse to play with you. Might she do the same thing to you if you go away for a few days, weeks, etc?

Do what feels right.

Good luck.

Glenn
 
I'd say give her a second chance. It's not often that you find someone with whom you can connect so easily, and comfortably. Nobody is perfect, and this was a major issue, but if she really did find her way back to you, you must be worth it. I say that with the way you have felt about her, after losing her, you might have just found "THE ONE" and you need to spend some time discovering if it's true. Otherwise, you may just end up having those what-if thoughts for the rest of your life.

I say take the risk, as it could lead to something beautiful. I mean, she dumped the Army boy, not the other way around, and she did come back to you. It takes more guts than you can imagine for a woman to admit to wrong, so she really does value you. Just make a point of establishing honesty as a new ground rule, first and foremost. I personally think you need to apologize for "cussing her out," as well, as this would go a long way in showing how much she means to you. Yes, she was wrong, but sometimes we are the ones who have to bend a little.

Good luck,
D2 armchair psychologist, and counselor
 
Anyone who would cheat on their boyfriend while he was over in a foreign country risking his life does not deserve respect, IMHO. If things were fizzling, she should have ended it. Instead, she was getting her rocks off with the next best thing while some poor bastard probably pined away about the girl back home who missed and loved him. If she doesnt respect a situation like that enough to end the relationship properly, im doubting she will respect any other situation enough to make the right decision, either.

Maybe i am wrong and she is perfect, but I personally wouldn't bother. I'm not you, though....
 
Based on a similar situation years ago, I have a different opinion than most have posted so far.

First off, if a nice attractive girl wants to spend time with me (hey, it happened once, then it can happen to anyone), I don't care if she has a boyfriend. Competition isn't all bad. And if boyfriend is overseas, you've definitely got the advantage.

I say give her a second chance. She was lonely, hit it off well with you, and felt remorse about the whole episode. From your brief story, she seems like a nice, sensitive person. It's also difficult to say just how attached she was to her "boyfriend". Casually dating? Engaged? Living together? Ever hear of "No rings, No strings?"

Something to keep in mind - if you go to Iraq, don't expect to find her when you return. Honestly, that's the truth about anyone. I could go on about unreasonable expectations and all that stuff...

And as your relationship progresses beyond casual dating, you will need to have a discussion regarding what's going to happen when old boyfriend returns.

Best Luck,
Bob
 
TikTock said:
Anyone who would cheat on their boyfriend while he was over in a foreign country risking his life does not deserve respect, IMHO. If things were fizzling, she should have ended it. Instead, she was getting her rocks off with the next best thing while some poor bastard probably pined away about the girl back home who missed and loved him. If she doesnt respect a situation like that enough to end the relationship properly, im doubting she will respect any other situation enough to make the right decision, either.

Maybe i am wrong and she is perfect, but I personally wouldn't bother. I'm not you, though....
Click to expand...



During the Korean war I got a 'Dear John " at a very bad time . Years later ,after I had married,she came sucking around. Wanted me to leave my family for her. I told her she blew it & NO WAY would I even think about it .
Tears,pleading & cat rubbing ,clinging,the whole bit.
I stood firm in my resolve . Sadly,I watched her go to the dogs.


Uncle Alan
 
"Sadly though, he wasn't a casualty"
I think you need to explain this. Unless I'm reading this wrong, I find this to be way out of line. :thumbdn:
 
Smooth Operator said:
She said that she had a BOYFRIEND in Iraq, and that his unit was attacked (sadly though, he wasn't a casualty) and that the fact she almost lost him made her feel guilty for starting things with me.
Click to expand...

Looks like both you and this chick are major a-holes.
 
m1marty said:
"Sadly though, he wasn't a casualty"
I think you need to explain this. Unless I'm reading this wrong, I find this to be way out of line. :thumbdn:
Click to expand...

I was wondering the same thing Marty. For whatever reason, I just chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he was saying that it was sad that his unit was attacked and as an aside telling us that he wasn't a casualty. Honestly, when you posted it again, I realized that I was doing backflips to garner that interpretation.
 
By the way Operator, please don't make any excuses like it was just a flippant remark - it doesn't matter, I don't care, I don't wanna hear it.
 
I realize how snide and insulting that comment was, and if you all thought I implied that I thought it was sad that he wasn't killed, I actually DID mean what JsMatos thought I meant. I should have put the word "but" before though and he. I was explaining that his unit was attacked, but that he wasn't a casualty, sorry about that guys. Quiet Storm and M1Marty, while I would be lying if I said I harbor no ill will towards the guy, I would never want him to die, let alone in a battlefield far far from home while he was probably thinking of no one but his family and his girlfriend. I mean he never found out who I was, and I don't know who he is, and he never really did anything to make me mad, I mean it wasn't his fault that his girlfriend liked me.




Well sorry for making that sound the way it sounded, and I hope this clears things up. While I did resent the guy being as that he stood in the way of who I thought was my dream woman, I mean him absolutely no harm, as I'm a lover, not a fighter :) . Now excuse me while I retype the sentence so that we no longer have similiar misunderstandings.


My sincerest apologies,
Andrew
 
Whatever Not-So-Smooth Operator. Your whole post smacks of dislike of the Military to me.
If yall look real close, Smooth is second from the left. Mmmmm, love me some crawfish.
CB_after.jpg
 
Comma placement can be very important, lol. If you read the remark in paranthesis as "Sadly, though he wasn't a casuality" it drastically changes the meaning to "Its sad the unit was attacked. The boyfriend was not a casualty." Lets give him the benefit of the doubt that this is what he meant.
 
My first question to you Smooth , would be how old is she ? and you as well.
Are you looking for something serious and long lasting ? Or is it just um... trying to word it nicely , is it just for "fun n smoochin".
Age has a big part to do with this IMO , as well as the maturity at that age.
I learned a FAT lesson a couple years back by being the "pillow" for a girl who was going thru hard times with her spouse , well I fell , she pretended to and when things got okay again with said spouse I was given Das Boot.
Rule number one , always watch out for your heart first. Trust me , she or no other woman (save dear Mom) is going to care about your feelings when it comes time to move on.

If nothing else , have a good time without getting attatched and I dont just mean sexually. If you enjoy her company and cute smile etc etc whatever , then enjoy it ! but just keep an eye on your heart man.

Remember the Cash song "I walk the line" good luck.

:)
 
Andrew just sent me an email, apologizing profusely for the misunderstanding. I have to say that after reading it and Murnax's reply I believe him.
 
I recieved an email from SO explaining the wording in his post. I firmly believe that it was an honest mistake. I think it's time to lay off and let this thread die out on it's own. I will not move this thread nor will I lock. You are all adults (or so I assume). Act like it.

And please remember that this is the Community Forum. I will not tolerate any sort of bashing in here. Save that crap for W&C. This is your first and only warning. :mad:
 
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