Headlines in the year 2043

Quiet Storm

Quiet Storm

Joined
May 17, 2002
Messages
5,757
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally....Scientists stumped.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters,
and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2046.

IRS sets lowest tax rate in 10 years to 75%.
 
Quiet Storm said:
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Click to expand...

Next day's headline: Purple Diet Craze sweeps nation. Oprah looses 45 pounds on amazing new Purple Diet. You can eat anyting you want as long as it's purple. Stores are immediately overwhelmed with customers wanting only purple foods. Eggplant sales soar. New chain store offers only purple foods. Restaraunts offering special purple menus. Purple Coke a huge hit.
 
Commercials projected into your dreams said to be safe.

Starbucks and Wal-Mart to open "Lunar Mall".

In a daring break from "reality shows" Fox airs "scripted television".

Language chip raises literacy to 100%, Earth Civil Liberties Union files suit claiming "chipping children should be up to the parents".

LAPD unveils "power armor" to help officers patrol "the sprawl".

Miss World winner accused of being a Class III clone, may lose crown.
 
Gollnick said:
Next day's headline: Purple Diet Craze sweeps nation.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of a scene from Woody Allen's "Sleeper."

(Woody Allen's character is a health food nut that dies during an operation, is frozen, and illegally thawed out 200 years later.)

Dr. Melik: [puzzling over list of items sold at Miles' old health-food store] ... wheat germ, organic honey and... tiger's milk.

Dr. Aragon: Oh, yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life-preserving properties.

Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies or... hot fudge?

Dr. Aragon: [chuckling] Those were thought to be unhealthy... precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.

Dr. Melik: Incredible!
 
Bladeforums.com celebrates 45th anniversary. Spark declares massive knife giveaway from 1SKS for all members.
 
Gollnick said:
Next day's headline: Purple Diet Craze sweeps nation. Oprah looses 45 pounds on amazing new Purple Diet. You can eat anyting you want as long as it's purple. Stores are immediately overwhelmed with customers wanting only purple foods. Eggplant sales soar. New chain store offers only purple foods. Restaraunts offering special purple menus. Purple Coke a huge hit.
Click to expand...

Clever, Chuck.
 
LATEST STUDY OF THE EFFECT OF DIET AND EXERCISE ON HEART DISEASE SHOWS A TINY BIT [MORE | LESS] EFFECT THAN THE LAST STUDY -- SO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE LIFESTYLE!!!

(Run follow-up story every few weeks alternating [MORE | LESS])
 
Dark Ops Knives announces new revolutionary design
New DOK product only slightly reminiscent of Extrema Ratio's Col Moschin

Bladeforums.com welcomes 1,000,000th registered user
Ken Collucci: "...and I had to move just as many threads to G&G in the past 40 years"

ToyotaHondaNissanCorp plans to re-introduce bargain basement line of "BMW" and "Ford" brand name cars
High demand in Third World countries all over North America and Europe
 
Quiet Storm said:
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally....Scientists stumped.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2044.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters,
and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2046.

IRS sets lowest tax rate in 10 years to 75%.
Click to expand...

Play this in the background
http://www.krunk.org/~joeshaw/conan/sounds/2000.wav
 
[Pick state of choice] school board mandates teaching of alternative theories to evolution in biology classes.

Rockets fired from Gaza city into Israeli territory.

Massachusetts senator Edward Kennedy sues LongLife Corporation:
Claims that extended life gene/drug therapy inhibited his ability to chase secretaries and waitresses.

Rolling Stones begin 20-city US tour with concert in Boston. Jagger and Richards give "best performance ever" according to fans.
 
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