- Joined
- Nov 27, 2001
- Messages
- 1,780
UK SIGNS
--------
In a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In another office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Quicksand warning:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
In a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
On a church door:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
FOREIGN SIGNS
-------------
FROM A SIGN IN A HOSTEL IN FINLAND:
If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.
FROM A BROCHURE OF A CAR RENTAL FIRM IN TOKYO:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
IN A TOKYO HOTEL:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notis.
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL ROOM:
Please to Bathe inside the tub.
IN A BUCHAREST HOTEL LOBBY:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
IN A LEIPZIG ELEVATOR:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
IN A BELGRADE HOTEL ELEVATOR:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
IN A PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 A.M. and 11 A.M. daily.
IN A YUGOSLOVIAN HOTEL:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the house of repose in the boots of ascension.
ON THE MENU OF A SWISS RESTAURANT:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
ON THE MENU OF A POLISH HOTEL:
Salad a firm's own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
IN A HONG KONG SUPERMARKET:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
OUTSIDE A HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANERS:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
OUTSIDE A PARIS DRESS SHOP:
Dresses for street walking.
IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
FROM THE SOVIET WEEKLY:
There will be a Moscow Exibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
IN AN EAST AFRICAN NEWSPAPER:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
IN A VIENNA HOTEL:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm ther hotel porter.
A SIGN POSTED IN GERMANY'S BLACK FOREST:
It is strictly forbidden in our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
IN A ZURICH HOTEL:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
IN AN ADVERTISEMENT BY A HONG KONG DENTIST:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
IN A ROME LAUNDRY:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the rest of the afternoon having a good time.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
ADVERTISEMENT FOR DONKEY RIDES IN THAILAND:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
IN THE WINDOW OF A SWEDISH FURRIER:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
ON THE BOX OF A TOY MADE IN HONG KONG:
Guranteed to work throughout it's useful life.
DETOUR SIGN IN KYUSHI, JAPAN:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
IN A SWISS MOUNTAIN INN:
Special today: no ice cream.
IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
IN A TOKYO BAR:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
IN A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
ON THE DOOR OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ROOM:
If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to it.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN AN ACUPULCO HOTEL:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
FROM A JAPANESE INFORMATION BOOKLET ABOUT USING A HOTEL AIR CONDITIONER:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
OTHER
-----
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
And now, the Superstoreunequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
--------
In a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In another office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Quicksand warning:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
In a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
On a church door:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
FOREIGN SIGNS
-------------
FROM A SIGN IN A HOSTEL IN FINLAND:
If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.
FROM A BROCHURE OF A CAR RENTAL FIRM IN TOKYO:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
IN A TOKYO HOTEL:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notis.
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL ROOM:
Please to Bathe inside the tub.
IN A BUCHAREST HOTEL LOBBY:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
IN A LEIPZIG ELEVATOR:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
IN A BELGRADE HOTEL ELEVATOR:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
IN A PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 A.M. and 11 A.M. daily.
IN A YUGOSLOVIAN HOTEL:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the house of repose in the boots of ascension.
ON THE MENU OF A SWISS RESTAURANT:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
ON THE MENU OF A POLISH HOTEL:
Salad a firm's own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
IN A HONG KONG SUPERMARKET:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
OUTSIDE A HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANERS:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
OUTSIDE A PARIS DRESS SHOP:
Dresses for street walking.
IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
FROM THE SOVIET WEEKLY:
There will be a Moscow Exibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
IN AN EAST AFRICAN NEWSPAPER:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
IN A VIENNA HOTEL:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm ther hotel porter.
A SIGN POSTED IN GERMANY'S BLACK FOREST:
It is strictly forbidden in our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
IN A ZURICH HOTEL:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
IN AN ADVERTISEMENT BY A HONG KONG DENTIST:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
IN A ROME LAUNDRY:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the rest of the afternoon having a good time.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
ADVERTISEMENT FOR DONKEY RIDES IN THAILAND:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
IN THE WINDOW OF A SWEDISH FURRIER:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
ON THE BOX OF A TOY MADE IN HONG KONG:
Guranteed to work throughout it's useful life.
DETOUR SIGN IN KYUSHI, JAPAN:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
IN A SWISS MOUNTAIN INN:
Special today: no ice cream.
IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
IN A TOKYO BAR:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
IN A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
ON THE DOOR OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ROOM:
If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to it.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN AN ACUPULCO HOTEL:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
FROM A JAPANESE INFORMATION BOOKLET ABOUT USING A HOTEL AIR CONDITIONER:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
OTHER
-----
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
For sale: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
And now, the Superstoreunequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
- instead of "deflation"...
