Forgive me moderators if this is out of place or obscene in any way. I do not see anything but the truth in my eyes, yet, if you see something objectible, please let me know. I do not intend to offend anyone here.
Funnily enough, I just realized that this an entirely different niche in the forums, ain't it? (This ain't the Cantina anymore, Toto...) Blow me down, so it is...anyway, I've got some time to kill before my friendly neighborhood postman comes. No really, my USPS postman is really a nice guy, always wishes everyone well, polite, timely, and very committed to his job. (I ordered some rocking asian brushes from blue heron arts, and they are taking their sweet time in filtering through the snail mail.)
But, I digress. My life story begins like everyone elses. Understand that this is a public forum, and I say this as much for reiteration to myself as I say it to others who just 'might' notice plot holes and whatnot in my story: some things are meant to be kept close at heart, not just for my safety, but for others in my family, and to spare many others undue concern and such like. Basically, I have a few secrets I will probably not be sharing, not because I don't like the dude who prompted this whole thing, not because I don't like my audience, but because some random person could stumble across this, and use it to tear me down. I don't want or need that. And besides! Think of it this way: without mystery, people think that they know EVERYthing, and that is truly dangerous thinking, right there. So, in reality, my keeping small secrets is only a contribution to the story! Yay, contributions!
And, yet again, I find myself just a little off topic.
Here we go, no distractions. My life story will be divided up into some categories: Early Life, Later life, Late life, Present, and Goals for the future. Let us start from the beginning: I don't remember much, but I do remember finger painting in kindergarten, splatter painting, first grade reading, impressing people with my remarkable spelling and reading capabilities. I remember pouring my heart and soul eagerly into composition books, writing hundreds of pages, and scrapping them, I remember getting ridiculed for my socially inappropriate behavior sets. I remember living life in the world of insects, studying, memorizing them, reading field guides, pest guides, anything I could get my hands on, swearing my undying love for bugs, and my undying wish to never get married! I was an adorable kid, back in the day, beach blonde hair, dimples and fair complexion, my skull was a little too big for my body, but that was when I was most happy, when I had no cares, no plans, nothing to worry or care about. I loved life when I was a little kid. (No, really though, I was pretty handsome back then. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!?!? Kidding.
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So, we move on to late elementary and middle school. This is when bullying began to really get me good. This is when I broke my spleen on a wooden container beam for the playground areas, and, lo and behold, whether to get attention or to redeem himself, the slick, super cool bully of the school Bruce helped me, screaming and vomiting, to the nurse's office, where I left everyone to go to the ER. I survived, and so did my spleen, but I still have a card made out of poster board that was signed by my classmates saying, get well soon. I moved on to middle school, Newark Charter. It was good my social skills were still prehistoric at best, because, otherwise, I would have gotten in quite a bit of fights. Middle school was...downright nasty. I was bullied almost every single day of my time there, even tried to bully someone else to try and make myself feel better, only to feel far worse (I found out later that the girl I bullied has autism, just like me, or possibly worse...I might never get over it, but I wish I had apologized when I saw her...)
And things got, remarkably, even worse in high school. I was inappropriately touched by some dude I did not know or will ever know, every day was a bully filled soap opera of trying to survive, to stay invisible, to be incognito. Because when people are popular at Newark High School, stuff happens to them.... That was all I knew. My life deteriorated as my mental state plunged into a deluge of depression. I cut myself over a hundred and thirty six times with scissors, covered myself in bandages, and went to high school one day, just to catch some girls eye in my neighborhood. I should have known what I saw was not promising ground to build a relationship upon. I spent four years of my life putting the same girl before myself, and the result was that she was terrified of me, and rightly so. I still resent her for it, yet I resent my foolishness...so much more.
I am living now with a checkerboard of light scar tissue on my arms and legs, and a slash on my left cheek that time will not heal. But I was lucky. And I am thankful for that stroke of luck that kept me from taking my life a hundred thousand times over. Because I have amazing talents, a beautiful, utterly gorgeous imagination that could be completely original, and I have much to give this world yet. I refuse to take the easy, simple way out. To die voluntarily is simple pain, to live is a complexity of coping, facing, accepting, and becoming more, than your eventual end. I have already chosen to live, and I have put my past pains behind me, because there are millions upon millions of people suffering far worse fates than I can fathom. I believe now, that is my civic, national, international duty to become a world famous artist, and paper the world with messages both subtle and screaming, that change and tradition are natural parts of life, that invention and reinvention are necessary to growth and purpose, that people who are suffering need not suffer, and people who luxuriate in terrible wealth, power, and might, who greedily hoarde riches, who terrorize the helpless, those who are not moral, nor righteous, should never have grown so complacent, and will be brought to justice...legally, of course.
I have a purpose in life, and I must fulfill it. That is my story, dude. If you need more details, more anything, just let me know, and I will tell you, personally. Peace.
David
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