Important first-hand research on zombies

[Howard Wallace]

Darn it! Now I’m dreaming about zombies. I attribute it to reading too many Cantina posts.

In any case, I’ve uncovered some important new details, so I thought I’d better post them. I’ve numbered them so you can find them.

In this dream I was Doc Savage and Red Flower had morphed into a buxom blonde, scantily clad, round eye. (Sorry Red Flower. If it’s any consolation I don’t look much like Doc either.) We had a bunch of kids of different ethnicities that we were protecting.

We had numerous adventures before the zombies finally got me and Red Flower. Here are some important points for you to remember though.

1.- Zombie kids like to dress in green and yellow. This was part of Doc’s pre-zombie knowledge, but it seemed to work for a long distance disguise when we disguised the kids that way. It’s less effective up close.

2. Zombies are very strong. Don’t go hand-to-hand with them. Once one had a hold of me it was all over. Even my Doc-strength couldn’t get me away.

3. Carry a khukuri. I don’t know how I happened to be without one at the critical moment. With a khukuri it’s a simple matter of lopping off the limb that grabs you.

4. Zombies are sensitive. After the big one caught my arm, it started raining. The zombie became lost in a reverie watching the rain come down on a patch of yellow daffodils. It’s that green/yellow theme again. I attribute it to their long time in close contact with the earth. I almost thought he was going to let me go. He didn’t, but he smiled at me as he infected me.

5. You can communicate telepathically with zombies once they have a hold of you. That’s how I know they’re sensitive creatures. This one liked me so he didn’t infect me by biting me. He used another method.

6. Infection is passed through broken skin contaminated with an infectious substance the zombies exude. The one that infected me stuck me with a steel rod that he had slimed.

7. The infectious substance has a smell that zombies can use to identify each other. After Red Flower and I got zombified we smeared the kids without breaking their skin. That gave them the proper smell and enhanced their green and yellow disguises. I think the kids still have a good chance. Clever devils they are.

 

[Kevin the grey]

A little advice ? Not so much hot sauce on the tacos late at night ! L:O:L
I find the spicier I make my food the better I dream ! L:O:L

 

[Josh Feltman]

Doc Savage! My hero. That's a really interesting dream, Howard.

 

[DannyinJapan]

I was wondering if I could just stop changing my underwear every week instead of smearing myself with zombie excrement...
Would that work, do you think?

 

[munk]

I think you need treatment. IT worked for me during my partial zombification last year.

I do miss the slime.



munk

 

[Astrodada]

An old Chinese story........

That the people had died working from their homeland. And in Chinese tradition they need to be buried at the place they were born or where his family lies. Home.

And there were a problem to transport the corpes back home.

So there were 'corpes horders' which they had the means of making the corpes walk by themselves by night..........The term they called...'garn see' in Chinese.

And occasionly some of them got away..............

 

[bwray]

I had dreams about my job before I retired. If you've ever tried to provide your own source of funding while working for the government, you might appreciate this one.

The last 8 yrs I worked at Los Alamos I was a whistleblower (fraud and abuse of funds). It was therefore a matter of survival to bring in enough funding to support myself and the excellent post doc who worked for me. Any failure in this regard and I was a goner; a "funding shortfall" would have appeared out of nowhere and I would have to have been let go .... with regrets of course.

So I had a string of contracts with industry in biomedical engineering and with other branches of government, primarily the military, in combat casualty care.

The dream starts with me standing at a podium giving a presentation to a large table full of scowling military officers. I had previously given everyone a handout that outlined the research proposal I was presenting. As I spoke the scowls gradually escalated to expressions of disgust and contempt. Then, while I was speaking, each officer produced a stapler from beneath the table. They then began folding my proposal into successively smaller scrunched up bundles and stapling it closed with resounding bangs each time they made a new fold. The scene was similar to the one in "Dances with Wolves" where the commanding officer folds Dunbar's orders into a small scrunched up ball and shoves it back at him. Only, in my dream, staplers added visual and auditory emphasis to the scene of rejection.

I woke up in a cold sweat, but later realized that this was the funniest job anxiety dream I had ever had. I still laugh about it, especially now that I am retired.

The dream could have been worse though. The officers might have morhped into zombies and begun shuffling towards me. And this was before I owned any khuks.

Anyone else have a funny or scary work anxiety dream?