Integrity, or stuff that we should be made of...

[Gary W. Graley]

Sitting at home with a broken ankle and not much mobility leaves plenty of time for reflection

I was thinking back on the 60 years that brought me to this point, good and bad, and how it all added to my present level of what I perceive myself to be, which is not a bad guy but probably could be better.

It's all perception, we tend to view everyone else as a little off or odd, rationalizing the things we do in our own head as necessary habits or things out of our control. But we do have quite a bit of control if we apply ourselves.

One of the things I think about is what it would be like being a cowboy, riding the fence line, taking care of the cattle out on the range, a lonely life but one where you have to depend on yourself to survive and others depend on your ability to take care of their property. Quiet time is good, I do like quiet Also there are a lot of Cowboy codes of the west kind of things, from Gene Autry and Roy Rogers to modern guys today, some good logic to most of them.

Growing up I've moved around A LOT, being an Army Brat, born in St Albans WV, moved to MD, HI, GA, PA, GA, PA and then in the Navy for 4 years, my dad said don't join the army, so I didn't and then he was mad, go figure! And back to PA when I got out and here I've stayed for over 30 years. Moving from town to town, different schools, you end up not having really long lasting friendships, we part ways and we're gone, but met some wonderful people over the years. When we came to PA we lived with my mom's parents on a farm, now, she was my step mom and her dad was her step dad, Abe Shames, a baker from NJ. Ever see "Green Acres" ? I lived it, lol he had NO idea how to run a farm, but he was a very good carpenter and of course an excellent baker. On the farm I took to reading Edgar Rice Burroughs "Tarzan" novels as well as The Hardy Boys by Franklin W. Dixon. Between those two authors I grew to have a sense of what was right and wrong and what integrity meant, to me at least. From the Tarzan books I took to climbing trees, a lot, in fact we had tree lines that marked the field separations, I was able to climb to the tops of these, about 30' up and actually grip the branch and leap to the next tree, the branch would bend to take me there and I would travel down the tree line. Lucky for me I was about 130 pounds and the trees were strong and didn't snap! It was very invigorating! Also my love for knives grew more as I would also carry a large bowie with me in the woods.

My father was pretty strict, also a bit of a drunk too, which I vowed my kids wouldn't ever have to put up with me. But being strict, an Army Master Sargent, probably helped as well, at one point he had used some wide masking tape and taped across the back of my shoulders and down my spine to make me stand straighter, nice...

So, that's a bit for you guys/gals to have read, so I'll stop for now, but just wondered what might have directed your lives till now?
G2

 

[HwangJino]

I enjoyed reading about your life. I found some similarities like moving around a lot, strict parents, and not having long term friendships, so I sort of depend on myself.

 

[Gary W. Graley]

Thanks sir, travel can be fun but as a lot of frequent travelers can attest, it can become very tiresome. This last year I was office bound, felt weird being at the same place every day, but my family and I did appreciate being home! The company I work for makes glass container inspection equipment that we sell around the world, been with them 33 years this year, a long time at one place. But got to see places like Pakistan, out in the Baluchistan province area just outside of Karachi, that was back in the 80's, Taiwan, Thailand, England, Scotland, Holland, Germany, France, Ireland, Bulgaria, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Italy, Singapore and Malaysia, Trinidad, Buenos Aires, Brazil, Mexico, Canada and over most of the US of A, always happy to get past that checkpoint and on our soil again. We've had a couple guys caught by the volcano ash a while back, had to stay in Ireland until it was safe to fly again, they didn't mind that too much as the work was done and they just had to sit...and wait

The world can be a pretty small place any more, we had some guys in Malaysia recently and worried they might have been on that missing flight, but luckily they were not, that's part of the risk of travel. And that experience also shapes a person too I would think.

Of the places I have visited, the people of Taiwan were probably the most hospitable, not to say the others were not, but for most of my 3 weeks there, I stayed places that tourist never visit and I kinda stuck out as it were. I remember that one of the Indiana Jones movies was playing and one of the guys from work took me to the movies there, the theater was PACKED, but I think I was the only one that understood English as the movie was subtitled in Chinese so you'd hear one lone guy laughing and then the rest of the house laughed, that in itself was kinda funny as that one guy was me

G2

 

[Bigfattyt]

My folks.

My dad is a farmboy turned educator. He is a real manly man. Camp, hike, cook, ride motorcycles, go up in the mountains to cut down our own firewood. He was a Physical Education major with a Math minor. He was athletic director and Vice President of student services at the local college for 36 + years.

We grew up learning how to split wood, hike, canoe, ride motor cycles, and drive a stick with his old Landcruiser FJ40. He taught me how to change my oil, tires, swap out a radiator here and there.

He also let me be me. Never pushed me to be something I was not. He did not push us into sports, or make us play anything so he could relive his own glory days. He taught me to throw a foot ball, and tackle some one. Play baseball etc, but let me do my own thing too. I spent a good bit of time snowboarding (which was something he would not do). He skied when he was younger. I only played football one year (which was his sport, amongst others), but tennis two years (which he did not play).

He taught me to hunt and fish, and shoot. But he was also an educated "farmboy" He was the first in his family to go to college, and got his Doctorate.

I got just as much, if not more from my mother. I can sew, cook, sing, etc because of my mom. She was an English teacher. Who occasionally taught me as a substitute in high school, and she taught college English as well.

Both of my parents pushed me to get an education, and I went the law-school route.


I still have both my parents, and they are still married after 45+ years.

 

[Gary W. Graley]

Nice sir! Sounds like a great way to raise kids up, positive teaching and not overly preaching. And 45 years is a goodly time, we'll have 34 this year ourselves, while my dad, he made a career out of marriage, at least 6 that I know of for sure and probably a couple that I've missed, he's down in Panama right now with another lady, lets just say, he was/is my what NOT to do example
G2

 

[Gary W. Graley]

A guy at work reminded me of family and traditions today, made me think of this thread. His grandfather always took the grandkids for walks on the farm, teaching them things about the farm and woods and the like as they walked, the kids were about 8/9 so they always liked these visits and grandpa was a good story teller as well. But he'd also throw in things about being honest, and how lies can get you into trouble, easier to remember the truth than to try and remember the lie you made up, doesn't go well. The kids talked about that with my friend recently since their grandpa passed away this summer. And he could tell they really missed him and the what a good influence their time with him had on their lives.

It's good to hear uplifting things like that now a days.
G2

 

[Rupestris]

What a great thread. I'm glad it got bumped or I'd have missed it.

I've taken some time off both Bladeforums and the knife world overall. There has been much going on in my life and, as you know, priorities. I've moved away from my home town, Detroit and it's suburbs, to a smaller town but still a suburb of Chicago, IL so as you can imagine, my plate has been full.

Covering two bases (what directed my life and a reply to the last post) and opening up a bit, I had my first child very early. I had a good work ethic but still wasn't completely grounded. At 20 years old I got my then girlfriend (and current wife) pregnant. Being a city kid raised by an auto factory worker, I wasn't presented with a long list of options. Join the blue collar workforce, pay my child support and take my lumps or do the bootstrap thing.

I chose the bootstraps. I've worked some long and hard hours. Traveled from Bangor to Baja and and can say, up to this point, my parents' never-say-die attitude and what I owe to my wife and children is what directs me.

As for the last post, I raised my two children with a short, simple set of rules. One of which is: Always tell the truth. That way, you never have to remember what you said yesterday.

I'm not sure how I accomplished what I have but, my son, born to a 20 year old kid with no real direction, is now a Corpsman in his sixth year in the Navy. Assigned to 2nd Marine Division, Lejeune, NC and married to a great young lady that I know keeps him as focused as my wife keeps me. My daughter is 20 and, while still at home, is on her way to becoming a personal trainer.

In case you were wondering just how short and simple the other rules are:

Rule number one: Pay attention. (no matter what you are doing, make that your focus.)
Number 2: Keep your eye on your luggage. (whether it's your keys or your children, know where they are, keep them secure. No one likes a thief but they exist. Don't make things easy for them.)
Number three is above.


Thanks for sharing G2

Chris

 

[jimh0220]

Without the interesting backstory you have, I'll just go throw out what I was taught, and learned since:

Respect. Mom and Dad get respect because they are Mom and Dad. Respect of others is earned, but courtesy is required.
Hard work. School, hobbies, sports (not my thing, but what I did do in sports, I had to bust my ass, no exceptions), boy scouts, job, and life.
Never treat a woman poorly. No exceptions. NEVER EVER. My Dad would have killed me if I ever mistreated a girl. Ask my wife if I got the message. When I met her, my Dad drilled me hard on what you do and don't do. I love him for that.
School matters. Neither of them were great students, especially Dad. Lucky for us, both my sister and I were blessed with good brains, but we were never aloud to not use them.
Police and laws are no joke, and breaking a law or getting in trouble with police is a deal breaker. So far so good.
Volunteering is a priority. Have a brother who has downs syndrome. We were involved with special olympics from 6yrs old on. That stuck with me. Any chance to volunteer your time is time well spent.
Compassion and tolerance. Period.
Color never matters.


Dad died when I was 23. Suddenly and without reason. I'm so glad for all he taught me when I grew up, because it all stuck with me. I don't get that grow old with your dad thing. My son will never see what Grandpa was like. But the lessons I learned were his legacy. When someone says I act like my dad, I wear that as a badge of honor.

 

[MVF]

Great stories! If we had more parents like the ones being remembered here we would be living in a much better world. Please appreciate just how important these values are and do what you can (like this thread, for starters) to help them spread. We need to do better for our kids!

On a personal note, I also was an Army brat starting off, and my Dad was about as straight-laced as they come- I took an ashtray as a souvenir from my first solo hotel stay in San Diego (I was a freshman in band and we traveled to a parade)- he made me ship it back with a letter of apology! I thought that was going a little far at the time, but I get it now and wouldn't trade it for anything. Integrity lets you feel like a man and sleep good at night.

Thanks for the thread!

 

[Gary W. Graley]

Not sure what brought me back to this thread, glad to have read the comments after my last, I don't remember getting the reminder that it had been added to, software can be glitchy but then, that was almost two years ago.

Hope everyone is having a great start to the new year!
G2

(update: the busted ankle still not quite right yet, may need the one large pin removed while I can walk much better, it still snaps and pops all the time...)