Joke for all you Texans

T

tsf

Joined
Jun 13, 2004
Messages
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Texan died and went to heaven. St. Peter met him at the gate. "A Texan, huh. You Texans think everything in Texas is bigger. Come on over here and let me show you something." He takes him over to a hole and down below was Hell with all the fire and brimstone. "Got anything bigger than that in Texas?" asks St. Peter. "Nope" says the Texan. "But I know a guy in Houston that'll put that fire out if you want."
Terry
 
Claustrophobic....but warm at last, warm at last, warm at last.



munk
 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE
IN TEXAS WHEN . . .



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You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .

You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .

You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .

You can make sun tea instantly . . .

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .

You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .

A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .

Hot air balloons can't go (at all) . . .

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, "what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death"?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
 
So this Texan realizes that Alaska is a bigger state. He travels to Alaska, stops at a local bar and asks, "What do I have to do to become an Alaskan?"

The bartender says, three things.

1, drink a quart of whisky
2. make love to an Eskimo woman.
3. kill a polar bear.

The texan drinks down the whisky, staggers out of the bar. He comes back two hours later covered with scratches and claw marks and says, "OK, now where is this Eskimo woman I gotta kill?"
 
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