just today...

S

sveqs

Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
366
... it has been a long while since I visited this forum. Many of you may remember that for a short while I was a pretty regular poster here. Made some good friends who showed surprisingly strong affection and brotherhood and cared for me like I was a childhood friend... sent me awesome and highly valued gifts too... it was all good and I really felt at home here, honored to know you guys...

and then exactly one year ago on this day my Mom passed away. We have all lost loved ones but this was a first for me and this has changed me profoundly. I won't go into details because, like I said before, most of you have been through this. Hell I was planning to make this a long and intimate post but, even though I am a writer by profession, it is just not going to work that way.

All the changes, both personal and financial, have caused me to abandon many friends, both virtual and physical. That is a sick and destructive thing, I just could not help it. I also lost some of my general enthusiasm and you cannot admire beautiful handcrafted tools with a "meh" overshadowing your general attitude. So I stopped visiting, stopped posting (not just here, other places too, basically)

but tell you what, sulking it is just not helping :)

so I would like to apologise to anyone I may have offended by playing dead and not returning your warm and welcoming attitude towards me

I can't promise I'll be a regular again, just way too much on my shoulders these days but you (and I) deserve to clean this up. I should have posted this many hundred days ago, I didn't. There is a chance you no longer care but you were / are such a great bunch of guys I am willing to take the risk and make a fool of myself if that happens :)

OK I can't re-read this post or else I'd delete the whole thing and not post at all, which would be a darn shame. Remember your loved ones, guys, take care, and have a nice day

-Gergely
 
Gergely,
No need to apolagize here ,You are still are friend,The anexity and all the things inside of you will shut you down,you need to release your feelings in one manner or another,But just dont block out the ones who do care.It was strange i had a cold chill come across me before i opened this and read it.Your being watched over brother.Amen
Beats,Bill
 
yeah Bill this has been a day of chills
writing this up was exactly in an attempt to force myself open :)
thank you for being there for me (is this leaning towards girly? I wouldn't want to release myself that much)
 
Gergely,

Sorry for your loss and I hate to hang on your coat tails for an apology, but I have been feeling the same way about not posting on here as much lately. No serious issues in my life, just been kinda sitting and watching...trying to listen more and more, but this post made me realize I may have offended some of our brothers on this forum. I hope not.

I hope this post helps bring you around and it's obvious you are among friends here....and always have been. I look forward to reading any of your posts when you feel you need to add something and know that I'll be thinking about ya when you're just hanging out and reading about the wonderful blades Bill, Chris and Tackett are knocking out.

All the best to ya My Friend and the same goes for the rest of ya.

Take Care of yourself,

Mike
 
good to have you posting -- sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
Losing a close family member is tough, and I understand the desire to close off from the world in an attempt to stop some of the pain.
Unfortunately, that doesn't work well and all it does is bottle the pain up inside so it festers and makes the healing process that much harder and slower.
We will enjoy your company whenever you post up, and will not begrudge you time spent away.
 
Hey G -

Your post brought me out the shadows here. Can't imagine anyone thinking ill of you for dealing with a deeply personal event in your life. No question that folks here understand and appreciate, many having been through their own version. Something that takes time to heal — different time schedule for all of us.

You're still my favorite Hungarian! :)
 
See look buddy, Did you actually think we would be down on you? I can still picture that video you all shot while opening that huge box of goodies from Gnarly,JUST REMEMBER THOSE GOOD TIMES!!
 
Im sorry to hear of your loss. I am actually an introvert myself and tend to do the same thing, keeping it bottled up. We are here for you my friend, sharing a few laughs always helps difficult situatuons!
 
I don't know you personally, but I can definitely relate to you. I lost my mom 6 FEB 2011 in a traffic accident. I know exactly what you mean by withdrawing. I did the same thing. I did that for about a year. I did a lot of thinking in that time, a lot of time alone in the woods and on my motorcycle. I came to the conclusion that Life is for the living and that my mom wouldn't have wanted me to live in misery. I realized that the amount of time you have on this planet is not a given and that nothing is pre-destined and that if I wanted to be happy again I had to get off my ass and make myself happy. I am still trying to do that.

I used the time away from everyone as a reset point. After going through all of that I decided to stop ignoring the things that I wanted to do but didn't pursue for whatever (usually stupid) reason. I made amends with my true friends and forgot about the ones who didn't really matter.

The only advice I can give is to pursue the things that make you happy. Avoid the things that that only serve as a distraction. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself, it is a trap.

My Mom always used to say "This too shall pass." I always thought it was hokey; but remembering her telling us that ended up being a comfort. I express my most heartfelt condolences and I hope you find some comfort, and make peace with this.

Best Wishes, Chris.
 
Sorry for your loss Chris,
I suppose I may have walked ( may be still walking ) the same path, just in different forests

Your immediate and warm responses have reminded me that I primarily came here not for the gear (blasphemy!) but for you guys, your thoughts, laughs and concerns. I haven't been talking much lately to anyone, so this all adds up. Conversing with you now is putting some of the pieces back in the puzzle :) fitting together nicely

I can't promise to be back tomorrow posting away like before, way too much going on in the family and work life, but it sure feels good to know that you haven't stopped knowing me (not that I ever had a doubt, but still, a good feeling)
 
Hang in there man, it can be tough for a long time but it will slowly get better. I have found that a majority of the people on BF to be both supportive and caring.
 
There have been alot of guys here since day one,its like a brotherhood on this forum,And we all take care of each other you can bet your ass on that
 
Do what you have to do, man. Live your life and pursue what makes you happy and throw yourself into it full-force. Spend some time with people you love this holiday season. It's time to get back to living life. It get's better eventually.
 
Hey Gergely.
I don't know you either...i'm a short-timer here. i am sorry to hear of your mom's passing. and, i am sorry you are going through a tough time.

Thanks for checking in. And, keep hope alive.

-todd
 
one comforting thought for me has always been that she lived to see the incredible care package you guys put together for me last summer
she must have felt really proud knowing her baby boy (6'2", 270 lbs) has such great friends... :)
 
sveqs said:
yeah Bill this has been a day of chills
writing this up was exactly in an attempt to force myself open :)
thank you for being there for me (is this leaning towards girly? I wouldn't want to release myself that much)
Click to expand...

naw dude. the opposite. it takes a real man to step up and break down some walls.

as you (and chris) have said....i tend to keep things to myself. i am not an introvert. in fact, i am quite social. loud. the extrovert. but, it is a mask. it is my defense mechanism. the clown don't cry, ya know?

when my wife left me after 14 years of marriage...walked out on me and our two boys...i literally didn't tell a soul for 7 months. 7 months! so, i can relate to searching inward. and honestly, i don't know that there is anything wrong with that.

seems to me like you took your time, and now...here you are.

thanks for sharing. you got me thinking.

always liked this song....

[video=youtube;PqVtDIufnOE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqVtDIufnOE[/video]
 
Knowing that it's okay not to react according to the norm... that is one thing I needed (and received) help with

Just today as I was talking to my wife over the phone (she stayed home with the kids as I visited father) she commented how our sister-in-law said this whole thing bore down on his husband, my brother. To which I replied well it has changed my whole life too - and my wife was surprised to hear that.
Cr@p that was never my intention to fool her... or anyone... but I can only mourn my way, not their way. I hope someone tells this to them

Todd, for what it's worth I know a couple of father's who are raising their kids alone and they are doing one heck of a great job, I wish I could learn from them... but that must have been tough
 
sveqs said:
Knowing that it's okay not to react according to the norm... that is one thing I needed (and received) help with

Just today as I was talking to my wife over the phone (she stayed home with the kids as I visited father) she commented how our sister-in-law said this whole thing bore down on his husband, my brother. To which I replied well it has changed my whole life too - and my wife was surprised to hear that.
Cr@p that was never my intention to fool her... or anyone... but I can only mourn my way, not their way. I hope someone tells this to them

Todd, for what it's worth I know a couple of father's who are raising their kids alone and they are doing one heck of a great job, I wish I could learn from them... but that must have been tough
Click to expand...

glad you're talking about it Gergely.

and, with that said...i suppose i started talking too. so, to complete the story....that was about 6 yrs ago. she took a couple years off, during which time i had the kids full time. she smartened up a bit (sort of) and we split custody 50/50. my oldest is in college, so he's not really around much. don't get me wrong... i'm good with it. i actually don't even have "hard feelings" about it (much). wise man once say, "Shit happens."

see what you've done gergs? :) that's the most i've talked about anything "real" on the forum. i don't hide it anymore. i'm an open book. but, i also don't offer it up. ;)
 
G, good to hear from you again. I won't repeat all that has been said above, but you can bet a dollar to a doughnut everyone on this forum has been where you are, myself included. I honestly don't think there is a better bunch of guys anywhere on this forum than right here, in "our" home (well, at least in BA & Chris's home . . . ;) ). If it hadn't been for all you guys 2 years ago & all the posts, the ribbings, the sarcasims, the jokes, & the prayers and good thoughts, I honestly don't think Sally T would have made the recovery she did. Everyone on this forum, & as BA said, all of us that have been here from "Day 1", will be here if and when you need to visit. You've got mine & Sally T's home email address too anytime you need to "drop in" for a spell and as often as you need to.
Take care buddy, I can tell you from personal experience that eventually only time will help ease the hurt and the pain you feel now, & it will get easier to handle. Godspeed brother, keep in touch when you can, lines are always open . . . . . :thumbup:
Be safe.
 
Hey Greg, it's good to see you here again. Even though I've seen you on the other forum, I'm glad you've made it back here. Don't feel bad about needing some time. Just look what your starting this thread has done for some. It even go XBANKER to post, I didn't even know he was a member here. Wait, how could I, 14 posts in 7 years.LOL.
 
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