- Joined
- Dec 10, 2003
- Messages
- 438
first off, special thanks to the gracious mods of bladeforums who honored my request to keep this educational thread in the blade discussion forum. and big thanks to those who either loved or hated - yet still contributed to the 1st installment of this series. now, here are some of the classes of knuthood that i missed. enjoy the information, and if you don't have a sense of humor, too bad!
mayo-nasals - these guys have a little bit of a gloryhole fetish, and they secretly wish the ozone layer was more perforated than it already is. if funds would permit, they'd even send their stag-handled knives to mr. mayo for some copious drilling. these folks' diet consists primarily of swiss cheese.
randall's vandals - these dudes know a good-looking blade when they see it, even if the steel is straight out of 1966 mills. they laugh at how many knifemaker's names are half-assedly etch-o-matic'd onto the blades nowadays, and consider it a sign of shallow heritage. they go around in covert assasination teams to headquarters of cold steel & other companies who have blatantly ripped off their model 1 fighter.
multitool personalities - these fellows love to break stuff. this gives them a good excuse to go around fixing stuff. they don't consider a knife to be valid unless it packs a caterpillar tractor & a portable generator that can sustain the appliances of a small town in omaha.
machete kukz - now these guys are truly dangerous. they have clinically diagnosable amputation anxiety. this means that they have the incessant urge to dismember everything and everyone before, god forbid, it happens to them. these folks use their bolos for even the finest tasks, like picking boogers and coring fruit.
caseloads - these guys range somewhere between 100-200 years of age. they shun all locking mechanisms for folders; it's just too much modern bullshit, ya know? these dudes keep a can of beezwax in their pockets to make sure the ends of their mustaches don't lose their curls & pointy tips.
cold steelers - these guys have molar fillings specially made of carbon-v, and don't seem to mind the rust. some of them have autographed posters of lorraina bobbit, because they like to chop ropelike objects that dangle from bushy origins.
fussy busse rats - these fellows know that if an iron butress gives way on a trailer leg, their battle mistress is there to substitute. pry bars are laughed at because they can't cut stuff too. these fellows have thrown out their hammers; who needs them when you have the spine of your knife?
chisel grinders - these guys were born with a flat head. they are also afflicted with breastcup envy. they figure emerson can't be wrong if his chisel grinds can sell for the price of a used camry each.
folding gentlemen - these fellows let out a high-pitched shriek when shown a blade that exceeds 3.5". they only carry knives that are dainty and waifish enough to go unnoticed by clergyfolk & office bosses. they own kitties & poodles named mnandi and kestrel.
forgers - these dudes were burned & beaten repeatedly while growing up.. and you know what? they're some seriously tough mutherf*ckers!! they figure the same principles must apply to knives.
karambytes - well, these guys got bored with the idea of knives being useful or beautiful, so they rejoiced when karambits came into mass production. now thay can make the "whoop-de-do" motion with their index finger, and have a sharp little midget twirling around it.
factory sour-grapers - these guys don't own a single custom, yet bash folks who do. they think that lightfoot is the name of a dance in country western bars. they will never buy a custom knife, no matter how rich they are - simply because it violates their principles. these folks fear that they'll get their benchmade license suspended for a year if they by a custom.
custom snobs - these guys avoid factory knives like the plague. they shed a tear every time they must use their knives to cut such harsh & unforgiving materials, such as paper envelopes, nylon clothing tag lines, and an occasional strip of scotch tape. the most used tool these guys have is the magnetic strip of their visas. bastards.
sebenzanistas [encore listing] - the humping continues...
mayo-nasals - these guys have a little bit of a gloryhole fetish, and they secretly wish the ozone layer was more perforated than it already is. if funds would permit, they'd even send their stag-handled knives to mr. mayo for some copious drilling. these folks' diet consists primarily of swiss cheese.
randall's vandals - these dudes know a good-looking blade when they see it, even if the steel is straight out of 1966 mills. they laugh at how many knifemaker's names are half-assedly etch-o-matic'd onto the blades nowadays, and consider it a sign of shallow heritage. they go around in covert assasination teams to headquarters of cold steel & other companies who have blatantly ripped off their model 1 fighter.
multitool personalities - these fellows love to break stuff. this gives them a good excuse to go around fixing stuff. they don't consider a knife to be valid unless it packs a caterpillar tractor & a portable generator that can sustain the appliances of a small town in omaha.
machete kukz - now these guys are truly dangerous. they have clinically diagnosable amputation anxiety. this means that they have the incessant urge to dismember everything and everyone before, god forbid, it happens to them. these folks use their bolos for even the finest tasks, like picking boogers and coring fruit.
caseloads - these guys range somewhere between 100-200 years of age. they shun all locking mechanisms for folders; it's just too much modern bullshit, ya know? these dudes keep a can of beezwax in their pockets to make sure the ends of their mustaches don't lose their curls & pointy tips.
cold steelers - these guys have molar fillings specially made of carbon-v, and don't seem to mind the rust. some of them have autographed posters of lorraina bobbit, because they like to chop ropelike objects that dangle from bushy origins.
fussy busse rats - these fellows know that if an iron butress gives way on a trailer leg, their battle mistress is there to substitute. pry bars are laughed at because they can't cut stuff too. these fellows have thrown out their hammers; who needs them when you have the spine of your knife?
chisel grinders - these guys were born with a flat head. they are also afflicted with breastcup envy. they figure emerson can't be wrong if his chisel grinds can sell for the price of a used camry each.
folding gentlemen - these fellows let out a high-pitched shriek when shown a blade that exceeds 3.5". they only carry knives that are dainty and waifish enough to go unnoticed by clergyfolk & office bosses. they own kitties & poodles named mnandi and kestrel.
forgers - these dudes were burned & beaten repeatedly while growing up.. and you know what? they're some seriously tough mutherf*ckers!! they figure the same principles must apply to knives.
karambytes - well, these guys got bored with the idea of knives being useful or beautiful, so they rejoiced when karambits came into mass production. now thay can make the "whoop-de-do" motion with their index finger, and have a sharp little midget twirling around it.
factory sour-grapers - these guys don't own a single custom, yet bash folks who do. they think that lightfoot is the name of a dance in country western bars. they will never buy a custom knife, no matter how rich they are - simply because it violates their principles. these folks fear that they'll get their benchmade license suspended for a year if they by a custom.
custom snobs - these guys avoid factory knives like the plague. they shed a tear every time they must use their knives to cut such harsh & unforgiving materials, such as paper envelopes, nylon clothing tag lines, and an occasional strip of scotch tape. the most used tool these guys have is the magnetic strip of their visas. bastards.
sebenzanistas [encore listing] - the humping continues...
