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- Feb 27, 2001
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I wrote this and printed it and signed and am going to give these to my three sons sometime this week. Often parents give advice about life. But what would happen If for some reason I am not there..maybe something as mundane as I am off on a business trip or as serious and I am no longer living.
I want my sons to know my principles for living. so I wrote them down and thought I would share them with you. Do not flame me please this stuff is very personal..I am sharing it with you because someday most of us will or are already parents..
My Sons,
I want you to know how proud I am of all three of you. You are growing to be men of character. I wish to share with you some secrets of life that I have either learned the hard way or were also told to me by people wiser than myself at a younger age. I share these things with you now because already as young men you are making or soon will make decisions that will have a profound impact on your adult life. Please do not think that what you learn and do in your childhood has no impact on your future as an adult. What you do now will affect who you are in the future. That said you may have heard these things from me verbally but I wish to write them down so that you will have a written copy for if I am not around someday you will know what I believed in and stood for.
1. Realize that your actions will have a profound impact on those around you. Your decisions will impact other people. Please understand that the world does not revolve around you. You should never just look out for number one; people who do this are called selfish for that is what they are.
2. There is no easy way to make a buck. There will be many people telling you that there are in fact easy fool proof ways to make money. They are telling you a lie. The only way money is made honorably in this world is with hard work.
3. Work hard, but also work with a passion. It is important to find a vocation that you love. You must look forward to work on Monday, and be kind of sad when the work week is over. Work for people who appreciate your passion. Avoid situations where you work at a job you hate for a boss who does not appreciate you.
4. Avoid debt. Stay away from Credit Cards, The credit card is legalized loan sharking. Live within your means. Pay cash for everything, if you cannot afford it. Save your money until you can purchase it with cash. Avoid monthly payments; there is nothing that robs you of the joy of your job when you have become an indentured servant to your debt. Your paycheck should be yours to spend or save as you please. Remember that Cars in spite of what the T.V. says are nothing more than transportation. Avoid buying expensive cars. Most people cannot afford them and later in life you will have plenty of time for a nice car. Drive a car that is affordable, safe, and reliable anything else is a waste of your hard earned money.
5. Own up to your mistakes, and you will make them, do not blame others, do not blame your parents, your decisions are yours and yours alone. If you make a stupid decision stand up like a man and admit that your choice was poor, do not cry about the consequences of your actions. Accept the error of your ways and the consequences of the poor decision and learn from your mistake. People who blame other people for their own bad judgment are seen by the world as weak stupid people. Do not make this mistake.
6. Always tell the truth. This world hates liars but respects honesty; this is something that you must decide in your heart to do at all time even if it has a personal cost. Avoid people who tell lies, do not become friends with them, do not do business with them avoid liars at all costs.
7. Marry the right girl. Avoid girls who are drama queens, girls who think they are princesses, girls who have issues with unresolved brokenness in their families, and girls who like to spend more money than they can earn themselves. Marry a girl that you know regardless of what happens that you can spend the rest of your life with. Marry a girl who will be a good mother to your children. Marry a girl that when you think of her you know in your heart that you are the luckiest guy in the world and that you really should not have been so lucky to have her. Marry the girl that your heart tells you that will die if you cannot spend the rest of your life with her. Marry the girl that you want to be best friends with, Marry the girl that you can do anything with even if its mundane (like grocery shopping) and still have fun. It is extremely important that you spend a lot of time finding the right girl. Avoid whirlwind romances, avoid girls who want to give you their bodies or offer you sex early in your relationship. Building life long relationships takes time.
8. Do not confuse sex with love. Girls who want to give you their bodies want sex. They probably do not understand what true love is. In spite of what our culture says sex does not yield love, love yields the most exquisite sex ever imagined. Girls that do not understand this are the wrong girls. These girls will drag you down if they offer it. Say No Thanks and run away as fast as you can.
9. Do not follow the crowd. Never compromise your beliefs to be accepted by the group. Trust me when I say that if you compromise your beliefs to be accepted by the crowd you have sold your soul to people who could care less about you as a person. Stay true to your moral compass, it will guide you through life Do not be afraid to stand alone on a principle. Being alone and true to yourself is better than selling out for cheap friends.
10. Accept the fact that life is not fair. You are not entitled to anything. You need to grow where you are planted like the tree in the forest. The tree cannot choose where is grows. It does the best with what it has been given. You must do the same.
11. Forgive people who have wronged you. It is better to forgive than to carry a grudge. Grudges and hatred are like the most beautiful jewels in the world. You carry them in a small treasure chest in your heart. When you are alone you open the chest and marvel at the beauty of the stones by reliving all of the anger and emotions. But what you do not know is that when you are opening up the chest of hatred and grudges, the brightness of the jewels of hate begins to burn away your soul. Many people die angry and bitter and it is so sad. Hatred, bitterness, and grudges are like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. Forgive and move on.
12. Always defend people who are less fortunate than you. There are people in the world who prey on the weak, the poor, and those who cannot defend themselves. These people are the scum of the earth. Show kindness and mercy to those in need. Help them if you can. Treat everyone but especially those weaker or poorer than yourself as an equal. Defend those who need defense, help those who need help, protect those who need protection.
13. Understand that you cannot change people. There has never been any amount of pleading, nagging, or begging that has ever changed any person I have ever known. The door to change comes from within. It opens inward. Only YOU can change YOU. You cannot change other people. Do not waste you time trying to change other people. Your mother did not change me when I quit smoking. I decided to quit smoking. It was my choice to change. Understand this and it will save you much misery.
14. Do not start smoking, and drink only in moderation. Smoking is bad for your health and being drunk is stupid and dangerous. Do not smoke pot, and do other drugs. Regardless of what our current culture says people have died using drugs the first time. I can tell you more stories about this than I care to remember.
Above all my sons please know that in spite of my short comings I will always love you and as you enter your high school and teen years know that there is nothing so terrible that you cannot talk to you Dad about. I have seen most of it and heard the rest. Share with me your fears and concerns. I promise I wont freak out and punish you. If you are unsure of what is going on in your life, lean on me because I love you as much as I love life.
I love you.
Dad
I want my sons to know my principles for living. so I wrote them down and thought I would share them with you. Do not flame me please this stuff is very personal..I am sharing it with you because someday most of us will or are already parents..
My Sons,
I want you to know how proud I am of all three of you. You are growing to be men of character. I wish to share with you some secrets of life that I have either learned the hard way or were also told to me by people wiser than myself at a younger age. I share these things with you now because already as young men you are making or soon will make decisions that will have a profound impact on your adult life. Please do not think that what you learn and do in your childhood has no impact on your future as an adult. What you do now will affect who you are in the future. That said you may have heard these things from me verbally but I wish to write them down so that you will have a written copy for if I am not around someday you will know what I believed in and stood for.
1. Realize that your actions will have a profound impact on those around you. Your decisions will impact other people. Please understand that the world does not revolve around you. You should never just look out for number one; people who do this are called selfish for that is what they are.
2. There is no easy way to make a buck. There will be many people telling you that there are in fact easy fool proof ways to make money. They are telling you a lie. The only way money is made honorably in this world is with hard work.
3. Work hard, but also work with a passion. It is important to find a vocation that you love. You must look forward to work on Monday, and be kind of sad when the work week is over. Work for people who appreciate your passion. Avoid situations where you work at a job you hate for a boss who does not appreciate you.
4. Avoid debt. Stay away from Credit Cards, The credit card is legalized loan sharking. Live within your means. Pay cash for everything, if you cannot afford it. Save your money until you can purchase it with cash. Avoid monthly payments; there is nothing that robs you of the joy of your job when you have become an indentured servant to your debt. Your paycheck should be yours to spend or save as you please. Remember that Cars in spite of what the T.V. says are nothing more than transportation. Avoid buying expensive cars. Most people cannot afford them and later in life you will have plenty of time for a nice car. Drive a car that is affordable, safe, and reliable anything else is a waste of your hard earned money.
5. Own up to your mistakes, and you will make them, do not blame others, do not blame your parents, your decisions are yours and yours alone. If you make a stupid decision stand up like a man and admit that your choice was poor, do not cry about the consequences of your actions. Accept the error of your ways and the consequences of the poor decision and learn from your mistake. People who blame other people for their own bad judgment are seen by the world as weak stupid people. Do not make this mistake.
6. Always tell the truth. This world hates liars but respects honesty; this is something that you must decide in your heart to do at all time even if it has a personal cost. Avoid people who tell lies, do not become friends with them, do not do business with them avoid liars at all costs.
7. Marry the right girl. Avoid girls who are drama queens, girls who think they are princesses, girls who have issues with unresolved brokenness in their families, and girls who like to spend more money than they can earn themselves. Marry a girl that you know regardless of what happens that you can spend the rest of your life with. Marry a girl who will be a good mother to your children. Marry a girl that when you think of her you know in your heart that you are the luckiest guy in the world and that you really should not have been so lucky to have her. Marry the girl that your heart tells you that will die if you cannot spend the rest of your life with her. Marry the girl that you want to be best friends with, Marry the girl that you can do anything with even if its mundane (like grocery shopping) and still have fun. It is extremely important that you spend a lot of time finding the right girl. Avoid whirlwind romances, avoid girls who want to give you their bodies or offer you sex early in your relationship. Building life long relationships takes time.
8. Do not confuse sex with love. Girls who want to give you their bodies want sex. They probably do not understand what true love is. In spite of what our culture says sex does not yield love, love yields the most exquisite sex ever imagined. Girls that do not understand this are the wrong girls. These girls will drag you down if they offer it. Say No Thanks and run away as fast as you can.
9. Do not follow the crowd. Never compromise your beliefs to be accepted by the group. Trust me when I say that if you compromise your beliefs to be accepted by the crowd you have sold your soul to people who could care less about you as a person. Stay true to your moral compass, it will guide you through life Do not be afraid to stand alone on a principle. Being alone and true to yourself is better than selling out for cheap friends.
10. Accept the fact that life is not fair. You are not entitled to anything. You need to grow where you are planted like the tree in the forest. The tree cannot choose where is grows. It does the best with what it has been given. You must do the same.
11. Forgive people who have wronged you. It is better to forgive than to carry a grudge. Grudges and hatred are like the most beautiful jewels in the world. You carry them in a small treasure chest in your heart. When you are alone you open the chest and marvel at the beauty of the stones by reliving all of the anger and emotions. But what you do not know is that when you are opening up the chest of hatred and grudges, the brightness of the jewels of hate begins to burn away your soul. Many people die angry and bitter and it is so sad. Hatred, bitterness, and grudges are like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. Forgive and move on.
12. Always defend people who are less fortunate than you. There are people in the world who prey on the weak, the poor, and those who cannot defend themselves. These people are the scum of the earth. Show kindness and mercy to those in need. Help them if you can. Treat everyone but especially those weaker or poorer than yourself as an equal. Defend those who need defense, help those who need help, protect those who need protection.
13. Understand that you cannot change people. There has never been any amount of pleading, nagging, or begging that has ever changed any person I have ever known. The door to change comes from within. It opens inward. Only YOU can change YOU. You cannot change other people. Do not waste you time trying to change other people. Your mother did not change me when I quit smoking. I decided to quit smoking. It was my choice to change. Understand this and it will save you much misery.
14. Do not start smoking, and drink only in moderation. Smoking is bad for your health and being drunk is stupid and dangerous. Do not smoke pot, and do other drugs. Regardless of what our current culture says people have died using drugs the first time. I can tell you more stories about this than I care to remember.
Above all my sons please know that in spite of my short comings I will always love you and as you enter your high school and teen years know that there is nothing so terrible that you cannot talk to you Dad about. I have seen most of it and heard the rest. Share with me your fears and concerns. I promise I wont freak out and punish you. If you are unsure of what is going on in your life, lean on me because I love you as much as I love life.
I love you.
Dad
