Lost the drive.

D

Dmitry.M

Joined
Jun 13, 2006
Messages
1,008
Just few days ago it was all fine. I worked like a dog, forged some steel, swet and was full of plans. Today i feel myself like deflated baloon. No I still do what I have to do. At home, in the shop. But there is absolutely NO DRIVE. No fun, no drive, no pleasure. I am actually afraid to do anything because I feel like I can spoil whatever I make, make some damage or harm myself.
I do not want any alcohol. I do not do drugs of any kind. I do not even smoke.
I'm just empty. Exhaused.:(
My kids don't care. My wife don't care.
I am not asking about anything like advise or something. Just a puff of emotions in the thin air. Just a puff. Need some time to stay inside myself.
 
Dimitry I call what you have -yellow dog- we all need to curl up with a book sometimes.
Ken.
 
Dmitry, sometimes we need to refill our well of passion with the water of creativity. You can maybe try something you have never thought to try something completely out of the blue I find that sometimes helps. DO IT! don't worry about failing, just do it and be safe doing it.
 
I agree with KC. I call it burn out. I have a 1.5 hour drive each way to my day job and I work 10 hour days. All I think about all week is getting in my shop on the week-end. Only to find on sat. I'm too tired to do anything. I have to make myself go to the shop. After an hour or so in the Forge all is good. Its just a mood. You can control it or let it control you.
 
We all get the blahs from time to time. Usually it goes away. If taking a break and doing something different doesn't help, and the empty and useless feeling persists for more than a week or so, talk to someone ( your family doctor) about it. Depression can come and go without warning. Often it is not a big deal to deal with if you get on it early. Letting it go for more than a couple of weeks is not a good idea.
 
bladsmth said:
We all get the blahs from time to time. Usually it goes away. If taking a break and doing something different doesn't help, and the empty and useless feeling persists for more than a week or so, talk to someone ( your family doctor) about it. Depression can come and go without warning. Often it is not a big deal to deal with if you get on it early. Letting it go for more than a couple of weeks is not a good idea.
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Excellent advice..... :thumbup: :)
 
Dmitry,

I get like that too, sometimes. Just drained, and everything seems gray. Depression can get serious, and it takes a great deal of effort to rouse yourself to deal with it. My solution, and it works for me, is physical exertion. Go to the gym and lift weights; go for a run-do something! The exertion releases endorphins that make a persion feel much better. Best of luck!!

Dave
 
Yeah Dmitry, life is sometimes like that....big surge and then deflation.

You really might want to try some of that alcohol stuff though....;)

take care

Mike
 
Someone once told me that being happy is nothing more than having something good to look forward to every day.The only thing I would add to that is that problems need to be delt with one at a time,from worst to least.

Your saying that your wife and kids don't care is some concern to me and makes me wonder if there other problems that are affecting your knife making.

Take some time to think about the most important things in life to you.If some of thoes things are starting to erode,take time to work on them.Don't get overwhelmed with the big picture but make small steps toward accomplishing your goals so that you can see some progress every day.

We are all on your side and I am confident that in no time at all things will take a turn for the better.The one thing that we can all count on is that in this life things are subject to change.We just have to keep our attention on our goals and not allow ourselves to get bogged down on some of the side tracks.

My best to you and yours
Randy
 
I know you did not ask for advice, so skip right over this post if you care too. But when I feel out of sorts, or as grumpy as my avatar looks, I list in my head or write down on paper all the things I am thankful for. Like I married the right woman. Kids are awesome. I don't have toenail cancer. Stuff like that. Corny, I know, but it reminds me about what is good in life and sometimes helps to get me back on track. I make a point of doing this every Father's Day too.

And while I am giving unsolicited advice :), consider treating those around you the way you want to be treated. It will lift them up, and before you know it they may start returning the favor.
 
Dmitry, I hope I didn't seem insensitive in my last post. I was trying to do the "guy" thing and make light of it.
I sometimes get like you describe here and sometimes I can't wait to get to bed so that the day will be over and maybe tomorrow will be better.
It does help to count your blessings and to take note of the love of family and friends around you.
Take care buddy....

Mike
 
Wow... thanks guys. Did not expect such a response.

Well... I took all your directions at ones. Yesterday I payed one day of my life to the Lazyness goddess. I did some urgent job in the morning. Hardened few blades for the cigar cutter. It was well perpared and thought through, so it went pretty smooth. I used the new propane forge, it went pretty hot pretty fast. I decided that it will be waste of the propane just to shut it. I broke a hacksaw blade in small pieces, stack them on the tip of another blade, wrapped with the mild steel wire... and quess what... welded it in a tiny billet. No preps, just two dips in the borax, few minutes in the forge and few quick hammer taps. it has no contrast because I welded the same steel to itself. But it welded nicely, no seams are visible, it stays in one piece.
I did not have any purpous for it. Just played around for fun. Now I know that my forge can reach the welding temperature easily and it does not burn the steel. So that was an adventures part of the day.
Than I cooked nice and rich soup form the sheepram meet and bones( i am not sure how to call it, veil?)
It came out well. So I had a nice big meal with some wine.
And the rest of a day I spent (God forgive me!) on the couch watching TV and sipping my wine till I felt asleep. And I continued watching TV after I woke up up to the midnight. A than I talked with one guy( on Skype) about smelting and wootz making. And we talked about 2 hours, so it was about 2 in the morning when I crushed on the bed.
And it's not the end of a story. The fun continues today.:rolleyes:

I came at work at about 7:30. Our building manager came to me and said that there is a deer that few minutes ago tried to escape from the fenced territory and it did not make it and broke it's neck. We went there and there she was(nice big dow)... the neck definitely broken and it died right there in front of us. I can't stand when the good stuff is wasted...:D A brief call to the local DNR and police, in 10 minutes we had an officer that wrote me a posession tag... free... So I spent about an hour buchering fresh "roadkill" in my garage. Today I'll have party continuation with more grilled meat and booze.:thumbup:

Man, you never know what the next minute will bring you. And f*ck this depression. I have at least two day to live well;)

Powernoodle, my kids are awesome as well. I married the wrong woman and I am gona leave her as soon as my junior will be out of the nest. And I don't care how much I am gonna lose. I will get myself back. Wich is what i need.
Whatever. I am good right now, that's what matters.:thumbup:

Sorry for the grammar, I am not good at it even what I am absolutely sober :D and I still have some spirit in my veins I guess;)
 
Ant there I thought that you HARD DRIVE was lost. :eek:
Now THAT would have been depressing. ;)

Glad you are doing better my friend.
 
Patrice Lemée;8544658 said:
Ant there I thought that you HARD DRIVE was lost. :eek:
Now THAT would have been depressing. ;)

Glad you are doing better my friend.
Click to expand...
Been there, pissed me off when it happen... first time. Now I have 2 HDs and a backup.:D I am crazy, but learning crazy, wich is more weird!:cool:
 
24 years ago the doctors old me I had cancer and had less than 6 months to live, I started a band and called it "Swan Song" our gimmick was that the singer might die on stage. Then another doc figured out what was actually wrong. I decided somewhere around then that any day I wake up on this side of the grass is a good day. After that it's up to me. A month ago same problem put me in the hospital for 5 days, and probably within 12-24 hours of dead. Kinda reminded me that life isn't about working like a dog without any fun. I had been slaving away between the day job and getting ready for shows that I ended up not being able to do because I got so sick, I decided that I should pull back from the big shows that I made no profit on but "had to be at" which I worked half a year to get ready for, and then would only break even doing. I have been just doing the stuff I want to do that are interesting or fun. I'm thinking of teaching myself glassblowing because it looks like fun, and I'm picking up my cameras which I haven't done anything serious with since I moved 6 years ago. It was good to reopen my darkroom.
I guess what I'm saying is don't force yourself to do one kind of work if it's not coming, play a bit with something else and have fun (or go to the zoo and make faces at the monkeys)

-Page
 
Sometimes I get the feeling that everything is overwhelming and I cannot interest myself in doing things including working in the shop. I just get tired and bored. I take some 'me time out' and go for walks, or go out to the camp for a couple days, or just crack open a bottle of Scotch for a lazy evening. It's a little like rebooting the brain. Afterwards I can become much more productive.

A good example was a couple weeks ago, I felt exactly like you did about staying away from the shop for fearing of screwing up. I was worried about stamping my name into the blades unevenly.

I went to camp for three days, enjoying myself in the canoe by day, and cooking up good dinners followed by Scotch by night.

I came home, and moved two trailer loads of firewood, and the next day I stamped and heat treated 7 blades. A time out can make a big difference in our moods and feelings.
 
I've been going through a rather long spell of this sort of minor depression.

In my day job I'm a manager with a small staff of engineers. For years I have been working with the team trying to get them enthused and in a career growth pattern, driving them to higher goals (as I am required to do). Sadly, I find that each in their own time finds a certain level and has no desire to go beyond that level, yet continue to feel they are entitled to raises.

Worse, my bosses tell me that I have to make them do more with less resources. They take away our funding for equipment, travel, training and even basic office supplies. They scrunch us into smaller and smaller workspaces and still demand more, more and more.

We're all worn down, and me most of all because I have to keep applying pressure to rocks that are done moving.

So if you think this sort of minor depression only affects knifemakers or laborers in general, think again.

Ironically, I turn to knifemaking as an outlet. Because in my day job there really is no closure (just the ever ongoing need to do more with less), I need some outlet for my energy that yields a tangible result. While my efforts may not mean much to anyone else, to me they are tangible proof that I did something... I made something... I am more than just the wayward Spaniard pushing on a windmill.

- Greg
 
tryppyr said:
We're all worn down, and me most of all because I have to keep applying pressure to rocks that are done moving.
- Greg
Click to expand...

It may sound bad or wrong, but sometime to make the stones roll you need to knock out one or two from the very bottom...:rolleyes:
People are active in two cases only. When they WANT and when they FEAR.
Obviously you people don't want... so.... You may need to make some serious BOO.
 
Sometimes you just have to turn the shop lights off and go fishing.....sometimes the lights may stay off quite awhile but, when your filter's get cleaned out, you'll go back in and take on a renewed interest....it happens to all of us....you'll be fine. Storms never last, man.
 
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