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It has recently leaked out that Busse Combat is making knives for elves. Let that sink in a second...
That's right. Elves.
And not just any old run-of-the-mill, Middle-Earth savin', bow-and-arrow totin', piercing-eyed elves. We're talking about guerilla elves armed with INFI. They're out there, in the gloomy places that send a shiver down your spine on cold, dark nights.
Keebler, it has been discovered, is just a front for the real militant elf faction that could change the very way we think about cookies.
I realize I am putting my life in peril by amassing the information below, but someone has to stand up and shed light on the truth. Otherwise, elves will wind up with all the good INFI. So, I present you with...
Exhibit One:
Keebler front man holding a Sus Scrofa.
Exhibit Two:
Documentation of the super secret KGB-1 bravely smuggled out of elf territory by LVC.
illusive, wich is why the image is in black and white, ultra high contrast - it was taken at night. The blade had a red g10 handle and a brighter version of the standard od-green camo.
they will build the coffin they put you in, and make the cookies for your funeral. the keebler army only buys the best of the best.
Exhibit Three:
Actual photographs of an elf blade about to be shipped out by Busse Combat. Acquired through a hobbit spy ring associated with LVC.
note: kgb-1 photograph is to scale
(this particular military order was not offered to the public, and the kgb-1 only very reluctantly allowed the images of the unfinished blades to be publically photographed.)
Since nobly blowing his own cover in order to bring this faction to light, LVC has relocated "by the sea". (Elves don't like sandy beaches and the hot sun.) It is up to us to make his sacrifices worthwhile.
Exhibit 4:
It's worse than I thought. INFI supplies are making it to the most remote outposts of elves. Risking their well-being and just dodging death by cookies, operatives recently snapped the picture below, showing an elf (pointy ears are barely visible) admiring the edge on a Busse blade (as evident from the talon hole). Where will they stop?
Exhibit 5:
All levels of INFI supply have been infiltrated. An operative was captured just before phoning this pic into HQ. He'll likely spend the rest of his days paddling rafts, refilling kegs, dusting knives, and combining shipping charges. Poor bastid. Don't let his sacrifice be in vain.
