- Joined
- Sep 21, 1999
- Messages
- 1,819
Ho! Ho! Ho and a MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRY Christmas!!!
I made my best friend's son the first kid on the block to own a genuine Microtech Vector, an eeeeeeevil auto here in NJ.
The kid played with it for a few minutes, then started breathing heavy, broke out in a sweat, shivered uncontrollaby for a moment, then asked for a cigarette and took a nap.
His father was jealous; his mother said I'm not allowed in the house anymore.
I'm not too worried about that cuz she kicks me out everytime I come over for minor transgressions.
MAN! You wouldn't believe how upset some women get if you use the kitchen sink when the bathroom's otherwise occupied!
Okay, there's the knife content.
Now I'd like to relate my Christmas Wishes to the rest of the forum and anyone else who might wander into this place seeking dwarf-porn.
I wish.....
That television would finally come up with "Smell-O-Vision" so I can stop dropping cheese and onions into the back of the set while watching Julia Child.
I wish.....
That Julia Child would finally lighten up and do her show in a thong.
I wish.....
That Martha Stewart would do a live Christmas Show where she received a Red Ryder BB Gun and actually shot her eye out. This should be a cable special so they can't use the "We have to cut to a commercial" crap when she starts screaming obscenities.
I wish.....
That Emerill Lagassi (That annoying "Kick it up a notch" cooking fella) would shave his eyebrows and do an entire show on making toast and ice, speaking only in Farsi.
I wish.....
That "Flight Attendents" would realize that they're only a cross between a waiter/waitress and usher, not some sort of aeronautical God(dess) whose every command must be obeyed immediately, lest we suffer a late served microwaved "Le Menu".
I wish.....
That anyone who actually thinks they're qualified to be president would realize that the same "realization" is reason enough for them to stay at home and browse the Want Ads.
I wish.....
That people would stop staring at this thing on my neck, especially those who know that it bubbles up and throbs whenever I get annoyed.
I wish.....
That the proper technique for installing toilet paper onto its dispenser would be taught in kindergarten.
I wish.....
That this thing on my neck would stop throbbing and bubbling.
I wish.....
That fax machines would transmit cats.
I wish.....
That fax machine instructions included cat removal.
I wish.....
That Mel Gibson would swallow his foolish pride and finally ask me for handsomeness tips.
I wish.....
That Ernest Borgnine would answer my fanmail and realize that we are true "Twin Flames", destined to live together in harmony and mayonnaise. (I would hate to have to blackmail him with "the polaroids" to attain my wish!!)
I wish.....
That the Amish joined the 18th century and used zippers.
I wish.....
That knives, cash and Raquel Welch could be emailed.
I wish.....
That everyone here had a really happy holiday and we don't explode on New Year's Eve.
Knowing that if Wishes were Dishes, I'd have a helluva lotta washing and drying to do,
I remain,
Vampire Gerbil - a/k/a "Rollo, The Red Nosed Rodent"
Ho-Ho-Giggle-Chuckle-Ho
------------------
Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.
[This message has been edited by Vampire Gerbil (edited 25 December 1999).]
I made my best friend's son the first kid on the block to own a genuine Microtech Vector, an eeeeeeevil auto here in NJ.
The kid played with it for a few minutes, then started breathing heavy, broke out in a sweat, shivered uncontrollaby for a moment, then asked for a cigarette and took a nap.
His father was jealous; his mother said I'm not allowed in the house anymore.
I'm not too worried about that cuz she kicks me out everytime I come over for minor transgressions.
MAN! You wouldn't believe how upset some women get if you use the kitchen sink when the bathroom's otherwise occupied!
Okay, there's the knife content.
Now I'd like to relate my Christmas Wishes to the rest of the forum and anyone else who might wander into this place seeking dwarf-porn.
I wish.....
That television would finally come up with "Smell-O-Vision" so I can stop dropping cheese and onions into the back of the set while watching Julia Child.
I wish.....
That Julia Child would finally lighten up and do her show in a thong.
I wish.....
That Martha Stewart would do a live Christmas Show where she received a Red Ryder BB Gun and actually shot her eye out. This should be a cable special so they can't use the "We have to cut to a commercial" crap when she starts screaming obscenities.
I wish.....
That Emerill Lagassi (That annoying "Kick it up a notch" cooking fella) would shave his eyebrows and do an entire show on making toast and ice, speaking only in Farsi.
I wish.....
That "Flight Attendents" would realize that they're only a cross between a waiter/waitress and usher, not some sort of aeronautical God(dess) whose every command must be obeyed immediately, lest we suffer a late served microwaved "Le Menu".
I wish.....
That anyone who actually thinks they're qualified to be president would realize that the same "realization" is reason enough for them to stay at home and browse the Want Ads.
I wish.....
That people would stop staring at this thing on my neck, especially those who know that it bubbles up and throbs whenever I get annoyed.
I wish.....
That the proper technique for installing toilet paper onto its dispenser would be taught in kindergarten.
I wish.....
That this thing on my neck would stop throbbing and bubbling.
I wish.....
That fax machines would transmit cats.
I wish.....
That fax machine instructions included cat removal.
I wish.....
That Mel Gibson would swallow his foolish pride and finally ask me for handsomeness tips.
I wish.....
That Ernest Borgnine would answer my fanmail and realize that we are true "Twin Flames", destined to live together in harmony and mayonnaise. (I would hate to have to blackmail him with "the polaroids" to attain my wish!!)
I wish.....
That the Amish joined the 18th century and used zippers.
I wish.....
That knives, cash and Raquel Welch could be emailed.
I wish.....
That everyone here had a really happy holiday and we don't explode on New Year's Eve.
Knowing that if Wishes were Dishes, I'd have a helluva lotta washing and drying to do,
I remain,
Vampire Gerbil - a/k/a "Rollo, The Red Nosed Rodent"
Ho-Ho-Giggle-Chuckle-Ho
------------------
Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.
[This message has been edited by Vampire Gerbil (edited 25 December 1999).]
