- Joined
- May 3, 2002
- Messages
- 6,192
Does anyone remember?
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle."
"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."
"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." -Mitch Hedberg
http://www.slate.com/id/2118223/
In interviews and in his act, he always insisted that stand-up was a self-sufficient arthe joked that the industry's drive to convert comics into actors and talk-show hosts was like saying to a chef: "Alright you're a cook. Can you farm?"
http://www.mitchhedberg.net/
-Mitch Hedberg passed away on Wednesday, March 30, 2005.
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle."
"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."
"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."
"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." -Mitch Hedberg
http://www.slate.com/id/2118223/
In interviews and in his act, he always insisted that stand-up was a self-sufficient arthe joked that the industry's drive to convert comics into actors and talk-show hosts was like saying to a chef: "Alright you're a cook. Can you farm?"
http://www.mitchhedberg.net/
-Mitch Hedberg passed away on Wednesday, March 30, 2005.
