- Joined
- Sep 21, 1999
- Messages
- 1,819
Good Evening.
It is I,
THE GREAT AND POWERFUL VAMPIRE GERBIL.. and I am wearing clothes.
I was in the supermarket place this morning, shopping for my daily needs, namely, massive amounts of feminine hygiene products (Hey, I wanna know what they smell like, since they never let me near enough to sniff, ok?)
So I found myself in the magazine rack. Well, not the rack exactly... I could only fit my upper body, but you get the idea.
I was looking for the new issue of Cosmo, mainly for the scented sheets that I wipe on my elbows to sniff, pretending.. well, never mind...
But I happened to come across the new Tactical Knives Magazine, and I noticed that there was an article about Jerry Hossom.
Well, as many of you know, I taught Jerry all he knows about knifemaking, not to mention the fact that I educated him in the finer arts of squirrel courting, but as this is the GENERAL FORUM, I feel that I should stay on topic, that is, knifal related.
As ALL of you know, Jerry and I collaborated on an incredibly famous chunka sharpness, the VAMPIRE GERBIL-jh REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! I made a page explaining its origins, and iff'n ya want, ya can look at that page by clickin' HERE!
As you can plainly see, my designing prowess is quite evident, as is my DP (short for "designing prowess", used to save time)for my collaboration with Rob Simonich and THE NECK HATCHET!
Anyhow, I was gawking through the magazine (TK, not Cosmo... at least not at the time I'm talkin' about) and sure enough, on page something or other (the mag's in another room, and I'm too fershelunkin' lazy to get up and get the page number.) there it shows THE REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! in full color!
Now then, this does not depict a knife that is similar to the one designed and made by me (but with Jerry's name on it just so he'd pay me a lotta cash), but this is THE knife that I actually have sitting on top of my bed.. top... thing...what's behind the matress, but up, like where I keep my USMC Kevlar and prescription meds and pet badger.
Yes, this is the very same knife that's shown in Tactical Knives!
I am SOOOoooo PROUD!!!!
So I bought 2 issues, mainly cuz I wanted a clean one after drooling over the first issue... I dunno why I bought the slobbery one, but I did... and off to the parking lot I skipped!
I looked in the slippery magazine to find Jerry's number, and called him.
Wellp, his wife answered, and I asked for Jerry. She asked who I was, so I made up a believeable name and said, "Dave". Then I heard her say, "Jerry?"
I said, "Nope, this is Dave."
(I was really playin' the part, lemme tell ya!)
Finally, Jerry got on the phone... well, maybe not literally, but who can tell.... and I said, "Is that the famous Revengeful Ear Fighter! I see in the new issue of Tactical Knives Magazine?
I sorta screamed this, but Jerry really needs the bucks so he didn't hang up. Instead, he said, "Well, HALF of it is."
This confused my diseased little brain... the part that's still INside my skull, so I said, "Huh? What's the other half?"
He said "Gerbil".
Of course, now even the part of my brain that was hermetically sealed inside my skull was trying to leave my head, so I'm not sure what happened next, but the next thing I know, Jerry finally realizes it is I, VAMPIRE GERBIL, and we say HIYA and stuff.
I finally asked if that knife shown in TK is the same one I keep on my bed thi... you know.... and he said, "YEP! It IS!!"
I gleefully pranced around the parking lot and probably hung up on him, but I was all proud and stuff of having MY knife show up in Tactical Knives!!!
Then it hit me....
Steven Dick, are ya there?
Ya can't get outta this by saying you ain't responsible for what other authors write... Jerry Van Cook's, while utterly mad, as busy writin' about Striders and whatnot while YOU wrote this article!!!
You probably realize what I'm gonna say, dontcha.
Yep, not even ONCE was I mentioned!
Me, VAMPIRE GERBIL! Inventor of THE REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! Never before has a maker gone beyond the wild margins that I have by attaching a full size fighting knife to one's earlobe!
Yet you conveniently omit my name AND the TRUE purpose of this knife!!
For SHAME, Steven!!
FOR SHAME!!!!
:::: waggles finger towards Washington::::
When an irate reader wrote in to complain about your teeth, did I not write in to bitterly complain about that reader and commend you for printing unflattering correspondance about yourself?
You're CORRECT!
I did NOT!
However, I thought he was waaay outta line and that oughta count for something!
However, I am a forgiving mammal... and I can forgive your transgression provided you print a 3 page "Editor's Note", including my invaluable contribution to the Knife Industry.
I'd also accept a free lifetime subscription to TK, plus one each of every knife that's depicted on its pages, be it photo, article, or just mentioned in an advertisement.
I think that's MORE than reasonable.
Alas, I am filled with sleepieness at this time.... I really tuckered myself out with all that parking lot skipping and polka-ing.... so I must sleep.
If anyone's wondering what knife I'm talking about at TK, it's the middle one, improperly called "The Revenge" from Jerry's Retribution Series.
It's really nifty and keen-o! Get one now!!!
Off to count rats so's I can fall asleep faster,
I remain,
VG
(What! Like I happen to have a buncha SHEEP in my bedroom!??!?)
It is I,
THE GREAT AND POWERFUL VAMPIRE GERBIL.. and I am wearing clothes.
I was in the supermarket place this morning, shopping for my daily needs, namely, massive amounts of feminine hygiene products (Hey, I wanna know what they smell like, since they never let me near enough to sniff, ok?)
So I found myself in the magazine rack. Well, not the rack exactly... I could only fit my upper body, but you get the idea.
I was looking for the new issue of Cosmo, mainly for the scented sheets that I wipe on my elbows to sniff, pretending.. well, never mind...
But I happened to come across the new Tactical Knives Magazine, and I noticed that there was an article about Jerry Hossom.
Well, as many of you know, I taught Jerry all he knows about knifemaking, not to mention the fact that I educated him in the finer arts of squirrel courting, but as this is the GENERAL FORUM, I feel that I should stay on topic, that is, knifal related.
As ALL of you know, Jerry and I collaborated on an incredibly famous chunka sharpness, the VAMPIRE GERBIL-jh REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! I made a page explaining its origins, and iff'n ya want, ya can look at that page by clickin' HERE!
As you can plainly see, my designing prowess is quite evident, as is my DP (short for "designing prowess", used to save time)for my collaboration with Rob Simonich and THE NECK HATCHET!
Anyhow, I was gawking through the magazine (TK, not Cosmo... at least not at the time I'm talkin' about) and sure enough, on page something or other (the mag's in another room, and I'm too fershelunkin' lazy to get up and get the page number.) there it shows THE REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! in full color!
Now then, this does not depict a knife that is similar to the one designed and made by me (but with Jerry's name on it just so he'd pay me a lotta cash), but this is THE knife that I actually have sitting on top of my bed.. top... thing...what's behind the matress, but up, like where I keep my USMC Kevlar and prescription meds and pet badger.
Yes, this is the very same knife that's shown in Tactical Knives!
I am SOOOoooo PROUD!!!!
So I bought 2 issues, mainly cuz I wanted a clean one after drooling over the first issue... I dunno why I bought the slobbery one, but I did... and off to the parking lot I skipped!
I looked in the slippery magazine to find Jerry's number, and called him.
Wellp, his wife answered, and I asked for Jerry. She asked who I was, so I made up a believeable name and said, "Dave". Then I heard her say, "Jerry?"
I said, "Nope, this is Dave."
(I was really playin' the part, lemme tell ya!)
Finally, Jerry got on the phone... well, maybe not literally, but who can tell.... and I said, "Is that the famous Revengeful Ear Fighter! I see in the new issue of Tactical Knives Magazine?
I sorta screamed this, but Jerry really needs the bucks so he didn't hang up. Instead, he said, "Well, HALF of it is."
This confused my diseased little brain... the part that's still INside my skull, so I said, "Huh? What's the other half?"
He said "Gerbil".
Of course, now even the part of my brain that was hermetically sealed inside my skull was trying to leave my head, so I'm not sure what happened next, but the next thing I know, Jerry finally realizes it is I, VAMPIRE GERBIL, and we say HIYA and stuff.
I finally asked if that knife shown in TK is the same one I keep on my bed thi... you know.... and he said, "YEP! It IS!!"
I gleefully pranced around the parking lot and probably hung up on him, but I was all proud and stuff of having MY knife show up in Tactical Knives!!!
Then it hit me....
Steven Dick, are ya there?
Ya can't get outta this by saying you ain't responsible for what other authors write... Jerry Van Cook's, while utterly mad, as busy writin' about Striders and whatnot while YOU wrote this article!!!
You probably realize what I'm gonna say, dontcha.
Yep, not even ONCE was I mentioned!
Me, VAMPIRE GERBIL! Inventor of THE REVENGEFUL EAR FIGHTER! Never before has a maker gone beyond the wild margins that I have by attaching a full size fighting knife to one's earlobe!
Yet you conveniently omit my name AND the TRUE purpose of this knife!!
For SHAME, Steven!!
FOR SHAME!!!!
:::: waggles finger towards Washington::::
When an irate reader wrote in to complain about your teeth, did I not write in to bitterly complain about that reader and commend you for printing unflattering correspondance about yourself?
You're CORRECT!
I did NOT!
However, I thought he was waaay outta line and that oughta count for something!
However, I am a forgiving mammal... and I can forgive your transgression provided you print a 3 page "Editor's Note", including my invaluable contribution to the Knife Industry.
I'd also accept a free lifetime subscription to TK, plus one each of every knife that's depicted on its pages, be it photo, article, or just mentioned in an advertisement.
I think that's MORE than reasonable.
Alas, I am filled with sleepieness at this time.... I really tuckered myself out with all that parking lot skipping and polka-ing.... so I must sleep.
If anyone's wondering what knife I'm talking about at TK, it's the middle one, improperly called "The Revenge" from Jerry's Retribution Series.
It's really nifty and keen-o! Get one now!!!
Off to count rats so's I can fall asleep faster,
I remain,
VG
(What! Like I happen to have a buncha SHEEP in my bedroom!??!?)
.
hehe
