What's one of the biggest problems we're faced with on a daily basis? Well, if you saw movies like The Exorcist, The Blair Witch Project, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, or Paranormal Activity, you'll know exactly what I'm referring to: ghosts. They're not just in movies, either. 68% of Americans claim to have experienced at least one of the following signs of paranormal activity:
Strange noises in the middle of the night.
Feelings of dread in your basement or attic.
Actually seeing a spook, specter, or ghost.
If you have, then maybe we'll be able to help you. Our courteous and efficient staff will be on call 24 hours a day to serve all of your supernatural elimination needs.
We'll need a few things first: a place. There's an old, abandoned fire house nearby that I can rent or just flat-out buy. I can always take out a third mortgage on the house that my parents left me if need be.
We'll need some sort of apparatus of actually catching these things. My idea is to create a nuclear accelerator, using proton beams. It will essentially be a small rifle-like tool that's attached to a backpack-style nuclear device. Hold a button and a stream of protonic energy will hold the spirit until it can be dropped into some sort of trap. I need to design this as well.
We'll also need somewhere to store all of these spirits once we've caught them. Any ideas?
Now, some of you may not believe my idea here. Maybe you don't understand, or maybe you just plain don't believe in what I'm talking about. Well, you don't have to believe. Ghosts exist whether you believe in them or not. I've only been researching this for a few weeks, but these things are real. Since I've been looking into this, I've seen stuff that'll turn you white. But some still don't believe and that's okay. They'll be the first ones calling us for help. I know what I've experienced; you forget that I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration. Before that, I was studying the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. I know my stuff.
There are things that need to be done. The trapping system needs to be perfected, a method of holding these things for an extended period of time needs to be thought up, and more. We're going to need a way of getting all of this equipment around, as well as ourselves. Then we need people to actually operate this stuff without blowing things up.
I think it's a good idea. Anybody want in?
Strange noises in the middle of the night.
Feelings of dread in your basement or attic.
Actually seeing a spook, specter, or ghost.
If you have, then maybe we'll be able to help you. Our courteous and efficient staff will be on call 24 hours a day to serve all of your supernatural elimination needs.
We'll need a few things first: a place. There's an old, abandoned fire house nearby that I can rent or just flat-out buy. I can always take out a third mortgage on the house that my parents left me if need be.
We'll need some sort of apparatus of actually catching these things. My idea is to create a nuclear accelerator, using proton beams. It will essentially be a small rifle-like tool that's attached to a backpack-style nuclear device. Hold a button and a stream of protonic energy will hold the spirit until it can be dropped into some sort of trap. I need to design this as well.
We'll also need somewhere to store all of these spirits once we've caught them. Any ideas?
Now, some of you may not believe my idea here. Maybe you don't understand, or maybe you just plain don't believe in what I'm talking about. Well, you don't have to believe. Ghosts exist whether you believe in them or not. I've only been researching this for a few weeks, but these things are real. Since I've been looking into this, I've seen stuff that'll turn you white. But some still don't believe and that's okay. They'll be the first ones calling us for help. I know what I've experienced; you forget that I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration. Before that, I was studying the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability. I know my stuff.
There are things that need to be done. The trapping system needs to be perfected, a method of holding these things for an extended period of time needs to be thought up, and more. We're going to need a way of getting all of this equipment around, as well as ourselves. Then we need people to actually operate this stuff without blowing things up.
I think it's a good idea. Anybody want in?
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