No barbarian me!

G

Guy Thomas

Joined
Feb 1, 2000
Messages
1,370
I am the only truly civilized person in my office. While everyone else has been reduced to savagery by the social convention of not carrying knives anymore I serenely slice my way through heavy paper envelopes, stout packing straps, indestructable plastic food containers and even the foil lined coffee pouches that never seem to tear where they are supposed to.

Poor dears, they tear at packages with blunt nails and rip at them with their teeth. Fruit is devoured in chunks by gnawing while I get to eat my apples in neat quarters with the core sliced out. Let them jeer at me and ask who my next victim will be when they see my pocket knife. I certainly won't lend it to them when they come crawling. Last time I did that the barbarian begain scraping out the concrete trough where the bottom of the rolling door meets the ground at the mini-warehouse! I was paralized and rendered momentarily speechless before I got my knife back! That's o.k. because soon they will start retreating back to the trees, having forgotten how to use even the most basic of rudimentary tools. I'll just watch them and build a fire, using a knife to make shavings from kindling and to strike a spark with flint on the hardened blade. They'll "ooh" and "ah" at me as I skin some critter and build a shelter with brush and small trees. I'm half afraid they might throw food and sticks at me, but they've forgotten that sticks can be a tool or weapon!

I've submitted this half in jest, but I am constantly amazed at the number of people who don't even carry little pocket knives anymore for everyday chores. I know everyone is paranoid about being "caught" with a "weapon" but when does someone draw the line? A pocket knife is one of the most useful things a man or woman can have with them! I hate feeling like I'm some kind of crazy axe murderer just because I carry a small edged tool and frankly the O.J. jokes are starting to wear a little thin. Am I right? O.K., rant off for now!:p
 
One of the reasons humans differ from Apes is, we make and use tools.
If others wish to revert back to the trees let them.

I would say we are the civilized ones, they the Apes.;) :D
 
Yeah, and I'd add opening reams of copy paper to the list of chores rendered simple by use of a basic tool... Watching them fight that while it's so straightforward for me only makes me feel oddly superior - and want to help the poor dears.

By the way Guy, all my mail to you bounces, I think because your mailbox is full. Sounds like your server isn't dumping mail when you read it?

I have so much to say! :D

Dave
 
Guy,
You showed great control. If someone borrowed my pocket knife and began scraping concrete troughs or metal or prying something or for a screw driver or ........well they'd get a quick lesson in basic deer skinning 101.
My wife likes to tell folks that the only time I don't have a knife or knives on me is when I'm in the shower or in bed. (She made me quit carrying them to bed years ago!)
Got low tolerance for folks that misuse a tool.
Crex
 
My best use of a pocket knife story is in an Irish bar. It was St. Patty's day. There were extra bars set up in the back and people jamed sholder to sholder. One of the bar tenders (no termite joke) was a really sexy young lady that I had known for years. She came up to me and wispered in my ear, "do you have a knife." Of course I answered "when have you ever seen me without at least one."
She asked me to follow her back to the bar where she pulled a string from the top of her shorts and asked me to cut it. It wasn't until she turned the other side and showed me another string to cut that I figured out that it was string for thong underwear that had become unconfortable that I was cutting.
Moral of the story is that even an old fat man can rescue young sexy girls if you carry a knife.
Lynn
 
...even apes use tools. Simple tools, but tools none-the-less. Ususally rocks as hammers to break open hard-shelled things, and long thin sticks to dig grubs and termites out of logs, but they ARE smart enough to know that life is easier if you use the right tool for the job.

Lesson: 'People' without knives are somewhat less intelligent than apes?

-John
 
Lynn I like that one
thee unbound damsel in distress:)

I just got to paste pasties ( nipple thingies) back on some of the go-go
girls that fell off, at the bar I spent a lot of time at in the Navy.
thinking back,, I really had a good time then. :)
 
Guy my wife has a small key ring knife made by Lloyd harding.
it only has a small blade. His sales pitch at shows is it is for people with false teeth so they can open open small plastic bags without pulling their teeth out.

Just think for a minute should I stick with this mental image or should I go back to the removed thong image.
Your story is still winning Lynn.
 
Without getting too 'dirty', what I want to know is; after cutting the thong for her, did you then get to watch her pull it out of her pants? Did she pull it out the front or rear? DETAILS!!!!!

Tell it SSSLLLOOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLYYYYYY...
 
Without getting too 'dirty', what I want to know is; after cutting the thong for her, did you then get to watch her pull it out of her pants? Did she pull it out the front or rear? DETAILS!!!!!


And Pictures!
 
WHAT PETE SAID!!! C'MON, WE ARE WAITING! The Army installation I work at is pretty much pro knives, but after 9/11, you see NO large blades on the place, even machetes for the mowing crews are not allowed, and commercial truck drivers and trucks are inspected for any blades, along with the usual contraband. Most officers carry some type of blade for seat belt cutting, ect. I always have a couple of small blades on me for the usual chores, as well as the always carried and used every day Leatherman.Most of the personell there are civilians(brownbaggers) and are locals. Hunters are of course allowed to carry their hunting knives, so the rules are a common sense approach to knives. Iowans don't seem to have the stigma of knives being evil or only carried by criminals; you need a knife, and you carry one for the usual reasons.I do notice one common thing, maybe 5% of the folks here have any idea of how to sharpen a knife.
 
-Without getting too 'dirty', what I want -to know is; after cutting the thong for -her, did you then get to watch her pull -it out of her pants? Did she pull it out -the front or rear? DETAILS!!!!!
-And Pictures!

Sorry guys, as my wife was sitting right in front of me I didn't stay to see the results. I'm sure she would pose for pictures but has not been around lately.
Lynn
 
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