Odd letter received today

[Strabs]

I don't know what to make of it though

CHURCH OF THE HELPING HAND EVANGELISTIC MISSION
REVEREND ELTON S. SCHULTZ, PASTOR
​

5219 S. Mission St.
Ft. Wayne, Indiana 46802
​

Dear -----,

Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen years, I have made a tour of the midwest delivering a series of lectures on the excessive indulgence of alcohol.

On these tours I have been accompanied by a friend and assistant, Clyde B. Lumpley. Clyde, a man who came from a good, God fearing family of an excellent background, is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in booze and loose women. Clyde would appear with me at lectures and sit on the platform drunk, wheezing, and staring into space, passing gas, scratching himself, and making obscene gestures while I pointed at him as an example of what such over indulgence can do to a person.

This summer, unfortunately, Clyde passed away. A mutual friend has informed me of your habbits and miserable condition as well as your name and address. The reason I am writing, is that I am wondering if you would be available, and would consent to accompany me on this years crusade?
​

Your's in faith and hope,

Rev. Elton S. Shultz, Pastor
Church of the Helping Hand​

​

​

WTF? I am not that miserable:grumpy:​

​

 

[MustardMan]

I think it means you need to drink more :thumbup:

 

[thatmguy]

Hey, might be able to try some good regional/local brewski's.... :thumbup:

Aaaand, you can search for buried PVC all over...

(ETA - would they change the name then to the "Church of the Helping Ham"??)

 

[Strabs]

Hey, might be able to try some good regional/local brewski's.... :thumbup:

Aaaand, you can search for buried PVC all over...

That's quite an incentive:thumbup:

 

[Thalestin]

Take it as a compliment

 

[Stelth]

The Rev spelled "habit" wrong. He must be drunk too.

 

[hoopster]

That's pretty funny. Did you seriously receive a letter like that?

 

[Guyon]

Reading between the lines, I see this subtext...

Send Guyon your INFI.

 

[LMT66]

I see "free booze" between the lines.
The Reverend will need to keep up a disheveled appearance and maintain your BAC.

 

[gundude73]

if i got an unsolicited letter like that i would be taken aback.

 

[agent cooper]

If the offer's legit and it's a paid position, then that sounds like a sweet gig!

 

[grey menace]

Hey if your not married you might want to give it a try,some of those chuch girls are pretty hot, ha ha

 

[Bigfattyt]

that is so stinking funny. I think I am going to have to mail that secretly to a few of my friends.

 

[Lycosa]

That letter was supposed to go to Jerry.

 

[d762nato]

You could be the subject of a quite funny prank, Maybe someone resembling a HOG!! If not its still funny, how does this guy know you like to drink? :thumbup:

 

[dingy]

a Spanish site have been sending letters to me ,said that i won a big money $100000
how i get the money ? i will be a rich man.

 

[Strabs]

You could be the subject of a quite funny prank, Maybe someone resembling a HOG!! If not its still funny, how does this guy know you like to drink? :thumbup:

I think someone here tipped the Reverend off

 

[Newazzkikr]

lol !

I'm sending this to my buddies. I don't know why, but somehow they all are suited for this. Now I'm worried that I got bad influence on em. :barf:

 

[bonfire]

a Spanish site have been sending letters to me ,said that i won a big money $100000
how i get the money ? i will be a rich man.

I know about this one... They need some info about your bankaccount before you can get the prize, right?

 

[kdstrick]

Sounds like a great offer. Especially in these times of economic hardship. :thumbup:

The job description ("drunk, wheezing, and staring into space, passing gas, scratching himself, and making obscene gestures") sounds eerily similar to what I do at home anyway with no financial benefit whatsoever.

I wonder what the job pays...